It’s no wonder The Door has become a journalistic Mecca, capturing the attention of well-known reporters like Barbara Walters (“The Door offers a pureness to journalism I haven’t seen since Anderson Cooper’s booty”), Morley Safer (“Do people still use ditto machines?”), Keith Morrison (“No one knows what seeeeecrets hide behind The Dooooor, especially if someone has flushhhhed”), Geraldo Rivera (“My sources have confirmed Al Capone once used The Door.”), and Anderson Cooper (“Unless it’s a closet door, I’m not interested — and can someone please tell Barbara Walters to stop looking at my butt?”)
Starting today, however, The Door will be on stand-by, maintaining its dual role as sentinel of journalistic history and guardian of commode users. It will patiently await its next entry, whether it be newspaper clipping or IBS sufferer. In the first case, you will be informed immediately of any new developments; in the second case, it’s highly doubtful.
Jim Beam low-fat creamer into my coffee. This new feature, which I initially called “The @#$% Box That Nearly Broke My @#$%& Ankle!” has been shortened to The Box, which contains unidentified photos from the 70s, 80s and 90s that are unclaimed — probably for good reason. What I find in The Box each week will be as much a surprise to me as it is to you…
Since none of these photos contain any information whatsoever, I will utilize my years of journalistic investigation experience to provide the context and circumstances captured within these historic images. This will be accomplished by interviewing members of the community, using our 1980s computer technology to its fullest, digging through our vast newspaper archive and, if necessary, just guessing.
Here is an example of an image I randomly chose this morning…
Results from my investigation: Tipped off by the design of the Trivial Pursuit game on the table, I determined this photo was taken in the late 1990s. This led me to our archives, where I found the story of a local woman (center) who went berserk one afternoon while playing Trivial Pursuit with friends, reportedly yelling “You guys said you’d help me solve my damned RUBIK’S CUBE! Instead, you’re drinking all my Dr. Pepper!” According to the article, there were no serious injuries, except for someone walking into a hanging plant, and a lot of hurt feelings.
As we say here at Siuslaw News:
Whoa! Someone close The Door and open a window!
Or, in this case, The Box.
Ned's Blog 
Wow. That “party” certainly looks like a thrill ride a minute.
Lol! Doesn’t it, though? The Dr.Pepper is keeping the fun rolling!!
It’s like it’s a photo that would be used in an ad campaign by Dr. Pepper’s biggest competitor.
LOL! Brilliant!
Haha….this photo looks like it could have been the inception of the movie The Stepford Wives….lol.
I think there’s more in that Dr.Pepper can than soda…
I can’t wait to see what gem of a photo you pull out next time!!
Thanks, Susan 🙂 It was hard to let The Door go, but I had explored everything on it. And I really did find The Box by accident this morning! So I guess it was meant to be!
Thanks for the positive feedback 😉
Tripping over the box is way better than kicking the bucket!! I’m very happy it was the box!
Lol! It was a close one 🙂
…I think that lady with the big nose is excited that you’re touching her boob.
…the cup in the window is definitely the old woman from “Where’s the beef?”
That reaction from women is common.
By that I mean, “Where’s the beef?”
See. I learned Oscar Mayer has a first name and vegetables ain’t half bad.
And by that I mean cucumbers, zucchinis….beef not needed.
That sounds like a bunch of bologna…
Garden tactics…
This looks like a candidate for a “Who Farted?” calendar page.
I think I can guess…
All of them except the girl in the middle.
It’s an off-off-off-off-off-off-off-Broadway production of “Sexual Perversity in Chicago.”
Or “Fried Green Vagina Monologues.”
“Ned’s Blog: Where the Comments are Sensitive AND Tasteful.”
Lol! Maybe I’ll have T-shirts made…
Fortunately, the plant had been dead for some time, an apparent suicide by hanging
At least it wasn’t macramé.
Love it. Looking forward to the forward movement in journalistic endeavors.
Thank you! But forward movement might be an over statement… 😉
Oh I know nothing about hyperbole.
From,
The only writer groupie to have ever walked the face of the planet, and gladly follows said writer from town to town via blogs.
Haha! Your devotion as a groupie to said writer is highly impressive. Or impressionistic, I can’t decide which… 😉
I can’t help but feel after examining that photograph for more time than is warranted, considering I really should be working, that those women had somehow modified that game into a card based ouija board. Two women in particular (second and forth from the left) really look as if they’ve already crossed over.
That is an excellent observation, John. Regarding those same two, I was thinking along the lines of something paranormal, as well — or maybe just wishing they were dead already.
I’m just glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I read your response. Fair play to the two women in whatever plane they are currently inhabiting. (better to hedge your bets during the Halloween season)
the players were upset that a new trivia category was added: ‘fungi and other things that we are not sure if they are plants or animals’. really pissed, because marge is an expert in this area.
Lol! I’m thinking “Marge” has already partaken of some mushrooms…