… This Just In …

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…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our newsroom…]

As I’m sure you can imagine, being a newspaper columnist I am literally inundated each day with hundreds of emails. I then go through these messages one by one and, after deleting all the male enhancement offers, take time to respond to the occasional email sent by an actual reader. Oftentimes these emails are in response to a specific column that resonated with them, made them laugh or gave them a different persepctive. Some will even include the column in their email, along with a personal note, such as:

“Why can’t YOU write stuff like this, you HACK!”

However, this afternoon I received a response from a reader who actually read last week’s column, which dealt with one researcher’s comparison between women shoppers and hungry cheetahs…

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After careful consideration, I responded as follows…

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So far, I haven’t heard back from Mr. Wiegen or any members of the AACA. The again, I may not hear them coming at all…

(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.)

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26 thoughts on “… This Just In …

  1. Oh my goodness…. You know my love of wordplay, right? Well when I got to Cheetos…I completely lost it. Cracking up. And now I am banned from an exclusive shoe store. I suppose I will have to send Bigfoot in to buy them for me but he doesn’t wear my size. You’re gonna hear from me again on this…

  2. Dear Sir,
    In reference to your recent craven pandering to the despicable A.A.C.A, I must stongly protest. As Cheif Co-ordinator of Vitriol of the A.A.A.Ch.O.O. (the Anti Anti Anti Cheetah Operations Organization), I have been empowered to respond to your depravity in any manner necessary, however sneaky. Expect anything, and expect nothing.

    I. M. Labrador, R.O.W.F., Ret.

  3. I had no idea wildebeest advocacy was a thing. Although, one could ask, are they advocates for wildebeests, or wildebeests who happen to be advocates? The phrasing is somewhat unclear.

  4. I think cheetahs can rest easy knowing you care so much. And I agree–a house cat is certainly able to take down a large dog and if it suddenly finds itself in Africa among wildebeest, would not hesitate to scratch, bite and totally frighten the thing to death. Well done. Your 2nd biggest fan in Florida, Lucy

  5. Well, the cheetahs were “competing for the hindquarters of a wounded wildebeest.” Was the wildebeest wounded and so selected as prey? Or was the wildebeest wounded because it was prey? If it’s the first (wink, wink), then cheetah enthusiasts everywhere can rest assured of the accuracy of your portrayal.

  6. I’m glad you cleared up the fact that you have no cheetah malice. I didn’t even know that was a thing. As to the other issue, I don’t even possess a wee wee and I get at least half a dozen Viagra ads daily, as well as Rolex. Apparently someone thinks I’m a Low T gangsta.

No one is watching, I swear...

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