Journalists drawn to mystery of… The Door

The Door in our newsroom:  History sentinel and commode shield.
The Door in our newsroom:
History sentinel and commode shield.
Though we have received a small respite from the constant barrage of angry Barbara Walters phone calls, emails from Brit Hume and booty faxes from Morley Safer seeking an exclusive on The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance), today’s post will undoubtedly change that. As regular readers of this weekly feature know, The Door is home to newspaper clippings posted by reporters here at Siuslaw News since the 1970s, highlighting the best and worst examples of print media moments for nearly four decades. It has been called a journalistic mecca; a reporter’s Rosetta Stone; or as Anderson Cooper so eloquently stated, “A sentinel with an impressively large door knob, waiting to be twisted.”

Today’s entry, however, is a first — and something that will undoubtedly have Barbara Walters putting us back on speed dial. But before revealing today’s entry, we must follow a protocol of tradition by joining hands and repeating in a monotone voice similar to Barbara Walters under hypnosis:

The Door is a beacon, dwawing us into the jagged wocks of journawism…

That said, let us get to this week’s entry!
(Keep holding hands of you want to)

Upon The Door is a photo of a photo, discovered by a reporter who saw it hanging in the local pioneer museum. At first glance, it appears to be a standard photo of school children standing outside of an old school house. Except for one thing…

Maybe they were playing "One of These Things Is Not Like the Others?"
Maybe they were playing “One of These Things Is Not Like the Others?”

The museum’s photo caption includes the name of the school, Karnowsky Creek School, which was located eight miles east of Florence on Duncan Island, and that it was taken in 1919. It also lists the names of everyone: LuLu Leppert, Wilda Karnowsky, Isabel Akerly, Mrs. Karnowsky (teacher) and Frank Karnowsky.

There’s only one thing they forgot to mention:

Why is LuLu 15-FEET TALL?!?

There is no explanation given for this. One can only assume she is either 1) related to Paul Bunyan or 2) normal size in a school of elves. Because of these unanswered questions, our reporter was unable to run this photo with his story on pioneer families.

We did, however, briefly consider investigating further to uncover what might’ve been the first documented case of steroid use. From what we understand, they had one heck of a basketball season that year…

(P.S. Speaking of ridiculous steroid news, today I am a guest contributor at The Grimm Report, an extremely funny website devoted to headline-style news reports from the land of fairytales. Want to read the latest on accusations of steroid use by fabled John Henry? Here’s my post at The Grimm Report)

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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

39 thoughts on “Journalists drawn to mystery of… The Door”

    1. HAHAHA! Excellent. It is truly bizzaro. I consider myself pretty good with photo manipulation (I look nothing like my avitar. I actually am bald and lost my lips to cigarette candies), but I can’t figure out what’s going on in that photo…

    1. Exactly! It’s like looking in a mirror inside a mirror inside a marijuana haze. I suspect this photo is where the term “That story’s a real LuLu!” came from.

      It’s just a theory I’m working on…

                1. I have been accused of pulling some of my columns out of my A#$. I’ve always responded with “This is some of my best work!” Your theory explains everything.

    1. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when I read your comment; those are the exact words that left my mouth when I first saw it, with what I’m guessing was the same flat tone. My brain was befuddled. More than usual…

  1. Holy GIANT!!! Okay, okay…*trying not to choke* is there some kind of secret in on Duncan Island that needs to be anthropologically studied?? Well… tonight is going to be a nightlight kind of night. My mind is now going crazy. Aliens, big foot, and anything else now seems completely possible, and by possible I mean possibly showing up in my balcony tonight.
    Love the Grimm Report by the way, can’t wait to mosey on over and read it! 🙂

    1. Yeah, just a little freaky! I think I’m pretty good at spotting photo manipulation, but I got nothin’ here. And remember: That’s LuLu! If there’s a knock on the second-floor balcony, don’t answer… 😉

    1. Considering that photo was taken before Photoshop and trick photography, I’ll admit I’m a little freaked out; Duncan Island is less than 10 miles away from where I live. And sometimes I hear things…

No one is watching, I swear...

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