As a public service message, and due to a court order based on injuries sustained by a postal worker who was reading my book when he drove into the ocean after deviating from his route in Omaha, I have been asked to let you know the first copies of Humor at the Speed of Life are now arriving for unsuspecting readers who ordered their copy while intoxicated by rum-saturated fruitcake.
This means that, in addition to the possibility of a class-action lawsuit, it’s time for me to begin Phase Two of my genius promotional plan:
Gathering anonymous surveillance photos of book recipients.
This will be accomplished through a network of what I’ve been told is “The best group of undercover photographers money can buy, without exceeding a budget of $45 and various Taco Bell coupons.” Because the scope of Phase Two is growing fast, new members for this elite surveillance team are needed.
And for many of you, that’s probably enough enticement.
Simply email your photo to me at email@example.com. All photos will remain anonymous unless otherwise specified, such the person’s name embroidered on their Member’s Only jacket, tattooed on their forehead, or below the number in their mug shot.
For an added incentive — as if being a member of this elite team wasn’t enough (Okay, probably not) — you will also receive one of these bookmarks:
Designed to combine style with functionality, these one-of-a-kind multipurpose bookmarks can:
1) Save your place in a book!
2) Swat flies!
3) Draw a straight line for as long as 6 inches (No, really)!
4) And the best part: No Batteries required!
As a member of the HATSOL Undercover Surveillance Team, you can become a part of history without the added risk of anyone knowing!
In fact, only you and your bookmark will know for sure…
And for those who don’t care WHO knows?! Get your own copy of Humor at the Speed of Life by clicking one of the links below:
Signed copy from my publisher at Port Hole Publications
From Amazon Books
From Barnes & Noble
52 thoughts on “Phase two of my book promo plan: Anonymous surveillance photos of recipients”
I’d love to come and stack wood, but I’m still on my couch getting over this stupid Pneumonia!! I’m looking forward to seeing your courier trudge through the over 200 cm of snow we’ve had over the last month. I hope the mule has snowshoes!!
It’s on its way, I SWEAR!
Spring I mean…
(Oh, and the book, too 😉 )
Get better, dang it!
I need to realize going to work, even for a few hours, is NOT helping!!
I knew that. And I’m not even sick!
Lol – where is that winning lottery ticket??
Probably under my pile of wood… 😦
Very nicely done sir you had me going. Love the bookmark features. HAHA
Thanks, Tom — I wasn’t sure where I was going with it until I started writing; all I knew for sure was that I had to do SOMETHING with that photo!
It was beautifully done man. I have just put the laptop in drive before to see where it goes and sometimes it goes to a usable place and sometimes i just hold the backspace key to watch all my unusable words disappear. Glad this worked out man
Very good idea! The bookmark bribe is especially genius. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to find someone reading the eBook version in front of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. It might be summer by then, but I’m pretty sure I’ll find someone. 😉
Haha! I’ll keep a bookmark ready for you 😉
great idea and for some reason that couch and reader look a bit familiar…….
SHHHHHHHHH! He asked not to by identified. Or photographed. Or interrupted.
it was his handsome aura that i recognized. along with the pattern on the couch. i was born to be a detective. or bulldozer operator.
Why not both? You could specialize in finding rare china with your bulldozer…
Awesome…I mean, amazing idea. I haven`t heard anyone trying this one yet. Should get you some good promotion photos. 😀
Some of which I might even be able to post! 😉
Of course. 🙂
that dude is hot.
That’s exactly what I thought.
And that’s pretty much it…
I’ll wait for the e-book, if you don’t mind. Saves the trees, so that there’ll be more wood for you to stack.
That’s very thoughtful. As a show of appreciation, I’m sending you a log.
Can I also get it as an e-book?
Yes, but only as a sappy romance.
Lol, she said more wood!
*unrestrained pre-pubescent chuckling accompanied by flashbacks to 7th grade sex ed class* 😉
The book looks great, Ned! I look forward to reading 4% of it before losing interest in it like I do nearly every book i’ve ever started!
In that case Don, I’d just buy the Cliff Notes version.
Sold!!! AND I can help you stack wood, too. I’m cool that way 🙂
Seriously though. Been meaning to get my own copy and keep get distracted by shiny objects and fruitcake. I’m back in the office next week…I’ll make it happen then.
Terrific! I’ll get the wood tote/wheelbarrow ready 🙂
By the way, today’s NWOW was inspired by your questions about writing in the first-person. It’ll be posted later this morning. Thanks for the idea. I’ve actually received topic suggestions from a few other bloggers in the last week or so. You may have started something through osmosis…?
In the meantime, stay away from the shiny object and fruitcake. And especially shiny fruitcake 😉
Oh good!! I am looking forward to the post!
I’m staying away from the fruitcake, but am skiing in Colorado…lots of other wonderful distractions that will happily keep me in right brain mode.
Happy Friday, Ned!
Thanks, Michelle — enjoy being a distracted snow bunny! Just look out for those trees 😉
What trees?! Wait. Craaaaaap! That’s gonna leave a mark 🙂
Haha! From one of my favorite funny movies of all time 🙂 Still… Be CAREFUL!
That bookmark doesn’t look like six inches to me. Oh wait: it’s a guy bookmark; it’s “six inches.” #linecrossedagain #gross
I actually prefer the Canadian men’s measurement of 40 millimeters. Or sextillions. Or whatever…
I’m sending you a DM to offer my services with promo. I know you have this long term plan and it’s only phase 2, (I can’t wait to see the next phases), but if you want to fit in an interview or two … 😉
That sounds really great, Eden — I’ll look for your DM 😉
WARNING: If you’re straight line lasts for more than 4 hours, please consult your doctor…or nearest AutoCAD designer.
Hahahahaha! I won’t even try to top that!
Mostly because I’m married and hetero…
Is that Tom? You can expect my photo in 3-5 business days when I receive my copy : )
Ha! Yes it is. He asked to remain anonymous.
I told him, “Good luck with that.”
Looking forward to your HATSOL surveillance membership 😉
Hahaha oopsy – sorry Tom! Not at all : ). Hooray I’m in a new club!
Molly, Please there is no need to be sorry. Hiding myself from the ladies who love me, is damn near impossible.I am pleased to know that you so quickly figured this out. I have to admit it gave me a bit of a thrill.
Ned and I were not able to do this even with our combined efforts. There probably aren’t two other guys in all of word press as smooth with the ladies as Ned or I. So I tip my hat to you Detective Molly for your skill and now you are counted among Beth and Lisa who also cracked this caper. Ned and I will review our efforts to ensure our identities are more carefully managed.in the future. we will take all of the blame. you are awesome lady
Ha… I clicked on something on Elroy Jones and ended up here… and I am okay with that!
Hey, me too, Arthur!
Dude… you crack me up.
Do I have to chop the wood too? Find the trees?
Only if you want extra bookmarks.