By this time tomorrow, one of the staff members over at Long Awkward Pause will be cooler than the rest.
Except for Brainrants.
No one is cooler than ‘Rants. Mostly because you can leave off half his name and it still sounds cool. Try that with any other writers there and the result sounds like someone grunting in the bathroom stall next to you:
“Awari!”
“Geish!”
“Ogdram!”
“Ned!”
However, I don’t care. Why? Because tonight, while everyone else is lying awake wondering if Luke Skywalker is actually the new villian with the candelabra-style lightsaber in the Star Wars trailers, and if so does that mean Jewish people have more midiclorians than the rest of us, I will have the answer to that burning question and more.Â
Like how do Wookies reproduce when they don’t appear to have any sex organs? And at his age, has Han Solo become one of those old people you hate to get stuck behind because he flys so slow you can’t make the jump to lightspeed?
I will have these answers because at 7 p.m. (PST) tonight, I will be sitting in the movie theater and likely getting poked in the head with a plastic lightsaber by an overzealous fan during a special advanced screening of “Star Wars: The Force Awakens.”
I’m still not sure how I managed it. Or even if it’s legal. But there are two things I DO know:
First, when I come into the office tomorrow, I will go from looking like this…
… to looking like this
The other thing I know is that I will be gloating giving a special report on the experience tomorrow morning at LAP. I promise it won’t have any spoilers. Unless aging Wookies develop a problem with sagging sex organs, in which case I’ll be obligated to at least warn people. Especially for those planning to watch the movie in 3D.
In the meantime, whether you’re right next door or in a galaxy far, far away, May the Force Be With You.
Unless it’s the police force.
See you tomorrow! I have foreseen it…
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Ned's Blog 
I’m in Star Wars lockdown until Saturday night. Got my tickets, baby!
P.S. You’ve been pezzed over at my site today.
WOO-HOOO! I’m so excited by the whole collective experience ! It’s a rare event for so many cultures and people around the world to share something like this.
I’m talking about you post, of course…
(Seriously, I can’t wait to see how you silk-pursed Pez.)
Good verbing there. I’m generally opposed to verbing but some sound perfectly right. My nephew recently suffered a serious fracture of his ankle. As he put it, he was just standing there when “my ankle stopped ankling.”
Haha! Definitely a wordsmith in the making.
You lucky duck. Mrs. Hickson is going to have to make sure you don’t hurt yourself with that lightsaber! 😉
That’s what SHE said!
And I didn’t mean that as a sexual inuendo joke. She just knows if I had one, I would probably cut my legs off.
(I don’t know what you are talking about, is that a thing? O.o)! ROFL See, she knows what’s up! 😉
Taking my 7-year-old Saturday afternoon. Stoked. Have you seen the Rotten Tomates rating on this thing? I’m giddy. Wookie privates are one plausible explanation for the glorious RT score. I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing.
I didn’t realize I was until you mentioned it. I may stop shaving down there now…
In all seriousness though, how awesome to be sharing this experience with your son. My Mom took meto see the first one in 1977 when I was 11. Now, 38 years later, I’m returning the favor. Pretty damned cool 😉
The downside of all the marketing hype is obvious. The upside is that it produced a nice little groundswell of interest with elementary school kids and injected a little more excitement for my son.
It’s not lost on me that this is one of those father-son moments we’re likely to both remember for the rest of our lives.
Some pop culture events transcend 99%+ of the others.
This is one of those times. It’s awesome that you get to see it early, Ned.
I’m envious of your “Seeing Star Wars before everyone else” ability. Teach me!
As long as you promise not to use your powers for evil. Like getting ahead of me when the next Star Wars sequel comes out.
Hmmmm….enjoy it, you will. 🙂
Sure of that, I am 😉
OMG I can’t wait. I typically prefer to wait at least a week before seeing any new blockbuster – in a weak effort to avoid being annoyed by the people around me – a practice I’ve employed since Mo Better Blues. I still have the tics to prove it.
As long as it’s not the kind that bite…
Remember, a light saber makes a terrible nose-hair trimmer. Nose-trimmer, however…
like a kardashian transformation, except better
Does the wookie have fleas? Is Hans Solo true to his name and flying solo?
Does Jaba drool and if so what? What kind of dreams does Darth Vader have? Is Luke a father and does his kid say the line? “I am your fadder”
All will be revealed. Just none of that stuff. But I can say, afterreturning home from seeing it just a few minutes ago, that it will NOT disappoint. Can’t wait to see it again, actually!
Too, Fun, Ned! I saw at 7pm Pacific. It was a blast…er!
Dan
Haha! Me too! Absolutely loved it. I knew J.J. wouldn’t let us down 😉
I hated you when I first read this, Ned.
But now I’ve seen the film myself.
I love it when everything works out, don’t you?
Absolutely! Especially when thereare Wookies and Jedi involved. I felt like a kid again, except with a large… um, popcorn bucket.
Haven’t seen it yet… going this evening. I think a lot of questions shall be answered. Were you disappointed? Annoyed? Elated? What???? 😉
Just saw it for the second time with my whole family today… does that anwser your question?