The glow-in-the-dark toilet seat, shoes with their own umbrellas attached, eatable bread gloves… yeah, I heard it hear first.
However, this morning I received an email about a fusion of science and technology that could help millions of people rest a little easier each night; at least until they’re awakened by their own drool:
You read it right. Thanks to a couple of guys named Justin and Dave, we can now climb into bed and lay our heads upon a pillowy-soft pile of hickory-smoked bacon — except without all the grease stains. As they told me, “The future of sleep is here, and it smells like cured pork.”
Keep in mind these guys are also the ones who created bacon-scented mustache wax for No-Shave Movember, as well as bacon-scented shaving cream for the other 11 months of the year.
Hey, science has proven that people who sleep better are happier, more productive and less likely to use their vehicle as a battering ram in fast food drive-throughs. What better way to ensure a good night’s sleep then by promoting bacon-themed dreams?
Is stress at work causing fitful sleep because you keep dreaming about finishing that report on overspending caused by excessive reports? Imagine how much better you’ll sleep when your dream includes a new griddle at your desk that’s filled with sizzling bacon!
Unable to sleep because you’re worried about bills piling up after the holiday season? Then let your dreams turn that pile of bills into strips of sweet bacon!
I know what some of you are thinking: What about vegetarians and people whose culture forbids consumption of pork?
Then one of them really needs to invent a tofu-scented pillowcase… Oh wait, that’s just a regular pillow.
Ha! Just kidding! I don’t mean to sound insensitive, and the last thing I want is to incite a pillow fight. At least not until my wife and I have the house to ourselves. The point is, for those of us who have actually purchased bulk packages of bacon from Costco, spread those packages out on the kitchen floor and laid in the middle making a bacon angel, then you understand the potentially life-changing significance of bacon-scented pillowcases.
Ok, fine. So I’m the only one who’s ever done that. Let me clarify that I was fully clothed so it’s not so creepy.
Regardless of how you feel about me or my bacon fetish, anyone who loves bacon — or knows someone who loves bacon, such as my wife who is hopefully reading this — can recognize how this could be the perfect gift for the person who has everything, including the flatulence-protection underwear I wrote about last week.
And if they have neither?
Get them both and provide bacon-scented dreams at night and unscented confidence during the day. Assuming they didn’t use bacon-scented shaving cream.