Tag: blogging

Part 2: Interview with self-proclaimed best-selling author Ima Knowitall

With my advanced copy of "50 Shades of Time-Traveling Vampire Love"
With my advanced copy of “50 Shades of Time-Traveling Vampire Love”

As I mentioned in Part I of my Long Awkward Pause interview wth Ima Knowitall, she is the author of more than 40 online novels this past year, and was recently honored by the Society of Illiterate Columnists (SIC) for her contributions to “…the advancement of people who write without the shackles of proper grammar.” So landing an interview with an author of this caliber on the eve of her latest release was — as Ima described something she found in her taco — a total surprise.

For those of you who might’ve missed the first part of my interview with Ima because, for example, you just recently gave up life as a Quaker, I should explain that our breakfast interview had been interrupted by the untimely arrival of the health department while waiting for a taco omelette at Sam N’ Ella’s restaurant. Since there was no time to get anything to-go because Sam and Ella had already left through the back window, we had decided to take our interview somewhere else. (More at Long Awkward Pause…)

Today, I’m getting personal with The Sisterwives

image Many of you are probably familiar with the logo to my right.

Hold on — You’re right! It’s my left!

Uh… Right?

Anyway, in terms of being a beacon representing truth and justice, not to mention insightful writing and humor sharp enough to split an atom (I came close to splitting a Twinkie once, just saying), The Sisterwives logo is like the Bat Signal of the blog-o-sphere. Unlike Batman, however, The Sisterwives aren’t vigilantes. No. They team up and collaborate with others.

They’re also a lot more curvy than Batman. I’m also betting the nippled Batsuit has nothing on this group.

But I digress.

Today, I’m joining fellow male bloggers Art and Matticus as guests at The Sisterwives for this month’s edition of The Man(di) Cave (similar to the Bat Cave but with curtains and carpeting), when each of us answers three questions offering a male perspective on the female gender. Keep in mind that if the actual Bat Signal appears at any time, our answers were indeed incorrect.

So please join Matticus, Art and me at The Sisterwives HERE.

Because I don’t think even Batman would be willing to come save us…

My writing wisdom featured in new documentary (Obviously it’s a short)

Alan King
Writer, blogger and filmmaker Alan W. King
Several weeks ago, blogger and filmmaker Alan W. King of Humble Bear Production contacted me about working together on a documentary featuring the writing process. After discussing the insights I’ve gained from 16 years as a humor columnist, he suggested that a “mini” documentary could probably capture all of my writing wisdom.

So over the last week, Alan has been editing my rambling answers to his questions — on everything from how I got started as a columnist, to what happens when a column doesn’t resonate with readers — into a 10-minute documentary.

To be honest, considering what he had to work with, I anticipated something which, at best, could be heralded by critics as:

“Wildly Cohesive!”
“Thoroughly Visual!”
“Masterfully hyperlinked!”

Instead, Alan has created a thoughtful and entertaining glimpse into my writing process that demonstrates how, in the hands of someone with his talent and creativity, something mediocre can be transformed into a memorable and inspiring piece. It was a true privilege being a part of this collaboration, which has left me appreciative and deeply humbled. Continue reading My writing wisdom featured in new documentary (Obviously it’s a short)

Don’t let Tofurky ruin your NaNoWriMo

image Welcome to a special “post-surgery” edition of Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, when I take the cumulative knowledge gathered from 16 years as a columnist and, much like my male nurse Vern, shave an unfettered path to nuggets of wisdom. It’s a weekly feature the Journal Medicine has heralded as “…writing tips proven to be an effective form of anesthesia…” and what Dr. Oz has endorsed as “…a natural cure for constipated writers. Or writer’s block. Or whatever…”

But enough accolades!

Let’s be honest: No one is going to read this. (And not just because I refered to “nuggets of wisdom.”) Why? Because everyone is busy finishing their own novel this month. Who has time to read about writing tips when they have 10,000 words remaining in their 50,000-word manuscript and a 30-lb. Thanksgiving turkey thawing in the sink? Not to mention that, at this time next week, many NaNoWriMo participants will be following up their day of giving “thanks” by attacking fellow shoppers on Black Friday for the last pair of Walking Dead slippers. What if their fingers get broken during a tussle at Target? Or they get walloped at Walmart? Mauled at Macy’s? Shanked at Sears? Body slammed at Bloomingdales?

You get the idea. Continue reading Don’t let Tofurky ruin your NaNoWriMo

I can’t say ‘Thank You’ enough — but it’s worth a shot

image Late Sunday evening I opened my iPad for the first time since Friday, when I wrote about the tragedy that had swept — home to home and heart to heart — through our small community the previous morning. Those who have been following this blog for a while already know, though I’m a humor columnist (If you just started following, I promise this blog gets funnier), I take a turn for the serious when the situation warrants. And while I still have to produce “funny” for newspapers that carry my column, this blog is a true extension of myself — because you allow and encourage it to be.

Friday was a truly wonderful and humbling example of that.

With the kids in bed and my wife asleep on the couch next to me, I sat staring at the screen with a mixture of awe and profound appreciation for the more than 150 responses — words of encouragement, support and understanding — for me, my son, our family and the community. Writing that post was a necessary part of my own healing process; receiving so much support was like talking through it with a close friend. Continue reading I can’t say ‘Thank You’ enough — but it’s worth a shot

Is there such a thing as too much climaxing? (In your manuscript, Jeez!)

image For those visiting for the first time because of the search term “climax,” welcome to Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing! This weekly feature is when I share the writing wisdom gained from 15 years as a columnist by — much like a porn movie — quickly stripping things down to the bare essentials and offering techniques that hopefully lead to a lot of “oohing” and “awing.” It’s a weekly feature Publishers Digest has called, “Writing tips that will keep your manuscript out of the slush pile, especially if there’s return postage included…” and what porn star Ron Jeremy has touted as “Enormously engorging… Oops, I mean engaging.”

