I’ve seen a lot of strange things on Facebook;
Cats doing chin-ups.
A naked guy playing flaming bagpipes while riding a unicycle.
Kanye West.
But a few days ago, as I was scrolling through my Facebook notifications, I was tagged in a post with 35 others who had been listed as “The Neighborhood’s Sexiest Men.” I stared at it for a moment then, naturally, decided to restart my iPad.
Something was clearly wrong, like that time Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” started playing on my laptop and wouldn’t stop until the battery ran out.
I wasn’t about to re-live that nightmare again.
That’s when my wife came in and pointed to the same link, which she shared to her Facebook page with the comment, “Yep. That’s my HUSBAND!”
The truth is, I’ve never thought of myself as sexy. I was the skinny nerd in school. Had braces. Was physically capable but not particularly athletic. Didn’t go on my first date until I was almost 20. Was embarrassed about having an enormous [censored]…
Haha! Just kidding! I actually went on my first date when I was 18. *cough cough*
Anyway, it got me thinking about the qualities that others might find sexy about me. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized whatever those qualities are, they come as a direct result of the love I share with my wife. That’s because, in my mind, what makes a person “sexy” isn’t as much about looking good as it is about being good at who you are. And without question, my wife’s love, support and encouragement to be myself — as a humorist, husband, father, firefighter — have given me the freedom and inspiration to pursue the things that define me and, ultimately, my best self.
Though an attractive person catches the eye, confidence and realness is the kind of “sexy” that catches the heart and the imagination.
For example, imagining me naked is better than seeing it in real life.
Whatever the reasons for being included on this list, I’m very flattered. But even more so, I’m thankful for the kind of love that makes me “sexy” in the first place.
That being said, here’s an example of the kind of sexiness my wife has come to expect from me…
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Ned's Blog 
OMG!!! That couldn’t have been better! What a lucky, lucky woman!
I’m the one who drew the lucky hand. Plus, I waited until after we were married before she saw me in a thong.
Ha ha ha… yeah, that’s rule #3 on my dating criteria now: no thongs until after marriage!
A man who truly loves his wife immediately becomes the sexiest man alive to every other woman. You must have women throwing themselves at you all the time. Be strong, Ned.
Even if they were, I’m too in love too notice 😉
I second that. 🙂
A new hope.
“New” being a relative term.
Ahh, congratulations! What a charming tribute to your wife, too. Sexy you are, and I think you are right, it has a lot to do with confidence, and a sense of humor, don’t forget the sense of humor!
We’re always trying to be sexy before we fall in love. Our culture does it all backwards. Fall in love, get married, and then get sexy. Get so sexy, those single college kids are jealous. 🙂
I think you’re right about doing it backwards. Wait, I don’t man actually “doing it” backwards. I’m pretty sure that’s a physical impossibility. Unless it was two contortionists… sorry, I honestly can’t remember where I was going with this…
But thanks 😉
Bwahahaha! I laughed out loud at the video. Ha! Too funny Ned.
If “imagining me naked is better than seeing it in real life.” is true,then shouldn’t it follow that imagining you with a thong would be better than seeing you with a thong? Do you intend to follow that in the future? And why did you go so badly astray last year? ha!
It’s hard to imagine, Paul… 😉
That whole sexy thing can be explained in one word my friend: MOLECULES! Bwahaha!
Surely i’ve mentioned this before – ha!:
I remember this well! Hahahaha!
Hehehehehehe… not really sure what to say besides: Can’t stop giggling…
That’s ok. When it comes to being sexy, I’m used to hearing giggles 😉
It happened when they saw Robert Downey Jr in something and thought it was you. And then said, holy crap that’s that funny fireman blog dude. But it wasn’t. It was Robert Downey Jr. Then wheels started turning. Voilà.
Lol! I think you might be on to something. Or on something. Or whatever… 😉
Hey now…
Lol! I meant bacon.
I didn’t know what I was saying. I was under the influence of a man vacuuming
Hahaha! Say no more 😉
Definitely a very Sexy sound.
It’s like the Barry White of household chore sounds.
Love this and YOU💁🏻 Good Luck Ned👌🏼
Thanks, Lisa!
It’s got to be the red thong.
Then there truly is no hope left…
I love it—this is a smile that will probably last a week …:)
Thanks, Robert. I’ve had mine for almost 10 years now 😉
LOL
Oysters, Ned! Eat oysters! You’ve got to keep up your strength! 😉
I’ve had an oyster five times. Same oyster. It took five swallows to get it down.
Do you know what else makes you sexy? Humility. You have it in piles, Ned.
Any man who can take an instance where it would be perfectly acceptable to enjoy the individual accolades and make it about another special person is a sexy man in my book.
So hot 😉
Thanks, Michelle. I’ve been practicing humility since the days of Sarah Getlost 😉
I bet you were humble in the womb 😉
I think our definition of sexy changes as we get older. Although my husband was and always will be sexy to me (something about his silky hair and his enormous, uh, shoes). I agree with the others’ assessment that it has very much to do with a man valuing his woman and making everyone else know it. Very sexy indeed.
I like to think so, Tara. About valuing the women in our lives, not the enormous shoes… 😉
Sorry, I’m not sure if you’re sexy or not. I would ask my wife, but I’m worried about that shocking video you put up on your page. If she sees the last ten seconds or so, I’ll be done for. 😦
I completely understand. Better safe than sorry.
Thanks for your understanding, Ned. 🙂
i totally would have voted for you, ned. if i could only get my man to vacuum like that . . .
wow – i think i need a shower now.
Hahahaha! I’m thinking of starting my own line of housework porn. Just wait until you see me do the dishes…
Pauly Shore has nothing on you, buddy.
Not anymore.
“Though an attractive person catches the eye, confidence and realness is the kind of “sexy” that catches the heart and the imagination.” <- Oh so very true! I was just having this very conversation. Well, not exactly just. It was like a month ago, but still. We were talking about how there's GQ cover sexy and Volunteer-of-the-Year sexy, and how one fades (GQ) and the other gets better and better (VotY). When someone is a good person, their attractiveness increases in spades.
It happens sometimes: I actually say stuff that could be interpreted as insightful 😉
You’re more than just the guru of fruitcake, the master of thong sand sledding. You say a lot of insightful things.
Lol! I almost didn’t make it past “thong sand sledding.”
And thanks, Melanie 😉
Great post! The video at the end got me.
Thanks, Chris! I saved the best for last. Well, sort of; I actually vacuumed the livingroom after that…
Brilliant! Lmao! One of the best sounds ever! Lol!
Vacuuming the bedroom is like foreplay. Just wait until I get to the livingroom! 😉
Hmmmmm
Mr Ned makes me paint pictures of how I would really love to treat my lady..
#LikeABoss 😉
That’s probably one of the best compliments I’ve ever had, Charles 😉
More than just a complement.. it’s the truth Brad 😉
Hilarious video! Sexy is in the eyes of the beholder. So you’re a lucky man. 🙂
Yes I am, every day 😉
Feel free to vacuum my house anytime.
Why do I have the feeling this has nothing to do with being sexy…?
I can’t imagine why you suspect that..;-)