Anderson Cooper latest to seek handle on… The Door

The Door, serving as journalistic sentinel and restroom door.
The Door, preserving journalistic history and restroom privacy.
After getting Freshly Pressed last week, pressure from the major news outlets for exclusive access to The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) has only escalated in our newsroom. And speaking of Freshly Pressed, retired ABC News reporter Morley Safer is still sending faxes of his rear with the words You Will Crack scrawled on them, hoping we will succumb to what he threatened would be “my dogged and relentless pursuit to get the story, as long as I don’t have to leave my study.”

This morning, CNN’s Anderson Cooper was the latest TV journalist to contact us for an exclusive, explaining that The Door is as historically significant to journalists as “the Geraldo Rivera mustache clippings I have preserved in my freezer.” Cooper went on to explain he felt particularly suited to preforming what he referred to as “the big reveal” of The Door to the rest of the world, and how he envisions the segment beginning with him coming out from the other side. Admittedly, I considered the idea but felt the need to explain that the other side of The Door is the newsroom commode.

“It’s not a closet?” Cooper asked.

“No, just a commode and small hand sink. And toilet paper. Usually.”

[Long silence from Cooper] “… Let me get back to you.”

Since then, I have received six more faxes from Morley Safer and a Face Time message from Barbara Walters, who took a cue from Safer by showing her rear and saying “You Will QWACK!” For those of you who have been Face Timing me, I’m sorry — but I have now deleted that app.

Despite all this pressure, this week’s post of The Door will continue! For anyone who might be visiting this feature or blog for the first time, I should explain The Door is home to the best and worst examples of print journalism, clipped and attached by reporters here at Siuslaw News since the 1970s — back when Googling and Tweeting usually took place in the back of a VW bus. Each Tuesday, we highlight a clipping as a way to celebrate moments of Shame, Blame and Brilliance, and also to frustrate Barbara Walters.

Before we highlight this week’s entry, we must first observe a tradition established nearly four decades ago — in an alternate universe — by joining hands and repeating the following phrase in a monotoned voice similar to anyone with season tickets to the Yankees:

The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.

Let us begin!

This week’s post from The Door is unique because it isn’t technically from a newspaper. However, it was sent as a press release to South County News, one of our sister newspapers, and they passed it along to me because… well, you’ll see why…

It's our job to fix these kinds of things. That doesn't mean we don't laugh at them first.
It’s our job to fix these kinds of things. That doesn’t mean we don’t laugh at them first.

I’m sure this particular press release was re-written before it made the newspaper, because as professionals that’s what we do. Then again, it could have been a slow news day…

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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

37 thoughts on “Anderson Cooper latest to seek handle on… The Door”

  1. ohhhhh…..ohhhhh….the thought of coop coming from…I mean walking out from behind that door just makes me shiver . whew. (you coulda done without the Geraldo thing. that’s an ick factor.)
    Im thinking …hoping rather that coop was a soccer coach at one 2006…id gladly return those for him, in hand……gladly. ahhhhh….

    did I say I love you ned?

      1. specifically make SURE you get the right balls ned….that is ALL important. AND IF he comes out from behind said door….have the phone ready…capture every pic avail…DO NOT JOURNAL this..send me email. just me…ok and fat bottom girl.

  2. After one the boys’ practices the coach would ask the kids to get the loose balls. Better loose balls than loose bowels I always say. I’m thinking coaches share some genetic traits.

No one is watching, I swear...

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