But enough accolades!

The climax.

For those who zoned out after discovering this is a post about writing, welcome back! For everyone else, especially those working on a manuscript, short story or article for publication, you already know the climax is that point in your piece that brings everything together in a way that leaves your reader feeling completely and utterly satisfied by someone who is, at least in literary terms, a giving lover skilled at pacing the climactic moment specifically to put the reader’s needs ahead of their own.

Needless to say, this can be challenging. And not just for male writers, many of whom have already skipped ahead looking for the next “climax” reference. Whether writing a mystery novel, erotica, a humorous magazine article or non-fiction blog post, a reader needs to feel a sense that they are working toward something — a big reveal, moment of enlightenment, resolution to a problem, punchline — in order to be fully engaged and eventually finish with that sense of satisfaction we strive for as husbands writers. Continue reading Is there such a thing as too much climaxing? (In your manuscript, Jeez!)

Is your manuscript in its eighth trimester? It may be time to induce

image Though I’m still working on the eBook version of my Nickel’s Worth on Writing, that doesn’t mean I’ll be using it as an excuse to stop posting my weekly NWOW. No way! I’ll use a fictitious illness for that. Speaking of fictitious, this weekly feature was recently recognized by Publisher’s Weekly as offering “A level of writing insightfulness rarely seen outside of mental [writing] institutions…”

But enough accolades!

Let’s face it, editing the second draft of your story or manuscript is like a visit to the proctologist: You want it to go quickly; you want to avoid too much grimacing; and you know before you get started there’s going to be too much crammed in. Yet statistics show that early detection of grammatical “polyps” is the most effective way to prevent the spread of bad writing.

But apparently not horrible analogies like this one. Continue reading Is your manuscript in its eighth trimester? It may be time to induce

Every writer needs perseverance. And maybe a monkey.

image It’s Friday, and that can only mean ONE THING! No, the other thing. The one after being payday. Ok, and the weekend, but before it being the day they show reruns of Family Ties on the Oxygen Channel…

No, I’m not talking about changing the cat box. Or cleaning the lint trap in your dryer…

Fine. I can tell by your blank expressions we have lost all momentum here, so I’ll just tell you Friday is that special day each week when I share my Nickel’s Worth on Writing!

No, that was really it, I promise. In fact, Publisher’s Weekly has called my NWOW “…writing tips worth every nickel, at least in Mexico…” and what The Master of Horror® Stephen King has heralded as “…insights every writer should know. Preferably by the third grade.”

But enough accolades!

As many of you know, I’ve been working on a project collecting the last two years of NWOW posts into an eBook that is part writing tips, part writer’s survival guide. What some of you may not know is that I have the technological IQ of a chimp. Ok, ALL of you knew that — and you’re probably right: I shouldn’t assume all chimpanzees are incapable of creating an eBook. Regardless, the process has reminded me of how important perseverance is as a writer and how, as writers, having a chimpanzee capable of tearing apart a laptop with its bare hands could be really therapeutic. Continue reading Every writer needs perseverance. And maybe a monkey.

Establishing a regular writing routine will shape your literary thighs

Welcome to this week’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing! This will be the third and final excerpt from my upcoming eBook, which I have cleverly titled: Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing. This will help distinguish it from other books on writing, such as “Bob’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing” or “Bubba’s Nickel’s Worth on Righting.” So as I put the final touches on my manuscript, I’d like to offer this hand-picked excerpt of writing wisdom that Publisher’s Weekly is already calling, “Insightfulness that is a rare combination akin to having a Big Mac and carrot salad…”

Bike typewriter copy In a way, establishing a writing routine is a lot like going to the gym. Except that you don’t get sweaty, never leave a seated position and, unless you write romance or erotica, you probably won’t increase your heart rate much.

But aside from that, it’s just like going to the gym.

When I first started writing in an actual newsroom, my routine consisted of sitting at my desk, staring blankly at the screen and banging on my keys as quickly as possible until it was time to go home, where I would do my actual writing.

Why did I do this?

I was intimidated. On either side of me, journalists were typing feverishly — seemingly non-stop — while I sat waiting for inspiration. My brain was still hardwired for waiting until the kids were asleep before slinking off into the study/laundry room to do my writing, as long as nothing else needed to be done. I was a single parent of two children under the age of 10 at the time, so there was always something else that needed to be done.

Continue reading Establishing a regular writing routine will shape your literary thighs

It’s my 500th post but I swear: I don’t feel a day over 499 posts

Where the magic happens. Or so I keep telling my editor...
Where the magic happens. Or so I keep telling my editor…
In addition to the wild excitement my weekly Nickel’s Worth on Writing usually generates… (See? Did you feel that?) … this week’s NWOW has the added distinction of being [cue pocket drum machine] my 500th post!

WHOA LADIES! Keep those tops ON!

You too, sir.

Since pushing the “publish” button on my first post about two years ago, more than 62,000 people have stopped in at some point — mostly while Google searching “monkey butts” or “Cheeto Clog” — and 5,250 of you decided to stay. I am very thankful for that and a little surprised, especially considering there are no Cheeto-clogged monkey butts anywhere on this blog. I’ve looked. And so has PETA.

Also over that same period, I’ve shared more than 50 weekly acorns of NWOW writing insights gathered through 15 years as a newspaper columnist tending the tree of literary wisdom — all of which I am currently squirreling away into an eBook that Publisher’s Digest has already predicted will be “…writing tips that are nuts.” Continue reading It’s my 500th post but I swear: I don’t feel a day over 499 posts