Tag: newspapers

Finding your writing ‘voice’ (Unless you’re William Hung)

Typewriter at mic (Note: This is part of a weekly series from the website Gliterary Girl, where I’m a regular contributor on the subject of writing. And highly suggestive quilting patterns. But mostly writing.)

There are nearly 8 billion people inhabiting the earth. Most are capable of stringing together a sequence of words in order to communicate an idea or feeling.

Occasionally, this even includes lawyers.

At this very moment, if you were to log on to any social network, you’d find thousands of people writing about any number of topics, including vacations, sex, parenting, mental illness…

Hmmm. Looking back over that last sequence, I see a definite pattern.

Anyway, with all of these people writing, what determines the difference between someone who writes and a writer?

There really is a difference and, as with any art form, deciding between “good” and “poor” writing comes down to personal taste and interpretation. Or possibly an interpreter if you’re reading Ozzy Osbourne’s biography.  Continue reading Finding your writing ‘voice’ (Unless you’re William Hung)

A city where I could make a difference…

City sewersThere aren’t many jobs where you are virtually assured of a rapid promotional pace. However, I feel fairly confident that if I were to get hired at this particular Public Works department, I could be running it in less than a week.

Getting started as a columnist (or why I avoid Rhode Island)

Note: As I promised last week in my 100th post celebration (I understand some of still haven’t received your free Mexican mocha — sorry about that), here is the first installment from the writing and literary website Gliteray Girl, where I’m a regular contributor on the subject of writing. They wouldn’t let me contribute on the subject of sex therapy, so I went with the writing thing…

Coffee knocked over copy When I first started querying newspapers about carrying my column, I was getting one or two rejections in my email box every week. In frustration, I turned to the Internet and discovered, with a little planning and organization, I could be rejected by every newspaper in the state of Louisiana all in one afternoon.

In 2002, I began my unofficial “Internet promotional tour” across the United States by emailing a basic cover letter and a few sample columns to newspapers here in my home state of Oregon. Today, the column is running in 60 papers in 11 states and Canada. What follows are a few simple truths, mixed with some suggestions, that will help distinguish your email query from the hundreds of male enhancement offers editors receive each day. Continue reading Getting started as a columnist (or why I avoid Rhode Island)

Good reasons to avoid any monkey with a pet Chihuahua

As a general rule, animals don’t adhere to a library’s conduct policies.
As a journalist, I’m trained to recognize even the most subtle signs of trouble.

A misspoken word.

A reluctant glance.

A gang of monkeys destroying a library.

Thanks to my training and experience — and several highlighted newspaper clippings sent in by concerned readers following last week’s column about crazed squirrels — I have painstakingly pieced together what I, as a member of the conservative media, believe is undeniable evidence that animals are planning to take over the world. Continue reading Good reasons to avoid any monkey with a pet Chihuahua

Never had food poisoning? Thank a humor columnist

Something every professional journalist should have: A current Food handler’s Card.
Being a journalist, I naturally have journalist friends who, whenever we get together, want to talk about (yawn) heady issues facing the nation and the world. This is done in a discussion format similar to “Meet the Press,” except that our debates are often interrupted by someone’s beer getting knocked over. Aside from that, it’s just like the show on TV. As you can imagine, our exchanges get pretty heated as each of us presents an important topic of debate.

What is our stance on the Middle East?

Should we overhaul social security?

How do we deal with North Korea?

Or, as I challenged:

Why does the new Bugs Bunny look like he’s been shooting steroids with Jose Canseco?

That’s usually when our debate comes to a screeching halt and I’m forced, once again, to defend my journalistic integrity by explaining the value of what I do, then underscoring it by offering to pay for everyone’s beer. Continue reading Never had food poisoning? Thank a humor columnist