Though we have received a small respite from the constant barrage of angry Barbara Walters phone calls, emails from Brit Hume and booty faxes from Morley Safer seeking an exclusive on The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance), today’s post will undoubtedly change that. As regular readers of this weekly feature know, The Door is home to newspaper clippings posted by reporters here at Siuslaw News since the 1970s, highlighting the best and worst examples of print media moments for nearly four decades. It has been called a journalistic mecca; a reporter’s Rosetta Stone; or as Anderson Cooper so eloquently stated, “A sentinel with an impressively large door knob, waiting to be twisted.”
Today’s entry, however, is a first — and something that will undoubtedly have Barbara Walters putting us back on speed dial. But before revealing today’s entry, we must follow a protocol of tradition by joining hands and repeating in a monotone voice similar to Barbara Walters under hypnosis:
The Door is a beacon, dwawing us into the jagged wocks of journawism…
That said, let us get to this week’s entry!
(Keep holding hands of you want to)
Upon The Door is a photo of a photo, discovered by a reporter who saw it hanging in the local pioneer museum. At first glance, it appears to be a standard photo of school children standing outside of an old school house. Except for one thing…
The museum’s photo caption includes the name of the school, Karnowsky Creek School, which was located eight miles east of Florence on Duncan Island, and that it was taken in 1919. It also lists the names of everyone: LuLu Leppert, Wilda Karnowsky, Isabel Akerly, Mrs. Karnowsky (teacher) and Frank Karnowsky.
There’s only one thing they forgot to mention:
Why is LuLu 15-FEET TALL?!?
There is no explanation given for this. One can only assume she is either 1) related to Paul Bunyan or 2) normal size in a school of elves. Because of these unanswered questions, our reporter was unable to run this photo with his story on pioneer families.
We did, however, briefly consider investigating further to uncover what might’ve been the first documented case of steroid use. From what we understand, they had one heck of a basketball season that year…
(P.S. Speaking of ridiculous steroid news, today I am a guest contributor at The Grimm Report, an extremely funny website devoted to headline-style news reports from the land of fairytales. Want to read the latest on accusations of steroid use by fabled John Henry? Here’s my post at The Grimm Report)
39 thoughts on “Journalists drawn to mystery of… The Door”
Can we stop holding hands now please?
Sorry… mine are getting a little sweaty.
I think this originally appeared on “Photoshoppe Disasters & Sons.”
HAHAHA! Excellent. It is truly bizzaro. I consider myself pretty good with photo manipulation (I look nothing like my avitar. I actually am bald and lost my lips to cigarette candies), but I can’t figure out what’s going on in that photo…
Maybe it’s from a health pamphlet outlining the horrors of self-abuse. I don’t know why that’s the first thing that comes to mind…
Hmmmm. I hadn’t thought about that. Probably because I haven’t been drinking…
Mysteries abound: why is LuLu named LuLu and why don’t those people have feet?
Exactly! It’s like looking in a mirror inside a mirror inside a marijuana haze. I suspect this photo is where the term “That story’s a real LuLu!” came from.
It’s just a theory I’m working on…
As weird as that photo is, I can’t stop thinking about Morley Safer’s booty faxes.
Give me your fax number and I’ll forward them to you…
A certain someone has really clammy hands. Maybe we shouldn’t be joining hands to recite the chant..er.. Door motto.
That was probably me. I lick them first to make sure they are clean before joining hands. Is that bad?
Hopefully you didn’t lick them afterwards. I used the Door before the ritual and I just might have omitted the hand washing part. It wasn’t my fault. Someone stole the Lava.
I generally avoid any post-licking.
As in after hand holding, not…
Never mind, I can see you’re already ahead of me on that remark.
Don’t ever shake my left hand.
In fact, I’ll probably just go for the knuckle bump.
Better than a neck punch.
Especially if you lick your fist first.
I was going to say I lube my fist first, but then, well, that’s too much even for me.
Good call; I have big fists.
I should just walk away from this one while I still can.
If the situation was reversed, I would run. But that’s just me.
Sorry… I just realized that’s probably not what you were getting at…
It’s hard for me to type right now. My fist is in my nose.
That’s when I do my best writing.
The best way to stimulate one’s brain is direct contact.
I have been accused of pulling some of my columns out of my A#$. I’ve always responded with “This is some of my best work!” Your theory explains everything.
…you added Anderson for me…I, in return, added you to my blog today. Please don’t thank me. (big sheepy grin) chweers!
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when I read your comment; those are the exact words that left my mouth when I first saw it, with what I’m guessing was the same flat tone. My brain was befuddled. More than usual…
i think those two words are really all that need be said about it.
Agreed. Sometimes less is more. It’s my mantra, really…
Holy GIANT!!! Okay, okay…*trying not to choke* is there some kind of secret in on Duncan Island that needs to be anthropologically studied?? Well… tonight is going to be a nightlight kind of night. My mind is now going crazy. Aliens, big foot, and anything else now seems completely possible, and by possible I mean possibly showing up in my balcony tonight.
Love the Grimm Report by the way, can’t wait to mosey on over and read it! 🙂
Yeah, just a little freaky! I think I’m pretty good at spotting photo manipulation, but I got nothin’ here. And remember: That’s LuLu! If there’s a knock on the second-floor balcony, don’t answer… 😉
I would think that every photo has to comply with the laws of perspective, but I guess some older cameras just weren’t advanced enough for that.
That has a certain level of plausibility. But I’m still leading toward my theory of LuLu being a giant…
LuLu is making my brain hurt!
Considering that photo was taken before Photoshop and trick photography, I’ll admit I’m a little freaked out; Duncan Island is less than 10 miles away from where I live. And sometimes I hear things…