As a public service message, and due to a court order based on injuries sustained by a postal worker who was reading my book when he drove into the ocean after deviating from his route in Omaha, I have been asked to let you know the first copies of Humor at the Speed of Life are now arriving for unsuspecting readers who ordered their copy while intoxicated by rum-saturated fruitcake.
This means that, in addition to the possibility of a class-action lawsuit, it’s time for me to begin Phase Two of my genius promotional plan:
Gathering anonymous surveillance photos of book recipients.
This will be accomplished through a network of what I’ve been told is “The best group of undercover photographers money can buy, without exceeding a budget of $45 and various Taco Bell coupons.” Because the scope of Phase Two is growing fast, new members for this elite surveillance team are needed.
And for many of you, that’s probably enough enticement.
Simply email your photo to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. All photos will remain anonymous unless otherwise specified, such the person’s name embroidered on their Member’s Only jacket, tattooed on their forehead, or below the number in their mug shot.
For an added incentive — as if being a member of this elite team wasn’t enough (Okay, probably not) — you will also receive one of these bookmarks:
Designed to combine style with functionality, these one-of-a-kind multipurpose bookmarks can:
1) Save your place in a book!
2) Swat flies!
3) Draw a straight line for as long as 6 inches (No, really)!
4) And the best part: No Batteries required!
As a member of the HATSOL Undercover Surveillance Team, you can become a part of history without the added risk of anyone knowing!
In fact, only you and your bookmark will know for sure…
And for those who don’t care WHO knows?! Get your own copy of Humor at the Speed of Life by clicking one of the links below:
Signed copy from my publisher at Port Hole Publications
From Amazon Books
From Barnes & Noble