As a journalist, I’m trained to recognize even the most subtle signs of trouble:
A reluctant glance.
A misspoken word.
A filtration mask in my McDonald’s food sack.
Aside from the mask being rendered useless by grease after being wedged between my Sausage McMuffin and hash brown, it also made me wonder if the American public isn’t being told the truth about the potential threat of Ebola spreading outside of Texas. Possibly even into parts of Canada. But not Mexico, where the drinking water has made residents immune to everything but tequila worms. Because of this, I have boarded a plane for Dallas to provide a special report tomorrow at Long Awkward Pause — which provided me with this Ebola detection system:
If I come up missing before tomorrow’s report, start with the monkey…