… This Just In …

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…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our newsroom…]

Each newsroom has a distinctive aroma. Ours is a combination of perspiration, diet soda and the occasional waft of cigarette smoke carried in by our editor after she returns from “following up on a lead.” That changed today, thanks to a package that arrived addressed to me. To be honest, ever since receiving dozens of unsolicited fruitcakes (the loaf) in the mail and through my car windows after writing about FDAD (Fruitcake Disposal Anxiety Disorder) a few years ago, I am suspicious of any package that arrives for me that doesn’t come from Amazon.com.

Some of you may remember how a mysterious package from a foreign country sent me into haz-mat mode with my firefighting gear. But hey! It just turned out to be a non-threatening can of real maple syrup from my friend and fellow humorist Ross Murray in Canada!

Because I don't speak fluent French, I thought it said "Terrible Soup."

Because I don’t speak fluent French, I thought it said “Terrible Soup.”

Still, I got a little nervous and was prepared to return to the fire station when this package was tossed on my desk by our office manager a few minutes ago…

I was prepared to throw myself on it to protect the newsroom if necessary. Or, at the very least, throw it into our editor's office.

I was prepared to throw myself on it to protect the newsroom if necessary. Or, at the very least, throw it into our editor’s office.

Seeing the Northwest address of Seattle, Wash., I decided to risk it and open the package without any protective gear, except for the athletic cup I keep in my desk drawer for occasions like this.

(There won’t be a picture of that here, by the way.)

After carefully cutting through the package while aiming it in the direction of my fellow journalists, the sweet scent of hickory-smoked bacon filled the room. That’s when I realized the package was from the folks at J&D’s Foods, makers of all things bacon β€” including their new Bacon-Scented Pillowcase.

Did I mention they make a bacon coffin? I am putting mine on layaway...

Did I mention they make a bacon coffin? I am putting mine on layaway…

Justin and Dave read Monday’s post and, in the spirit of the holidays, sent me my own pillowcase, along with a sampler of their bacon salts β€” which I plan to use as my new body scrub.

In fact, our newsroom is smelling better already! Although our vegetarian intern just quit…

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(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.)

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56 thoughts on “… This Just In …

  1. …ahem…per twitter cover…i cant stop…BUT…when you said “notify every one you could use more bacon..” ….im glad…really really glad that bacon is more of what you need…and not sausage. WHEW.

    i might…i say…might have to worry for you.

    someone PLEASE pass the syrup….

  2. You do realize that a bacon-scented pillow is going to make you ravenous when you wake up every morning, don’t you? Before you know it, we’ll have to knock a wall down to get you out of your room…

No one is watching, I swear...

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