Today, while conducting maintenance and inventory at our fire station, we discovered that the old “sleepers” quarters above the engine bay had been left unlocked. The room is always padlocked, so it has remained something of a mystery to our crew — until now.
Along with emergency supplies, water bottles, a dozen empty 55 gallon drums, dried food and bags of vegetable seeds, we found this:
It’s from the Center for Disease Control (CDC) and labeled:
Oregon Emergency Management Services: Zombie Pandemic Preparedness
Um… did I miss a meeting?
Ned's Blog 
Okay, that can’t be for real, right?
You know those CDC people! Always joking around!
It should be no surprise. Most of your readers are zombies or at least closely resemble one.
You being the exception of course, Mr. Deadwood.
I’m only part zombie.
I won’t bother to guess which part, but the rule of thumb for killing zombies would still apply: Aim for the head.
John Wayne Deadwood
I was thinking more along the lines of Dwayne Johnson Deadwood.
The Rock Hudson?
Peter O’Toole Deadwood
HA! Haahhahahahahahaha!!!
UH
Hey!!! I resemble that remark!
Quick, stab her in the forehead!!!
I just knew there was something dreadfully antisocial about all this zombie stuff.
I’ll protect you, Angela 😉
In all seriousness, the thing I like about many zombie stories is the social commentary. Often times, the zombies symbolize a segment of society that is either overlooked, disenfranchised or prejudiced against. For example, in the movie Land of the Dead, it’s about the “haves” isolating themselves from the “have-nots” and using their advantage to live a life of luxury and denial in a special fortress while the world falls apart around them. In another movie, zombies are controlled and used as entertainment slaves until one of them becomes self aware. On the surface, it may look like a simple horror, but there are often underlying statements about the current human condition. Plus, I just like by zombies… 😉
You really are overqualified to read Ned’s blog.
I’m under qualified to write it, so it pretty much balances out.
At least the restroom is close by.
Hey, it’s a perk. The only one, but still…
It’s a poop perk.
Are you being a wise crack?
Charmin, as usual.
I’m feeling flushed.
You ever hear a band called the Swirling Eddies? (I’m serious)
Lol! “Eddie” was my nickname name growing up. And no, I’ve never heard of that brand. I would totally wipe with that, thought.
Swirling Neddie
That brings back painful memories of middle school gym class.
I have to share this — it’s my theme song.
I didn’t realize you listened to music with that much sophistication. I’m sorry for underestimating you.
Thanks. I expose my taste in music, among other things, whenever I can.
That must be frustrating.
LMAO!!
OK, UH.
As always, thanks for the laughs, man. We have to meet up some time before we die or someone kills us. Have a great night.
Definightly! Make it soon. My lawn needs mowing.
I don’t do windows.
I have gotten all of my zombie training from call of duty. Just tell me how to find the pack a punch machine
Haha! You and my son can lead the resistance.
I actually just read about this. The CDC recently ran a massive outbreak simulation, and chose as their theme “Zombie Apocolypse”. Someone with a massive sense of humor, or they know something that they are keeping well hidden… 🙂 That must be what all the coffins are for too. Hey, check into this, because I have read several articles that have pictures of mass coffins questioning what these are for. Go Investigative Reporter, go!
ITS A CONSPIRACYYYYYYYYY!!!
Thanks Queen Lorane but i have to go RIGHT NOW
On a hunch, I flew to the CDC in Atlanta, but no one was there. Should we be concerned?
Did you check the crypt?
Nothing. Is that bad?
Well … durr! … isn’t that where they usually hang out (or hang off or whatever). Zombies are so not my thing …
I must confess to be a zombie nut. I can’t explain why. So I’m playing dumb in order to throw off the CDC…
Playing?
I’m completely immersed in the role.
To the BUNKERS! I actually have the article if you are interested in why they chose a zombie apocalypse as a major outbreak. Mainly an attempt to get young persons interested in what to do if an outbreak of any kind occurs, and this was a silly and fun theme. http://www.naturalnews.com/032454_zombie_apocalypse_CDC.html
It’s a fantastic idea. I downloaded one of the posters and printed it or my son. Hee hasn’t stopped washing his hands or stocking water since.
HAHAHA—I shouldn’t laugh. My husband is a PREPPER. We got it all. I will outlive even the cockroaches! I even have a water filter that you can put contaminated lake water into, mud and all, and it will come out H-2-O. Yes, you can be my best friend….for a free book. Just kidding. I am planning on buying it.
I have a feeling when the apocalypse comes, you will have LOTS of friends! The only plan we have is for a tsunami. And pimento spread to keep zombies away.
Get some garlic for the vampires
Does garlic bread count?
Get mouldy too quick. Need a necklace of the stuff. Didn’t you watch Supernatural or Buffy?
Nope, I’ve never seen either show. We don’t watch much TV, except for The Walking Dead, Hells Kitchen and The Bachelor(ette). Yes, we are social trend pariahs…
Better that way. Although you miss a little of the iconic social power of these two beauts on the younger set unless you are a little versed in them. That being said, they are B- but lovable. I only watch stuff from DVR. 20 minutes gained from FF adverts is 20 minutes saved.
