I laughed. “Of course I do. I’m blinking right now.”
“Um, no. You’re not. Seriously — can you blink?”
The problem began last night, when I stayed up until midnight working on the final draft, then was up again this morning at 5 a.m. for a walk with my wife. We drank coffee together at a small diner along the way, then came home to more coffee. Then another cup during my Thursday morning visit with my Mom — followed by a trip to the drive-thru at Dutch Bros for a large Carmelizer before arriving at the library.
The second clue to my over-caffeination was a trip to the men’s room, where I laid down what we firefighters call “an aggressive and sustained attack” that lasted through two urinal partners.
The good news is that I’m definitely awake and being productive. The bad news is that my eyeballs are drying out and I am on my eighth urinal sidekick.
If the book goes well, maybe I could become the spokesman for Visine and Depends..?
Ned's Blog 
Hard to keep your eyeballs moistened if you’re letting all that go down the drain! lol
Hahaha! I didn’t think about…
… fluid loss effect! (Sorry, had a bathroom break in the middle of that) 😉
Just reminded me of the scene in “A League of their Own”.
So you’re bright-eyed and bushy-tailed … er, wish I hadn’t said that. I think this post is a case of TMI … 😉
You’re good; I think both are pretty obvious 😉
“an aggressive and sustained attack”: Laugh! I was worried all that coffee was going to give you the trots, so I’m a might relieved. (As I’m sure you are.)
For whatever reason, today I was thinking of the time I watched “Blue Velvet” after consuming far too much coffee. Now that was an intense viewing.
Good luck with the final stretch. My bladder and I salute you.
Yeah, everyone in the library should be relieved! Thanks for the salute. From both of you 😉
Oh, and thanks forgetting “Blue Velvet” stuck in my head. That will help take my mind off of.. oh wait, no it won’t.
You want horrific earworms? You need to read my post today.
Just finished it, my friend. Really great stuff. But I wish you’d left Dr. Hook out of it. By the way, a HUGE congrats on getting FP’d again! That’s fantastic 😉 Cheers!
The sharts come next.
Not if I can help it *pretending he has a say in the matter*
I shall call you “Corky”.
And I shall call you soon…
We can talk about waterfalls, rushing water, gently flowing streams, the beauty of water fountains, falling rain,… having more coffee….
Depends.
Mason
Dickson…?
Chicks
for free?
Falling
into you (so please close your legs)
Smoooooke on the water
…..and the name of your book is!?
Humor at the Speed of Life.
But I may have to change it to “Humor can Be a Whiz”
Well, please be neat and wipe the seat. And at all costs, put the lid back down!
Unless there is no reason for you to lift the lid. Otherwise, carry on.
That’s actually one of my pet peeves. I have hammered that home with my boys. One night, I went in and found the seat peed on after one of my sons was in there. I wiped it off, then sprinkled it with water and had him come in after he was asleep. I had him sit down on it and he jumped up immediately. “What’s on there?!” he asked. I said, “My pee. How does it feel?”
He ALWAYS lifts and lowers the lid now 😉
This post streams amusement. 😉
It’s a running joke… 😉
Promoting showers of laughter (not the golden kind!!) 😀
I think I’m feeling a little flushed 😉
Keeping up with your wit is draining! 🙂
I just keep plunging ahead until I get clogged.
By the way, it’s pretty cool that you and your wife make time for that walk together.
Thanks, Steve. All kidding aside, I can’t think of a better way to begin or end my day than with her.
lmao @ “an aggressive and sustained attack” that lasted through two urinal partners…they must have imagined they were part of a practical joke
No doubt, that shared experience will bond them for life.
*20 years from now, sipping a beer on the anniversary of The Day*
“Hey, remember when that guy at the library..”
“Just sip your beer — I still don’t want to talk about it.”
Have you never seen the spiders on drugs experiment? The ‘spider on caffeine’ web is particularly useless. I am concerned 😉
How do you think Charlotte stayed up so late making those webs?
Now I thought she had just the one web? Or are you seeing plurals where there aren’t any these days 😉
I think I may be confusing Charlotte with a dangling participle..
No discussion of danglers thank you, I’m British.
