Though we have received a small respite from the constant barrage of angry Barbara Walters phone calls, emails from Brit Hume and booty faxes from Morley Safer seeking an exclusive on The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance), today’s post will undoubtedly change that. As regular readers of this weekly feature know, The Door is home to newspaper clippings posted by reporters here at Siuslaw News since the 1970s, highlighting the best and worst examples of print media moments for nearly four decades. It has been called a journalistic mecca; a reporter’s Rosetta Stone; or as Anderson Cooper so eloquently stated, “A sentinel with an impressively large door knob, waiting to be twisted.”
Today’s entry, however, is a first — and something that will undoubtedly have Barbara Walters putting us back on speed dial. But before revealing today’s entry, we must follow a protocol of tradition by joining hands and repeating in a monotone voice similar to Barbara Walters under hypnosis:
The Door is a beacon, dwawing us into the jagged wocks of journawism…
That said, let us get to this week’s entry!
(Keep holding hands of you want to)
Upon The Door is a photo of a photo, discovered by a reporter who saw it hanging in the local pioneer museum. At first glance, it appears to be a standard photo of school children standing outside of an old school house. Except for one thing…
The museum’s photo caption includes the name of the school, Karnowsky Creek School, which was located eight miles east of Florence on Duncan Island, and that it was taken in 1919. It also lists the names of everyone: LuLu Leppert, Wilda Karnowsky, Isabel Akerly, Mrs. Karnowsky (teacher) and Frank Karnowsky.
There’s only one thing they forgot to mention:
Why is LuLu 15-FEET TALL?!?
There is no explanation given for this. One can only assume she is either 1) related to Paul Bunyan or 2) normal size in a school of elves. Because of these unanswered questions, our reporter was unable to run this photo with his story on pioneer families.
We did, however, briefly consider investigating further to uncover what might’ve been the first documented case of steroid use. From what we understand, they had one heck of a basketball season that year…
(P.S. Speaking of ridiculous steroid news, today I am a guest contributor at The Grimm Report, an extremely funny website devoted to headline-style news reports from the land of fairytales. Want to read the latest on accusations of steroid use by fabled John Henry? Here’s my post at The Grimm Report)