I have three kids age 14 and under, plus an 18-year-old who keeps me pretty plugged in without the pain of getting shocked. Definitely the right outlook on gaining time by losing the commercials.
🙂 That’s right, use the little blighters. Gotta get your money out of them someway!
It’s a lot easier than trying to get them to do the dishes!
Dishes, heck, I just want them to take them to the sink and throw their clothes in the basket. I’m still on pre-school mode, and way too envious of the level you have achieved 🙂 I suck. No, they suck. No, I suck. I should have beat them when I could. Do you think Im wishy-washy?….No, don’t answer the obvious…. 🙂
Hahahahahaha! I keep telling my kids I will get my revenge when they have to change MY diapers. They have no idea I’m saving up…
I had cancer, and they have had more then their share of helping with the more disgusting parts of that illness, so I tend to cut them (too much) slack. But that is still a fine sentiment. Although you are too, too trusting that they wont let you sit in it with an air freshener….
First, my heartfelt gladness that you — and your family — survived your battle with cancer. Cheers to that every moment of very day.
Now, as far as my kids go, I wouldn’t put it past them. Any more than they wouldn’t put it past me to just drop my drawers at dinner and poop on the lasagna. I think that’s what they call “mutual disarmament.”
O-M-G. My fingers are speechless other then sounds like my household.
Being as we live just a few hours away from it, I hear you. Our little town is next to the Siuslaw River, and I can’t imagine what would happen if it was contaminated. Nor do I want to. I read “The Prophecy” when I was a kid and still have nightmares about mutant bears eating contaminated fish. I even freaked out over The Incredible Mr. Limpit…
I have a top of the line water filtration device. Sucker will filter mud and even FLOURIDE! No fins growing on this body……
Somewhere out there, Mr. Limpit just got a little sad.
HAHAHAHAHA……..
Aside–I just posted about the alien that I found in my wet-vac. You had a friend who had a similar experience and I said I would come up with one and send it. Turned out pretty funny– http://wp.me/p2HuGi-16A
Just read your post. Absolutely hilarious!! 🙂
Thank you for the idea to blog it. I was too PO’d and grossed out at the time for humor. Sometimes it needs to festor for a while. Cheers!
i would like to contribute a massive jar of red pimentos and a monstrous jar of mayonnaise
to the room. these are the items that my step aunt and her husband chose to stock up on during the y2k non-event. amazing thought process behind these choices i’m sure. p.s i really like the poster. my last experience with zombies was when i saw them hanging on the corner with a fat elvis and santa during our last midnight madness here. that’s all i’ve got.
I’ve heard if you rub mayonnaise and pimentos on your body, the zombies won’t touch you. Apparently, even the undead can’t stomach pimento spread.
You can’t make this stuff up.
I felt like I just walked into the beginning of a Stephen King novel!
Thank God you don’t live in Maine! If you did, you’d have no choice but to move.
It is absolutely true. It’s the CDC’s most successful preparedness campaign to date. It contains all the standard preparedness info in a…well…a zombie format.
There are podcasts, comics, novellas…here’s the link:
http://www.cdc.gov/phpr/zombies.htm
I remember seeing those huge billboards with a zombie woman peaking through the window blinds, and the question: “Are you prepared?” I thought it was brilliant then, but didn’t realize the CDC’s “zombie” campaign was still going.
Thanks for the link!
But I still have to wonder: Isn’t the best way to hide the truth by NOT hiding? (Da-da-DA!)
Actually it is supposed to be for the joint exercise being held by the CDC and Homeland security. Unfortunately they both seem to have gotten stuck on the ‘joint’ part. Alas that is how the zombies took over the country….. fortunately you sir are poised to be the head of the resistance movement.
Hahaha! My guess is that things came to a halt somewhere in a marijuana field in Oregon. The rest of us will be meeting in the old “sleepers” quarters at the fire station at midnight. Bring a flashlight and baseball bat.
That’s why the first C in CDC stands for Comedy.
The second C stands for Aluminum because they’re horrible spellers.
HaHaHaHa!
You know, Calahan, that probably explains why I had no trouble finding their office; I’m a horrible speller.
There weren’t any Twinkies in there??
That’s what I was thinking! Who cares about growing vegetables again after the apocalypse?!
I really thought that you would have to smear your body with reconstituted fruitcake to keep the zombies at bay. Now I find out that it’s pimento spread. Such a disappointment. 🙂
LOL! The fruitcake is for throwing and wielding as a weapon 🙂 Or if your car gets a flat tire.
You should perhaps be happy that you missed that meeting!!
Haha! wait… now I’m wondering if I was left out on purpose…
(Great to see your little typewriter again, Susan.)
I finally had time to catch up on some reading. I’ve missed propelling food and beverages onto my monitor!!
I know exaactly what you mean. It seems like the last three months have been insanely busy, certainly more than normal. Mostly all for good reason (my daughter’s graduation, the book, cook-off, etc), but still… I have been a horriblee blogging friend in terms of digging into my WP Reader. After this cook-off is over, I plan to make up for it — and you’re at the top of my list. Next is the danged mocha boy who still hasn’t shown up with your coffee…
I wasn’t going to mention it…..but I did finally cave and had to get my own coffee. Withdrawal is UGLY!! 😉
I need to cave and get a new delivery boy.