Why I’m not in advertising…

You may find it hard to believe, but I’m not a fashion icon. No, really — it’s true. Unless it includes denim and lace-up boots, I rarely wear it. So it should come as no surprise I wasn’t aware that Old Navy and The Gap joined forces in 2011. Why wasn’t I made aware of this?!

Oh, that’s right: Because I don’t care.

In fact, I didn’t care until yesterday, after my wife and daughter returned from an all-day quest for the latest fashion trend: colored jeans. While listing all the places they searched, my wife explained how going to both Old Navy and The Gap was a waste of time since they are basically the same company, offering the same things.

My next thought illustrates why I never pursued a career in advertising…


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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

67 thoughts on “Why I’m not in advertising…”

        1. I don’t think I could pull that off. In fact, I know I couldn’t. Black and white checked chef’s pants was as close as I got to anything like that 😉

    1. Lol! Good point! I wonder what Old Gap jeans would look like? Or would they just be like denim chaps for senior citizens? Probably best not to think about that too much…

      1. Old Gap jeans aren’t actually pants at all. Instead they’re latex numbers designed to look like an old man that will inevitably be told, Oh God Grandpa how many times do I have to tell you to put on your pants when there are people over!

        But denim chaps. You may be on to something. We might have to partner up, and bring these chaps to the youth of America. It will blow up.

  1. it is probably for the common good that you are not in the advertising world (my old profession), and use your skills in other ways. we each have our gifts, not sure how the client would have responded to your ‘old gap’ logo, i can only imagine the visuals to go with it.

  2. I need to slow down when I read your blogs because I had to go back and read it again. I could have sworn you said “Unless it includes denim and lace, I rarely wear it”.

    How about those Bears?

    1. That was the original post, before I deleted it and re-posted it with “boots” added. (Wow, I almost typed “boobs” instead of boots. That would’ve changed Everything…)

            1. There’s this cereal called “Go-Lean” which is a high-fiber twig kind of thing. Anyway, the chorus to “Jolene” includes “please don’t take my man.” To which I came up with “Go-Lean, Go-Lean, I’m beggin’ of you please don’t take my bran…” Sadly, these are the kinds of things that run through my head. If you Google the song, think of those words…

  3. Being a fashion icon isn’t important but please tell me your closet isnt full of 80’s wear. For example, don’t wear Bill Cosby sweaters. Those are very much not acceptable.

  4. I am now envisioning a franchise of dentist offices for the elderly opening in strip malls or super-stores …”OLD GAP: Coming soon to a Wal-Mart near you!

      1. Hahahahahahahahaha!

        That’s why I Love You, so much! Only you can inspire scary visions with so little words AND make me laugh like a Peanuts comic strip simultaneously!

  5. Discovered your blog via Thoughts of a Lunatic. Love this post as like you I’m a writer that never wanted to work in advertising. But what I live most about your blog is your profile which says you’re married to the perfect woman.

  6. I own 6 t-shirts that came from rock concerts, and a big Lebowski shirt that my best friend got me for Christmas. Everything else, and by everything, i mean EVERYTHING else in my wardrobe came directly from the goodwill store. My wife has strict orders to never under any circumstances shop for me anywhere else.

    I take pride in wearing all the clothes that the other people overpaid for.

    I am Awesome!!.

          1. OH SHIT!!!!!!


            Get to the post office immediately and overnight it, I have stripped down naked and vowed that the next thing I wear are those speedos and that shirt.

            You dont have time to reply. Leave NOW!!!!!

            1. *huff… huff… huff* OK, they are on their way, Tom. I told the Fed-Ex people that you would be naked, but to not pay attention. The dispatcher in your area told me she has seen you naked before, and that she didn’t pay attention then, either, so we should be good…

  7. I haven’t read through all the comments, but your wife is absolutely right about Old Navy and Gap. They’re both owned by the same company. Only difference is that Gap is way overpriced. I hope your wife and daughter found the perfect pair of colored denim. For what it’s worth, I’ve seen some really cute pairs at H&M.

    Also, unlike you, I dreamed of working in advertising on Madison Avenue in New York. A girl can dream . . .

    1. Thanks for the tip, Anka! They found a good sale, so all was well. And as for advertising, the difference between you and me is that you actually have talent 😉 If it were my dream, someone would be having nightmares.

No one is watching, I swear...

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