After today, Dick Cheney will probably blow up… The Door

The Door: Guardian of historic journalism; protector of commode privacy...

The Door: Guardian of historic journalism; protector of commode privacy…

It appears Keith Morrison has given up pursuing an exclusive on The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) here in our newsroom. There were no creepy messages from him on my voicemail this morning and, after throwing his back out lifting a water jug, he is no longer posing as an Arrowhead Springs water delivery guy in order to gain access. In addition, we’ve stopped jumping whenever the fax machine goes off now that Morley Safer has stopped sending booty faxes with the warning You Will Crack! written on them.

Yes, things are quiet here; the calm before the storm.

I say that because today’s post will likely put me in the crosshairs of one of the most powerful men this country has ever purposely been made to forget about. In fact, his systematic disappearance after leaving the White House was so complete that I can’t even remember where I was going with this…

Wait! I remember, thanks to this newspaper clipping, which illustrates the importance of The Door, and why journalistic icon Geraldo Rivera has called it “The Al Capone’s Vault of journalistic treasures. No really, I MEAN it this time!” and why rearviewed… oops, I mean revered… journalist Anderson Cooper has referred to The Door as “A revealing look at journalism, depending on who comes out of the commode.”

Before we get to this week’s entry and identify He Who Shall Not Be Named, I should explain to those who may be visiting for the first time, or those with a medical marijuana card who don’t remember being here before, The Door is a collection of newspaper clippings taped to our bathroom door by reporters here at Siuslaw News since the 1970s. The tradition continues to this day, as does use of the commode on the other side.

In keeping with tradition, we must now join hands and, in a monotoned voice similar to Queen Elizabeth explaining where babies come from to a 23-year-old Prince Charles, recite the following chant:

The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism

Now for this week’s entry, which is probably already being dialed in by someone with first-strike capabilities. Why? Because it requires me to utter the name…

— Wait, let me out my fingers in my ears first, just in case there’s an explosion —

… Dick Cheney.

Still Here! He must be sleeping or playing Whack-a-Mole.

Anyway, today’s entry is from a 2004 article in The Washington Post, which was picked up from the wire service by the Register-Guard in Eugene, Ore.

The article, as it appeared in the Register-Guard newspaper. I especially like the added touch of having a tank behind Dick Cheney. Was that for effect or just part of his security detail?

The article, as it appeared in the Register-Guard newspaper. I especially like the added touch of having a tank behind Dick Cheney. Was that for effect or just part of his security detail?

I mention this because, to this day, it remains unclear whether the final remark at the end of this lengthy article was part of the original piece written by Dana Milbank, or added later by a copy editor at the Post or Register-Guard. Either way, I draw your attention to the very last word in this piece because I think it effectively articulates how most of us were feeling at the time…

My guess is that whoever added this didn't keep their job long after that. Or was possibly promoted to senior editor.

My guess is that whoever added this didn’t keep their job long after that. Or was possibly promoted to senior editor.

To clarify, this entry would fall under the “Brilliance” category of The Door, although I’m sure there was plenty of “Blame” going on as well.

Whoever you are, Cheers.

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29 thoughts on “After today, Dick Cheney will probably blow up… The Door

  1. Random thoughts on this, Ned.

    I’ve seen on some US news programmes there is a ‘George Bush Centre for Intelligence’ … I’m guessing that’s George Bush SENIOR, right? Perhaps me and my old man should stop laughing at it then?

    Where does the Suislaw News get its interesting name from? It sounds romantically Native American.

    And thirdly, I am now using the word ‘commode’ instead of bog, netty, lav, loo, s**thouse, throne etc. It is just much more ‘refained’ … so thank you for your contribution.

    • George Bush Center For Intelligence?! Yeah, it HAS to be named after GB senior. I’d keep laughing anyway, though, just in case.

      By the way, you nailed it on the root of the name Siuslaw, which is the river that runs alongside our small town, and the name of a tribe of Indians that once inhabited the area. Now they have returned to their natural heritage as casino owners…

      “Netty,” huh? I’m partial to that name for commode for some reason 😉 Glad I could introduce that word to your bathroom vernacular!

      • Thanks for the advice, re: George Bush … ha ha ha.

        The Indians – good on them, I say … I hope they’ve rigged the tables for the ‘white eyes’, kemo sabe.

        Netty is Geordie slang for the ‘commode’ – Geordie is every other Brits slang for ‘people from Northumberland’ which is a bit north of Yorkshire, UK ( whose people are known as Tykes … it’s complicated … don’t ask).

        • The community and local tribes actually have a pretty good relationship, so I jest about the casino heritage. Besides, I like the buffet too much.

          And yes, I’ll just stick with Netty and leave it at that 😉

  2. This is my favorite part of this dispatch-
    Lol! If I ever make it into broadcast journalism, I’m going to use it as my signature sign-off, like Edward R. Murrow…“Good night, good luck and F-this…”
    Still laughing.

  3. I think that having a tank at a press conference was meant to discourage the members of the media from addressing any really uncomfortable questions to Mr. Cheney. Hence “f this” from the media.

No one is watching, I swear...

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