Sorry about that. Have a good bidet, mate! Oh wait, that’s Australian…
You’ve only had too much coffee when you begin to cry half and half.
The experience has left a sour taste in my mouth. That explains it.
Retaining a rabbit in the headlights look and excessive urinating… the symptoms of a writer.
I’m pretty sure those symptoms were present the night I met my wife, too…
Okay, on second thoughts, perhaps you need to get checked out. :p Kidding… that is cute.
Lol! It worked; that’s all that matters. The headlights look, not the other part… 😉
You are the absolute opposite of George Costanza from the Seinfeld episode where he kept winking constantly! Aside from your apparent coffee high, your day sounded just lovely!!! Your work will soon pay off! 🙂
I really appreciate that! 🙂 Telling me I’m the opposite of George Costanza, I mean. For a second, I thought I was getting short and pudgy and didn’t know it. Whew! 😉
Haha! You have absolutely no resemblence to him at all! But your situation reminded me of his ability in that episode to constantly not stop blinking/winking, haha. I think Gorge Costanza would not be a fire fighter… as it also figured that he ran out and stampeed a small group of children at a children’s party as he made his way out the door when somenone screamed “FIRE!” lol.
LOL! I remember that episode! It’s one of my favorites! Especially now as a FF 🙂 I don’t think I ever mentioned it, but Tom Cherones, who directed the first five seasons of Seinfeld, is a friend off mine. He lives here in Florence and just published his first book through the same publisher I am signed with. We play a lot of Frogger together 😉
That is awesome!! What a small world 🙂 Please pass on that I can find life wisdom in just about anything from any Seinfeld episode to Tom Cherones. Be careful with the Frogger game!! Stay off the very busy streets! lol 🙂
Will do! I know he’ll appreciate that. It was one of his favorite episodes too 😉
Congrats on getting so far on your book!! 🙂 Coffee is so freaky, it even changes the smell of one’s urine. Crap – I almost said flavor there, but that’s not my thing. Not judging! Yes I am – that’s disgusting!
Hahahahaha! That’s why I always drink flavored coffee. I’m considerate that way. I’m talking abiut as a way to keep my urine from being smelly. Not as a flavoring.
🙂 So relieved to know you aren’t a deviant!
Perhaps the library can install a small ceremonial plaque bearing your name right over your ‘throne,’ in a ‘Washington slept here’ mode, in anticipation of your literary success. They can lay claim to having been a part of this whole process. ) beth
Thank you for that awesome idea! To save time and money, I went ahead and did it with a Sharpie on one of the tiles…
how bout a wink. That is half of a blink. Can i just get a wink ned.
Tom, I just winked at you with both eyes. Is that still considered a wink? Or am I just falling asleep…
I am just glad to hear that your eye lids are back in service
So are my kids. The blinkless stare is usually reserved for when they are in trouble.
Yes, I too am a fan of the stare.
Can your eyes rotate counterclockwise? 😉
Let me get them to roll forward from the back of my head and give it a try…
DAMN, you’re pretty!
You should see me in heels.
You definitely should be the “before” wizzer for the benign prostatic hypertrophy commercials. Hey, at least you know your prostate is not enlarged…Now just wait until you come off that caffeine high….
Looking forward to that! Coming off the caffeine high, not the enlarged prostate….
Remember to drink some water with all that stuff! LOL Happy writing 🙂
Thanks, Katie 😉
So. I decided to have a look at some of your older stuff and I came across this one, and I am back to crying!! I am laughing so hard, and I haven’t even got past the picture yet! Don’t know if I can make it to the story…. need a break… be back later… OMG…. just OMG…
No worries; I’m used to that reaction when people see me…
Oh sure! . It is quite amazing how much you can convey with a single look. You were so meant for pictures! And OK, videos too. Thank God you can throw writing in there too. I think you’ve got a future in this kid. 😉
I’ve always been a late bloomer. Not that I’ve ever worn bloomers.
All kidding aside again… your comment about walking with your wife, “Thanks, Steve. All kidding aside, I can’t think of a better way to begin or end my day than with her”…..
One of the best things I’ve read on any blog. You are a good man Ned. Now, I’ll leave you alone. Until the next post…
Thanks, Robyn 😉