Six reasons this morning needs a Long Awkward Pause

It’s Saturday morning, and that means I’m over at Long Awkward Pause chiming in with the rest of the staff for this week’s Saturday Six, which is a collection of six observations we probably should’ve kept to ourselves. This week’s topic? That “Sexy Mug Shot Guy” who made millions of women wish there was a…

Katie: This is the first time I’ve thought sexy mugshot guy was actually sexy, and that’s only because he’s next to Ben Stiller.

BrainRants: I’m too hetero to comment on the sexiness of either guy, real or imagined, but if I had to, I’d pick Stiller because he’d get his junk zipped up and I’d be off the hook.

Ned: This is actually a “Before/After” photo: Before he knew he was sharing a cell; after meeting his cellmate, “Three-legged Jack.”

(Okay, I’m no mathematician, but I believe that leaves, uh… *removes one Dos Eques bottle from six-pack*… five more over at LAP)

Published by

Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

27 thoughts on “Six reasons this morning needs a Long Awkward Pause”

  1. LOL, shall I explain the nature of women and what we find attractive? It’s simple really, we are completely insane. Just accept that fact and everything will start to make sense.

    I think it’s an evolutionary quirk. We see “convicted felon” and think, “awesome, I bet he can catch a lot of mammoths!” The same quirk must be in play with the convicted serial killers, “Just look at him, I bet he can slay saber tooth tigers! I think I’ll write him a love letter!”

    So why are we attracted to mammoth hunters and the slayers of saber tooth tigers? Because…shoes. Beautiful, beautiful, shoes and the animals that provide the leather to make them. It’s all about the shoes.

    There, I hope I have clarified the nature of women and the world around us for you πŸ™‚

  2. Stiller wins for me, because funny is hotter than dude-who-plays-with-guns and would want me to work 8 jobs to send him commissary money. And because guys with cheekbones way more chiseled than mine just make me jealous. And because if you really, really look at those admittedly intense baby blues long enough, tell me they don’t remind you just a bit of a GOT White Walker? But mostly because I never got the bad-boy thing outside of thinking some dudes who play them on TV are kinda hot : ).

    1. Who are these women?
      Every other woman aside from you and maybe a dozen others. Thank God that includes my wife. Because the last time I was called a “bad boy” was when I let a salamander loose in my mom’s purse.

  3. These days, it seems guys who permanently look as if they should just go shave or else put their minds to really growing a beard and mustache are sexy to a certain class of women. I recognized “the bad boy” syndrome,but grew out of it quickly once I found out they had IQ’s equal to the temperature of Arctic nights and a vocabulary equal to two-year olds. Sexy? I don’t think so.

  4. He’s not sexy to me either. Anyway, guys with bone structure like that dude usually end up being gay… The “too pretty” ones always are. In this case, that probably explains his repeat offended status. LOL

        1. I was thinking about upping the romance factor buy having the pony running from one booty cheek to the other, you know, like “Ain’t no mountain high enough, ain’t no valley low…”

  5. I didn’t get it when this story came out, and I still don’t. I think this guy is downright…dare I say it…ugly. He looks hateful, demented, meaner than a snake, and his features are all out of proportion. GAH. But then, I have never gotten Thug Chic. I’d take Stiller in a nano-second, because, a) Funny IS Sexy, and b) when he’s not mugging (haha), Stiller is actually kinda cute. I like a bad boy only to the degree that he might be angsty and confused. NOT mean and deadly. Sorry. No offense intended to anyone, but this guy makes me faintly ill. Okay, he makes me downright sick. Blecch. Show me a picture of proud daddy Chris Hemsworth, a great big man, toting his adorable, tiny baby girl around, and my heart will melt. Show me this guy, I’m locking my doors and loading my gun. Not necessarily in that order.

  6. Woah, hold up, haters!

    Jeremy’s current felony charges were weapons possessions and gang membership. Those are requirements, as far as I’m concerned.
    But I’m twisted like that.

    And bearded non-felons are also sexy. πŸ™‚

    1. Remember: Just because someone doesn’t get caught doesn’t mean they haven’t convicted a felony. I’m not mentioning any names, but I have a “friend” who took off his mattress tags once… but perhaps I’ve said too much.

No one is watching, I swear...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s