For those of you who are joining us for the first time, quite possibly because you have been preparing for the zombie hoard after seeing the people who shop at Wal-Mart after 10 p.m., The Door is an actual door in our newsroom where journalists at the Siuslaw News have been taping, tacking and, in some cases, using unidentified adhesives, to glorify the best and worst newspaper items since the 1970s. The Door is a journalist’s Mecca of sorts, to which we face each Tuesday and reverently ask The Great Editor:
How could yet let this happen?!?
Before we look upon The Door, we must follow a sacred ritual passed from generation to generation, beginning with this one, in which we join hands and repeat the following phrase in a monotoned voice similar to actors in a church youth group DVD about the virtues of abstinence:
The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.
As I mentioned, we at the Siuslaw News broke the story on zombies as far back as 2001, when we wrote about a local man who had invented his own in-ground purification system. Mr. Cole graciously explained how it works and showed us the housing unit for the filtration system, as seen below. Unfortunately, our press plant wasn’t as gracious, and accidentally flipped the color plates before printing. As a result, it looked more like a movie still from The Walking Dead episode, when a zombie infects the well water on a small farm.
As it proclaims above The Door in or newsroom:
We get it right, or we don’t get it at all.
Ned's Blog 
It’s the eyes and the fact that he is holding his intestines in that worries me …
LOL! Absolutely — I’ve often thought of how his posture completely sells the whole zombie image.
“We get it right, or we don’t get it at all.”
Sometimes people just don’t get it. At. All. 😉
And no, I would not drink water from that man’s well.
I totally get it. About your decision not to drink that man’s water, I mean…
I’m ready for the attack. Shoot for the head!!!
My fire station captain, ladies and gentlemen! See? We do more than put out fires…
“And over here, just inside my shed, is where I keep the braaaaaains……”
The dogs seem to have sniffed that out 😉
Oh yay, TUESDAY!! There’s no better day! Unless it’s Sunday!!!
And the perfect mantra, “We get it right, or we don’t get it at all.” I could not love it more.
Ned, if you have a spare moment, would you be so kind as to settle an argument I’ve been having with myself since I first ventured onto your page? What, pray tell, is the correct pronunciation of “Siuslaw?” I’m freakin’ tired of mumbling the name of your newspaper every time I encounter it. Not to mention sorely put to shame. And now I’m gettin’ straight-up angry. Those damn Indians …
Hahaha! It’s pronounced Sigh-you-slaw with no pause between. At some point, one of my posts for The Door will include the many ways Siuslaw has been spelled over the years by solicitors and letters sent in. We have them all pasted in a corner on The Door. As long as you don’t pronounce it Sew-WEEE-slaw you’ll be fine 😉
I’ll be anxiously awaiting that piece. And then doing a cross-comparison to see how many of the alternate spellings resemble my alternate pronunciations. I would never have guessed the correct (and now quite obvious) choice on my own. Must be a lesson in there somewhere … something about making things more difficult than they would have to be …
That’s what we at the Suis… Siew… Seusl… this newspaper do best!
Somehow I knew that. Chalk ONE up for the girl.
The Door is a green beacon, drawing us into the luscious frocks of Daisy’s promised land.
Now we know where Willy Wonka sent the Oompa Loompas who couldn’t make the candy factory cut.
Ha! Or possibly The Joker’s father, pointing out the secret entrance to the Bat Cave.
You would think that would not be necessary. Just followed the burned rubber patches.
*sigh* I don’t think zombies use protection…
That’s why I will never let my daughter date a zombie.
I have the same name, unless his name is Richard Deadwood…
Poor Grateful Richard Deadwood?
Never heard of him.
Let me try that again, with more oxygen to my brain and no auto-correct…
(begin Hee-Haw music)
I have the same rule, unless his name is Richard Deadwood! (Hee-HAW!)
S-a-a-a-a-a-a- LUTE!!
Like we say at the nude beaches here in Oregon: “Bottoms up, dang it!!”
Now I know why Perez Hilton visits Oregon.
Oregonians took a vote and gave Perez and Paris their own beach. Off shore. On a sea lion refuge. Near Hawaii.
We Illinoisians just send them to Wisconsin or Colorado, whichever governor has a spare bunk.
Oh, and UNCLE HENRY (thanks for letting me avoid work while playing here)
As always, it’s a pleasure to put off work as long as possible with you — Have a great day, Henry.
Take a smurf, cut off the fuzzy white tale and you have a zombie…. all the result of Brainy smurf’s not so practical joke. And if you think that comment is strange… what was that about going into Walmart, especially after 10 PM ! ? !
Yes, that is pretty strange.
And fine, make it after 10:30…
Poor guy. But maybe he got a role in WWZ!
Hey actually passed away a couple of years ago… or did he…?
Oh yeah. He looks like he’s getting his hillbilly hulk on.
Just as long as he keeps it on, I’ll be happy.
I LOVE your doooooooor!
And I live in the deepest of the south. I own swampland. It’s most valuable to me. You never know when you might need swampland…..as for drinking it…
That’s not the usual thing id use it for. Naw.
What DO you use it for? Raising alligators? Selling the mud to Northerners as “age defying cream?”
To hide the bodies. Shhhh.
I thought that was just the mortuaries that did that?
Oh. They chg top dolla.
We cheap. And we accept cash, ck, visa and m/c. However, cash would be the better route if you want a private burial.
I’ll start saving up now. Do you have lay-away?
I think we can work sumptum out.
SAY….I ain’t got my gumbo yet. How was the graduation?
Ours was rather hot. ANDREA decided to make landfall. This no garage sale. Dang.
Graduation was great; I’m so proud of her. She was my first and easiest. She was born an old soul. The other three, however, are making up for it!
I’m making my gumbo for the firehouse competition this Friday. The cook-off is Saturday against 10 other departments from all over the state. Took third last year with my BBQ pork; I think we’ve got a chance to sweep this year with gumbo, shrimp checca appetizer and chocolate carmel volcano cake 😉
I had two to grad. One from college. One from HS.
CONGRATS to your girl!
What is shrimp checca?
Wow! Congrats to you and yours as well, Lisa!
This year’s appetizer is required to include bay shrimp. I’m making checca, which is olive oil, fresh garlic, fresh basil, a dash of Kosher salt and diced tomatoes. You let that marinade for a couple of hours and serve with bread. I’m going to add the bay shrimp to it as my appetizer, about 15 minutes before we serve it so the tomato acid doesn’t “cook” the shrimp and make it chewy. It’s also really good tossed in linguini with fresh parm cheese.
Sounds de-lish!
I should send you the cookbook from the outer banks. It’s old southern seafood and such recipes from who we call “The Capt”. He’s quite the cook down here. Maybe give you a few new recipes.
A zombie apocalypse? I love those! I always lose weight!
Lol! There’s always a bright side to undead carnage.
actually i was thinking i might like to purchase a jug of moonshine from him and take my chances
How bad could it be, right? I mean, drinking 200-proof moonshine and being a zombie are pretty much the same thing.
exactly ned. both become mind-numbed beings, stumbling through the world. the white lightning effect.
Brilliant – he looks fab. The world is zombie mad at the moment – we even have our escape plan ready in case of attack here. I wonder ow he felt when he saw the picture in the paper though.
He’s a good sport. If I remember correctly, he said something like “I knew I should ave worn better shoes.”