Some Oscars have already been awarded — not that anyone cares

(As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I was recently convicted of asked to be an accessory to a staff contributor at Long Awkward Pause. Here’s this week’s incriminating evidence post…)

HOLLYWOOD (sort of) — As excitement over the much-anticipated glitz and glamour of this Sunday’s Academy Awards builds throughout Hollywood, Oscar winners for Technical Achievement were the first to bask in the spotlight during an equally prestigious awards ceremony held last night at a lavishly decorated Blockbuster Video warehouse in Culver City. The evening began with nominees arriving in style aboard rented school bus shuttles adorned with banners reading “On To State The Oscars!” Like a major Hollywood premier, beams of light criss-crossed the night sky as unemployed SAG members waved flashlights to keep shuttles out of the KFC parking lot across the street.

“These members of the Academy deserve to be recognized for their achievements,” Academy president Cheryl Boone Isaacs said during a phone interview. “And just because we don’t know what they do exactly, or who they are, doesn’t mean their night should be any less special. Or held during the actual Oscars ceremony.”

Upon arrival, nominees stepped from their shuttles and onto the red carpet, where camera flashes erupted amid a frenzy of selfies. One overzealous autograph seeker had to be led away as he frantically waved a piece of paper, screaming, “Whose paying for these busses!” (Continue Reading…)