…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…
[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our newsroom…]
Each newsroom has a distinctive aroma. Ours is a combination of perspiration, diet soda and the occasional waft of cigarette smoke carried in by our editor after she returns from “following up on a lead.” That changed today, thanks to a package that arrived addressed to me. To be honest, ever since receiving dozens of unsolicited fruitcakes (the loaf) in the mail and through my car windows after writing about FDAD (Fruitcake Disposal Anxiety Disorder) a few years ago, I am suspicious of any package that arrives for me that doesn’t come from Amazon.com.
Some of you may remember how a mysterious package from a foreign country sent me into haz-mat mode with my firefighting gear. But hey! It just turned out to be a non-threatening can of real maple syrup from my friend and fellow humorist Ross Murray in Canada!
Because I don’t speak fluent French, I thought it said “Terrible Soup.”
Still, I got a little nervous and was prepared to return to the fire station when this package was tossed on my desk by our office manager a few minutes ago…
I was prepared to throw myself on it to protect the newsroom if necessary. Or, at the very least, throw it into our editor’s office.
Seeing the Northwest address of Seattle, Wash., I decided to risk it and open the package without any protective gear, except for the athletic cup I keep in my desk drawer for occasions like this.
(There won’t be a picture of that here, by the way.)
After carefully cutting through the package while aiming it in the direction of my fellow journalists, the sweet scent of hickory-smoked bacon filled the room. That’s when I realized the package was from the folks at J&D’s Foods, makers of all things bacon — including their new Bacon-Scented Pillowcase.
Did I mention they make a bacon coffin? I am putting mine on layaway…
Justin and Dave read Monday’s post and, in the spirit of the holidays, sent me my own pillowcase, along with a sampler of their bacon salts — which I plan to use as my new body scrub.
In fact, our newsroom is smelling better already! Although our vegetarian intern just quit…
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(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.)
Nothing like a porcine scent to class up a newsroom! 😉
The smell of pork classes-up anything really… 😉
Wow! That’s a WIN!
…..that syrup and your hair…keeping appearances.
….wassup buttercup?
Just trying to see if I can pull off the mussed hair look. If I can, it means spending less time on my hair and more time with the commode to myself.
…ahem…per twitter cover…i cant stop…BUT…when you said “notify every one you could use more bacon..” ….im glad…really really glad that bacon is more of what you need…and not sausage. WHEW.
i might…i say…might have to worry for you.
someone PLEASE pass the syrup….
There is no link between the two…
….again. your words….
… and your mind…
…your putting thoughts in my mind…
mmmm…..bacon and maple syrup…..yep, breakfast for dinner tonight. Thanks for that!!
I swear, I could eat breakfast at every meal. At least until my heart gave out.
You do realize that a bacon-scented pillow is going to make you ravenous when you wake up every morning, don’t you? Before you know it, we’ll have to knock a wall down to get you out of your room…
I’m more afraid of eating my pillow in my sleep.
….ravenous…cough cough spit spit…gagging….
Speaking of which, better not get your wife those bacon-scented PJs…
Are you kidding? Talk about sexy…
And on that note…. I’m officially creeped out.
If they smelled like Canadian bacon it would be creepy.
bacongrits,baconshrimp,baconscallops,baconsalts,baconckn,baconeggs,baconthongs,baconbaconbacon,baconwife, bacon..
As long as you leave Kevin Bacon out, we’re good.
…im so worn out…LOL…i feel like I need a cigarette already…
Not aren’t you glad you didn’t review Spawndoms, the caviar-flavoured prophylactics!
So is my wife.
Oh my gosh! EW!
My clients are going to need to step up their game. This is the best holiday gift, yet!
With bacon as an endorsement, it’s almost unfair really.
Their advantage is quite substantial. I’ll give them that.
Let us know how you sleep tonight and if you eat your pillow case in your sleep.
If I eat my pillow in my sleep, I may not be in for work tomorrow.
Do you want me on standby to let them know?
You’re at the top of my phone tree.
It needs watering, by the way…
Cinderella Cinderella yeash I’ll get the watering can..pft
I need to get one of those bacon pillow cases, I wonder what kind of dreams I’d have sleeping on it.
If you sleepwalk, you may want to hide the mayo.
Thanks for the best laugh I’ve had all day. 😄
I used to hear that a lot in singles bars… 😉
HA ha you are so funny, cheers Kathy.
And cheers to you, Kathy! 😉
Rumor has it that J&D’s Foods is considering a bacon, egg and coffee scented pillow for on-the-go types who have no time for breakfast.
Ha! Slap the aroma of an English muffin in there and they could sell them at McDonalds!
I would send you a plate of poutine but I just don’t think it would travel well. 😉
Are you talking about by mail or through my digestive tract?
In my little opinion, I don’t think it would travel well in either direction, particularly if you followed it up with fruitcake. 😉
Does it still smell like bacon after it’s been washed?
It says you can wash it 50 to 60 times before it loses its aroma. If so, I’ll just wash it in bacon grease.
I still think I’d drool all over my pillow if I had one of these…
I like you, Scott. But I won’t be letting you borrow mine then.
That hurts, Ned.
Don’t take it personally. We’re talking about bacon here…
True. I needed that perspective.
I wonder what my dog would do to that pillow case.
Probably the same thing I did with it.
Hope it all comes out OK.
Bacon goes with everything…. have you seen chocolate covered bacon??? 😛
I’ve had it as a recurring dream, actually.