Even major news outlets are asking for… The Door

The Door in our newsroom. No, really...

The Door in our newsroom. No, really…

Even after turning down an angry Barbara Walters (“DWOP DEAD!”) and a still-sleeping Brit Hume (“Phhhhhhhh-zzzzzzzz”), major news networks like ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX and The 700 Club are continuing to call me about The Door, hoping to get an exclusive on what Brian Williams called “The most important contribution to journalism since that new girl on ‘Wipe-Out.'” Just this morning, John Quinones called my cell phone, demanding access to our newsroom with a camera crew, saying, “What would YOU do — if I kicked your skinny white CULO!”

For those of you wondering what all the fuss is about, I should explain that The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) is located in our newsroom and is home to a collection of the best and worst examples of newspaper journalism, clipped and pasted to it by reporters here at Siuslaw News since the 1970s — back when truth was defined in black and white, yet the line between nose hair and mustaches was a little grey. For more than 40 years, The Door has served as a sentinel, preserving journalistic history while, simultaneously, preserving breathable air serving as the door to our commode.

As we do each Tuesday, we will now highlight a clipping, but not before keeping a tradition established decades ago by reporters in this very office.

And you’ll just have to trust me on that.

Join hands with me and, speaking in a monotoned voice similar to Hillary Clinton during a renewal of vows ceremony, repeat the following:

The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.

Let us get to it…

This week’s entry comes from 1993, when The Oregonian published this informative journalistic piece of investigative journalism information…

Not to put to fine a point on it...

Not to put too fine a point on it…

It isn’t clear whether the headline came with the original Associated Press article or was the masterstroke of a headline editor at the newspaper where, apparently, they aren’t paid by the hour, but by how many times they use the word “report.” However, the most important thing is that it took members of the Texas Congress 668 pages and 18 months to determine, “We really need more reports.”

That’s what the reporter reportedly reported, anyway…

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10 thoughts on “Even major news outlets are asking for… The Door

  1. Today I will shout it from the mountain top or 100 feet of elevation, the most we can find here in Illinois.

    THE DOOR IS A FREAKING BEACON, PEOPLE, SO DEAL WITH IT AND BE DRAWN INTO THE JAGGED ROCKS OF MONKEYS FLYING OUT OF MY BUTT.. AND JOURNALISM

    What they failed to mention is that there was only one letter on each page.

  2. What would the government do if they ever ran out of reports to read? Would they order more reports or actually do something about the reports? The world may never know…

    Also, 668 pages in 18 months? It would take them at least a decade to get through Game of Thrones. Tisk Tisk!

No one is watching, I swear...

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