Do NOT adjust your screen! There is nothing wrong with your computer! Unless, like mine, you’ve actually seen it in a 1980s movie, where it represented the era’s most advanced computer technology as part of a high-tech military defense system that becomes self aware. But assuming you’re looking at a screen smaller than an industrial sized microwave oven, then yes — you really are seeing an image of The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) in our newsroom.
As I mentioned when I closed The Door a few weeks ago, it would be re-opened as the situation warranted. And today, my friends, we have a SITUATION.
For those of you just joining us, or those unfamiliar with The Door for personal reasons, I should explain that it is the most important door in our two-door newsroom. Not just because it leads to the commode, but also because it displays the best and worst examples of print journalism clipped and taped there by reporters at Siuslaw News since the 1970s. We like to think of The Door as the Smithsonian of journalistic history, except with the occasional sound of flushing. As iconic anchorman Dan Rather recently said, “It is unquestionably our most important relic representing modern journalistic history — or my name isn’t, uh… Barbara Walters?”
So, in keeping with tradition, let us join hands once again and, in a monotoned voice similar to me describing my last proctology exam, repeat the following:
The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.
Now… on too The Door!
As I said, a full-scale SITUATION has developed, warranting the induction of a new piece of journalistic history. What makes this entry special is that it comes from our own newspaper, demonstrating that even we at Siuslaw News are not infallible, as anyone who has used our newsroom commode can tell you. But in this instance, we’re talking about an annual special section we produce called Women in Business…
The idea behind this special section is to highlight local Women in Business by providing short bios and a photos of them, which they provide and purchase space for in advance. The newsroom actually has nothing to do with this project, which is assembled by a different department, somewhere in Zimbabwe I believe, along with the cover. Which could explain why no one noticed this when the section is folded…
I’m guessing a man was behind the brainstorming session for this cover design.
And with that, we bid adieu to The Door until a SITUATION warrants opening it once again. Hopefully well after Joe has done his business.
50 thoughts on “Excuse me, but I really need to get… The Door”
Ah…men. Gotta love ’em. 😉
And I am grateful for that. 😉
The truth will set you free. It is what it is.
Yes, more than a little ironic I think!
Men rule. But don’t tell them others…
You’re secret is safe with me! Even if women are reading this, I’m pretty sure it will still be a big secret to them.
Curses! Foiled by the fold!
We’re still working on that whole horizontal spacial presentation thing.
Yet another case against outsourcing.
Yes, I agree. We are perfectly capable of making these kinds of blunders right here.
Now I feel kinda bad for blaming y’all yesterday. I’m glad you explained it.
No harm done, Melanie.
The tears have dried… 😉
I’ll send you some autographed kleenex for the next time I throw an assumptive insult your way. That way you can smear my name without any actual harm done to me.
Lol! Please don’t use Magic Marker. The fumes cause me to write posts I later regret…
If I were a lessor person I would be thrilled at the knowledge of your kryptonite.
Lol! Because I know you aren’t a lesser person, I could make you a list. You may need more than one marker, though 😉
Well now, don’t be too generous. In these hard economic times a list like that could pay my rent for a year with a bidding war between Geraldo Rivera and Barbra Walters.
I’d settle for them battling it out in inflatable Sumo wrestler suits.
…there is always a woman behind the man….damn straight.
I prefer to switch off.
I mean that in a supportive way, not… well, you know… *buries toe in sand*
let me gain my composure. i’ll be right back….
Lol! Let me savor this moment because it is rare!
you know, if you had boobs i would fondle them. supportively speakin …. I cant do this…I just cant. Its all wrong…It started out right…get thee behind me satan. damn door.
If I had boobs, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I might not even be at work…
wait…if you had boobs that would make me…this has truly gone wayward!
I like MEN.
Not to say I dont like women…I like men and men parts. oh holy….*buries head in sand* ….my head not yours. womanly speaking….
I’m starting to question my… uh…
I’m not exactly sure.
whatever you do….with the exceptions of using the commode…stay of this side of the door. unless your still questioning.
I think it was the boobs talking. I’m good now.
most men are.
Unlike most men my age, I don’t actually have boobs…
I am sure there is a ribbon for that….
It’s my day off…
Haha….best reply ever!! 🙂
I am pretty sure ( correction ) sure ( I have never been pretty ) that I know the guy’s name too. I was Ed(ward) I. Tor The absolute nerve of the guy….
I honestly don’t know how he can live with himself. And given his egregious mistake, I can say with some certainty he is living by himself…
You can’t keep a good door closed, which is a good thing.
Also, I thought Dan Rather’s name was Kenneth.
It depends on which day you ask him. For example, tomorrow I’m pretty sure he goes by Geraldo.
Those ladies must have real balls to be on the cover of the article! (I couldn’t help myself)
I can neither confirm nor deny their authenticity. Nor do I plan to…
I’m trying to think of something clever to do with the fact that men are only half of what a woman is but I’m tired so I’ll just leave you with that.
I suppose that’s why we always refer to the women in our lives as our “better half.” 😉
This is great! A Freudian fold, perhaps?
I’m afraid it might be Freudian as well. Either that, or an expensive ad for single women in search of men. I can’t decide which.
Yes, whoever said ads needed to be subtle? 🙂
probably a brilliant under the radar move by your huge marketing department, as it does tend to draw the reader in to see what in the hell is going on.
Yes, that’s us: under the radar.
I love an interesting SITUATION.
I’m just hoping I don’t get sued by “The SITUATION” now that he’s no longer on Jersey Shore…