This morning, CNN’s Anderson Cooper was the latest TV journalist to contact us for an exclusive, explaining that The Door is as historically significant to journalists as “the Geraldo Rivera mustache clippings I have preserved in my freezer.” Cooper went on to explain he felt particularly suited to preforming what he referred to as “the big reveal” of The Door to the rest of the world, and how he envisions the segment beginning with him coming out from the other side. Admittedly, I considered the idea but felt the need to explain that the other side of The Door is the newsroom commode.
“It’s not a closet?” Cooper asked.
“No, just a commode and small hand sink. And toilet paper. Usually.”
[Long silence from Cooper] “… Let me get back to you.”
Since then, I have received six more faxes from Morley Safer and a Face Time message from Barbara Walters, who took a cue from Safer by showing her rear and saying “You Will QWACK!” For those of you who have been Face Timing me, I’m sorry — but I have now deleted that app.
Despite all this pressure, this week’s post of The Door will continue! For anyone who might be visiting this feature or blog for the first time, I should explain The Door is home to the best and worst examples of print journalism, clipped and attached by reporters here at Siuslaw News since the 1970s — back when Googling and Tweeting usually took place in the back of a VW bus. Each Tuesday, we highlight a clipping as a way to celebrate moments of Shame, Blame and Brilliance, and also to frustrate Barbara Walters.
Before we highlight this week’s entry, we must first observe a tradition established nearly four decades ago — in an alternate universe — by joining hands and repeating the following phrase in a monotoned voice similar to anyone with season tickets to the Yankees:
The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.
Let us begin!
This week’s post from The Door is unique because it isn’t technically from a newspaper. However, it was sent as a press release to South County News, one of our sister newspapers, and they passed it along to me because… well, you’ll see why…
I’m sure this particular press release was re-written before it made the newspaper, because as professionals that’s what we do. Then again, it could have been a slow news day…
Ned's Blog 
ohhhhh…..ohhhhh….the thought of coop coming from…I mean walking out from behind that door just makes me shiver . whew. (you coulda done without the Geraldo thing. that’s an ick factor.)
Im thinking …hoping rather that coop was a soccer coach at one time..like 2006…id gladly return those for him, in hand……gladly. ahhhhh….
did I say I love you ned?
If Coop calls me back, I’ll ask inquire as to his whereabouts in 2006, and if they are still missing…
specifically make SURE you get the right balls ned….that is ALL important. AND IF he comes out from behind said door….have the phone ready…capture every pic avail…DO NOT JOURNAL this..send me email. just me…ok and fat bottom girl.
Right. Left. Does it really matter to you girls?
No as long as there IS a right and a left.
I can’t confirm that. Not do I have any plans to. That’s what Instagram is for.
And the DOOR.
You have the DOOR.
WHO WANTS INSTAGRAM. ??????
I wanna keep him foreva and eva.
NOT THAT IT WOULD EVER DO ME ANY GOOD. EVER. sigh.
You would think a good coach would know the AO of their balls. 😉
He must be single.
Actually, he might be married, because from what I hear married guys’ wives tend to carry theirs, in their purse. lol
Which is why I assumed he’s single; otherwise he’d no exactly where they are 😉
hahaha
After one the boys’ practices the coach would ask the kids to get the loose balls. Better loose balls than loose bowels I always say. I’m thinking coaches share some genetic traits.
Hahaha! I’ve also heard them call for someone to “grab the ball sack,” which isn’t a pleasant thought either…
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Far from pleasant but freakin funny!
Poor Bambie. How sweetly unfortunate. 🙂
Yes, I’m having a Bambie flashback moment at this very moment 😉
I’m just glad you didn’t black out her phone number….there’s a prank call in this somewhere…I’ll think on it some and find it.
Good luck. I’m sure, after an appropriate amount of study, it will come to you.
Sorry for not commenting yesterday. I fell asleep before I could utter “jagged”.
I am surprised that someone named “Bambie” has balls.
I thought I heard you snoring.
And I agree, balls seems to go better with “Thumper.”
zzzzzzzzzzzzz
HA!!!! Agreed.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Anderson Cooper coming out of the closet? The least you could do for him is to clean the toilet ahead of time.
I would have, but couldn’t get him to let go of the plunger.
Show him the mirror.
I’ll send him over…
I’m hiding the plunger.
He’ll find it there.
He’s no Geraldo.
Neither is Geraldo anymore.
Geraldo would have made a great Hollywood Squares guest.
I just forgot where I was going with that.
Charlie Weaver is probably the only one who knows.
NiCE!!!
turn your head and cough please.
LOL! (cough cough)
So awesome. Classic case of “can’t make this shit up”.
You complete me… (Thanks, btw)