If you have a cat, I’m sure you’ve heard about the world’s first TV program specifically designed for cats. This groundbreaking show premiered — ironically — on the Oxygen Network, which demonstrates what can happen when creative minds are allowed to collaborate freely and openly in a room that is actually being deprived of oxygen. That’s the only explanation I have for some of the things I saw on this show; things like cats doing yoga. Cat haiku. And a cat that eats with chopsticks.
Yes, I said a cat that eats with chopsticks.
As you might’ve guessed, the cat I saw doing this was Siamese, which is a breed known for its intelligence. I watched in amazement as Ying-Yow (which is Cantonese for “always hungry”) demonstrated his supreme cognitive skills by using chopsticks fitted with special “booties” to eat a mixture of dry cat food and squid. As impressive as this was, he still isn’t as smart as our cat, which would have simply run away to find a new family.
But not before breaking his chopsticks in half and shoving them into the nearest “booty.”
This isn’t to say that Meow TV is just a cat variety show. There are also long segments where the screen shows nothing but fish swimming in a bowl. Or sparrows eating in the park. This can last 10 to 15 minutes at a time without explanation or purpose, which is why I found myself checking to make sure I hadn’t accidentally switched to watching a rerun of Teletubbies.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with this show, let me just say it’s been several years since I watched that show with my children, and I still have no idea what was going on. I remember the names of the characters, and that they lived underground in a spaceship somewhere in a magical land. They all had some kind of antenna on top of their heads, each of which appeared to have been damaged.
Probably when they crash-landed on Earth.
This would explain why they spent all of their time making baby sounds and dancing with a vacuum cleaner named “Noo-Noo” instead of accomplishing their supreme objective: To set up a base camp for the alien invasion. I say this because they had a highly advanced communication system complete with viewing screens mounted INSIDE their stomachs, and a giant transmitter disguised as a windmill that picked up images from anywhere on the planet — and all of which they used for surveillance of things like….
Someone folding laundry.
As I said, I still don’t really understand what was going on in Teletubby land. All I know is that apparently Rev. Jerry Falwell didn’t either.
So, what’s the connection between Teletubbies and Meow TV?
First, our cat won’t watch either one.
Second, when I took into account the many hours I spent with my children trying to understand Teletubbies, I felt I owed our cat the same consideration when it came to Meow TV.
I’ll now describe this experience in the form of cat haiku:
We tried cat yoga
Striving to reach inner peace
Before I bled out
That said, I hope those of you with cats have better luck than I did. My suggestion would be to avoid any form of yoga that places you within 20 feet of said cat.
Particularly if it has had to spend any time eating with chopsticks.
(Ned is syndicated with News Media Corporation. Write to him at nhickson@thesiuslawnews.com, or at Siuslaw News, P.O. Box 10, Florence, Ore. 97439)
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Great way to start my morning…with a smile! Love this post.
Thanks, Corrie! And my cat thanks you 😉
I’m just grateful they haven’t worked out how to grow opposable thumbs. Can you imagine?
They would be as unruly as racoons … only, with intelligence. So, one step away from world domination then. *shudders*
The only thing worse would be if crows had opposable thumbs — smart and devious. Plus there’s that whole “The Omen” thing…
Yes, let’s see if we can make the animals as stupid as the people! I have to admit my grandparents were right when they called television the idiot box.
Unlike humans, I think cats will recognize the need to avoid TV if they want to continue to dominate the world 😉
hahahahahahahahaha! Excellent!
I think there is a show for dogs, too. What a world when we aren’t satisfied with sticking our children in front of a tv all day long…now we must do the same with our pets! haha!
Great point! But I draw the line at getting my pet an iPod.
I don’t have a cat, yet strangely enough, I kind of want to watch this show now.
That haiku is priceless!
It was the cat with chop sticks, wasn’t it?
Glad you liked the hauku 😉
Sorry, I meant “haiku.” Hauku is the sound a cat makes when it throws up…
I leave my red pen (and my own self-editor) in my desk when I’m on WordPress. I didn’t even notice. 🙂
*wipes brow* 😉
I had a cat that totally got into a bird show I was watching one time. So much so that when the bird flew off the screen, he walked around the back of the TV to see where it went. Cats are extremely finicky though, so don’t tend to be the best audience; what got rave reviews last week, might only get a nose snub and a flick of the tail this week. lol
Lol! I agree. I would never want to feel the pressure of being the program director for Meow TV.
The corollary is also true. Cats for television. Just 9 more reasons not to have a life. How did you find out about the new free gifts included with the totally redesigned VW mini bus for the year end close out ? ! ? ! ?
Hahaha! Nine more reasons not to have a life! That’s great 😉 I believe the VW close out special includes a free 3-month subscription to Meow TV, so your cat can watch while you drive it around.
Ned, absolutely brilliant hauku, which I believe is a new genre totally invented by you. Hordes of Japanese cats are even now plotting revenge.
Thanks, Mikels! I will make sure to stay away from The Orient in general. And fortunately, my cat isn’t Siamese…
This started with videos and DVDs, which apparently sold well. Someone gave me one as a ” cat Christmas present” years ago. One of my cats used to to sit and stare at the fish bowl part and ignore the rest of it while the other had no interest at all. My thoughts are that whoever invented this is laughing all the way to the bank.
That explains it. The inventor was probably a dog…
Dogs rule and cats drool?
My dog has that t-shirt 😉
you had me at broken chop sticks…and booty.
Just trying to stay with the whole “Thai” theme that has generated so much interest for you…
you were the one that brought thai into the conversation…
I suppose you’re right. I’ll take full responsibility should anything happen with my use of the term “booty,” too…
OH NO.
that was my doing.
My cats would sooner chase, catch and eat a fly (tastes like chicken) than sit in front of the TV. In regard to yoga, I was in cat-on-a-frog pose just last night. Luckily, I had just trimmed his nails the night before.
Hahahha! That’s so weird. Just the other night I was eating KFC while doing yoga while my cat watched. We must live in a slightly parallel universe…
Chicken pose! You may have discovered something new.
Cat TV? Sweet Jesus – i bled out to on hearing that news
Remember, I’m just the messenger. Sorry…
We live in strange times Ned
Without question. Look at Joan Rivers, for example…
You are right Ned – there is one feline looking chick after all the sliceing and diceing
This is hilarious. I actually don’t have cable, but I might look into it now. That sounds extremely amusing.
Please don’t encourage them. People thought Honey Boo Boo was amusing, and look what happened…
You know, I’m really not familiar with Honey Boo Boo. I’ve heard that name a lot, but I’m not sure what it is. I’ll go to YouTube and take a look…
Oh dear. That was tragic.
Yeah. Sorry about that. I feel like a bad person now.
I’ll send you my therapy bill. (Seriously, it’s probably a good thing I don’t have cable. I’m missing out on a lot of trauma that way — even though I’m often out of the loop and can’t keep up with conversations people are having.) Nice blog, by the way. I really enjoy it!
You’re not missing anything. Because of that, you’re probably right about the trauma factor. In fact, I should be laying on YOUR couch telling you my problems.
Thanks for the kind words, Matthew, and am enjoying your as well. Have a great weekend!
You too!
I feel like the next step would be to have a cat porn channel; boxes, boxes, boxes… all sizes, and shapes. Maybe that would drive their feline viewers, lol.
Boxes, boxes, boxes… Forgive me for asking, but are we still talking about cat porn?