…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…
[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our newsroom…]
There’s a reason the term “deadline” starts with “dead,” and not something like “fun,” “happy” or “coke.” Deadline days are stressful. Which is why some conversations with my editor end up like this…
Editor: “Why is it again you can’t make tomorrow’s meeting?”
Me: “My daughter is having a permanent retainer put in.”
Editor: “I didn’t know they did that.”
Me: “Yeah, it never comes out. Keeps things symmetrical.”
Editor: “I need a body retainer.”
Me: “I think you mean a retaining wall.”
Editor: “I hate you.”
Me: “No you don’t.”
Editor: “True — but I really want to…”
(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available here from Port Hole Publications for Christmas)
Ned's Blog 
There you go being all funny and shit again, Ned
It runs in the family.
Oh, and so does being funny…
well… so…umm…and…er….
Your lips are orange.
…. ehhhh what?…..
heh heh heh
Ned, Do you know what the difference is between and Editor and a Matador ? One works in a dusty arena and the other one has a cape.
And, coincidentally, both re surrounded by tons of bull.
Enquiring minds want to know. Did that conversation really happen?
yeah…how much of that was internal ranting? And do they really sell personal retaining walls? Sounds useful for a variety of applications.
Probably starts with a restraining order.
ok, but don’t strain yourself.
Is that an order? 😉
And I’d like that with a side of french fries, please.
Here at Panda Express, we just have bamboo sticks. Will that work?
Do I look like a panda in need of express and a $8.99 entree?!
For $9.99 we can get you our fake oriental cuisine even faster.
Well, just bring me some authentic Chinese orange chicken that’s been raised on a Missouri poultry farm and flavored in an LA food science lab.
That would be our Yu Weel Get Sik special. It comes with an extra sack for leftovers, or … whatever….
Hey! I’ve seen those extra bags on the back of airplane seats!
See? They’re not just for Panda Express anymore.
That’s what I call multipurpose.
It actually did happen just like that — Pinky promise 😉
There is just something so not right about a man with his pinky up …
Haha! It takes a real man to use his pinky! At least, that’s what my gay friend always told me…
Hmmm, let’s not go there, eh?
Thank you for letting me weasel my way out of this 😉
Can I get a (insert not totally appropriate slang term here) retainer, to keep these things up where they should be??
It’s okay to say “hands” here…
You know me, I say pretty much anything on my blog, but try to be respectful on other’s. 🙂
Just one of the many reasons I’m a follower 😉
Because of your class and respectfulness, I mean. Not the big boobs…
Well crap Ned, that’s my word!! hahaha