Over the years, my editor has offered to send me to many places. Usually in a raised voice. And often to a destination that is physically impossible for anyone who isn’t a skilled contortionist.
However, maybe it’s because of the unusually good weather we’re having in Oregon (not raining), or that she’s going on vacation soon, or possibly because there’s been another mix-up between her blood-pressure medicine and someone else’s painkillers.
Whatever the reason, she has given me the “thumbs up” to visit Watsonville, Calif., this week. Naturally, this was exciting news! At least once I got over the creepiness of her actually giving me a “thumbs up” sign.
So what does this mean exactly? It means this Thursday, June 23, there’s a good chance you’ll find me facedown in a row of strawberries somewhere in Watsonville.
Did I mention I love fruit?
I know there’s more to Watsonvile than farming. With a population of more than 51,000 people, along with nine TV and radio stations, 28 parks, the Santa Cruz Fair Grounds and Ocean Speedway, there are plenty of ways for me to get into trouble that don’t involve getting run over by someone riding a tractor. Unless it’s during a tractor race on the speedway.
And hey, any town that can claim being home to “Killer Clowns from Outer Space” is my kind of place.
Something else that makes Watsonville my kind of place is that it’s a community that helps its hungry. As Chris Ryan at Second Harvest Food Bank pointed out, the only time “humor” and “hunger” are close together is in the dictionary.
I couldn’t agree more.
However, on June 23, I’ll be using humor to help the hungry by donating a third of my book sales to Second Harvest. I’ll be at the Register-Pajaronian from 10 a.m. to noon this Thursday. I’ll have copies of my book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” available for $15, with $5 from each book going directly to Second Harvest.
I have no staff or overhead.
Heck, I barely have a desk.
So you can trust me when I say the full $5 from each book will go to Chris and the folks at the food bank.
More than anything, I’m looking forward to the chance to meet as many Register-Pajaronian readers and folks from Watsonville as I can.
Um… except you, sir. You remind me of my editor.
Sorry.
But as for everyone else, I hope you’ll stop in for a visit so we can get to know each other beyond the newspaper page. If you decide to buy a book or just make a donation to Second Harvest, all the better.
I want to thank Erik Chalhoub and everyone at the Pajaronian for having me. It’s a real privilege to be a part of the Watsonville community through your local newspaper. I’m looking forward to getting to know you, and the chance to do some good for an important cause while I’m here.
But seriously, folks.
I’d hide the fruit…
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Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com
Ned's Blog 
Haha! Face down in a row of strawberries! Can we get a pic of that?
I’m sure there will be police video…
What fun! Have a great time 🙂
Thanks! I’m really looking forward to it! And not just the fruit…
i am happy for you and your minions for all of it. but with the clowns….i’m out!
I don’t blame you. I hate clowns. But fruit makes me strong.
#fruitstrong
Hahaha!
I would like to do pagination at the Pajaronian.
Only if you know your picas can you paginate at the Pajaronian.
But seriously. I’ve heard some strange newspaper names. And I grew up in a town with a paper called The Casket. What is a Pajaronian?
It’s from the Native American word Pajaro, which means “Bird.” There are the Pajaro Dunes and a Pajaro River. Apparently, it’s for the birds…?
Now I feel white and ignorant. Normal, in other words.
Lol! That could be the alternate name of our cultural exchange tour…
Wallow in those strawberries. Happy eating!
Trust me, I will! 😉
Awesomesauce Ned. Mmmm, fresh strawberries, Mmmm. Book signing? What book signing? Mmmm, fresh strawberries, Mmmm. Ha!
That’s a fair jaunt – 663 miles according to my map. That’s at least a day each way plus time spent there. We’ll make a trucker out of you yet. (I imagine that your past job of head chef resulted in a lot of traveling.)
Yeah, it’s going to be fun, but it’s about a 10-hour drive each way. But we’ll be staying over a few days, so it’s not too bad really. Just my wife and I and the open road. We’ve got snacks, wine and eight days to do it in… Wait, that sounds inappropriate.
Accurate, but inappropriate… 😉
Don’t forget to take clean underwear (Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink):
And don’t even get me started on pulling the Jake brake.
wooHOO!
Just when you think it is safe to visit a few blogs, you go and post a still from Killer Clowns from Outerspace. I guess it could be worse. You could have posted that scene with the puppet show in which one of the clowns rises up from under the puppet theatre and in so kept me from sleeping soundly for nearly a week, but still…
Have fun!
Lol! Clowns keep me from sleeping no matter where they’re coming from. I blame it on Stephen King’s “Pennywise the Clown.” Or maybe Bozo…
I want photos! Lol, you’re just an all round nice guy Ned . . . besides being hilarious. 🙂
Thanks, Debby 😉 But if I don;t get back to the gym, I’m going to be a lot more “all around.”
Lolllllllllllllllllllllllllll 🙂
Will you be wearing your red thong? You know, to match the strawberries. 😉
Only if I want to visit the Watsonville jail!
I would hide the fruit too. We’re still talking about the thing you can eat and not the people who enjoyed the Clown movie, right?
Let us hope, or this will be a very short trip.
why would they have to hide you too?
As an aside Ned, I have a guest post over at Barb Taub’s. If you have time to drop by, I would be honored. Thank you. https://barbtaub.com/2016/06/23/if-it-has-tires-or-testosterone-guest-post-by-paul-curran-throwbackthursday/
And I thought my professional life was messed up…
Oh, it is… 😉
But, did they have Hoodies? A strawberry is a strawberry but a Hoodie is like a sweet little ball of fruit cocaine. It’s like a Jolly Rancher with leaves.
http://www.capitalpress.com/Oregon/20140604/strawberry-consumers-seek-out-venerable-hoods
Damn, image didn’t paste right. Try again….
The great thing about Ned is that he doesn’t moderate so we can say all sorts of borderline nasties all night and he won’t know until the morning. For instance, have you ever seen strawberry confections that are sexually suggestive?
Good to know, good to know. And yes, yes I have.
For instance, the other day I saw a gigantic tub of strawberry ice cream that whispered, “May I suggest you only have one serving if you ever want to have sex again?”
ha!
I have actually dressed as a sexually suggestive strawberry confection…
“Red Riding Hood says “Oh Granny, what big teeth you’ve got!” and the wolf replies “All the better to eat you with, my dear!” ‘
Yikes… These could be dangerous in my ‘hood…
Ha!