A year ago today: Officially the strangest 15 minutes of my life

imageA year ago next Wednesday, the infamous “Terminator” spoof “The Nedinator” shocked the world! Or at least those who came to the premier at our local movie theater and witnessed me in a red thong on the big screen for 17 seconds.

Fortunately for everyone, we didn’t have the budget to make it in 3D.

To mark the anniversary, I’m putting together a Special Boxed Set Edition (at least in blogging terms) for next week.

In the meantime, this post from a year ago today explains how and why it all got started, just as I explained it to James Cameron’s lawyers…  Continue reading

Sorry, but ‘The Force’ will be with me sooner than you

imageBy this time tomorrow, one of the staff members over at Long Awkward Pause will be cooler than the rest.

Except for Brainrants.

No one is cooler than ‘Rants. Mostly because you can leave off half his name and it still sounds cool. Try that with any other writers there and the result sounds like someone grunting in the bathroom stall next to you:

“Awari!”

“Geish!”

“Ogdram!”

“Ned!”

However, I don’t care. Why? Because tonight, while everyone else is lying awake wondering if Luke Skywalker is actually the new villian with the candelabra-style lightsaber in the Star Wars trailers, and if so does that mean Jewish people have more midiclorians than the rest of us, I will have the answer to that burning question and more.  Continue reading

Big screen premiere of ‘The Nedinator’ blamed for drop in thong sales

Poster design by Adam Sendek. Because he rocks.

Poster design by Adam Sendek. Because he rocks.

The lights went down, the curtains parted and theater-goers at City Lights Cinemas who had come to witness the premiere of Terminator: Genisys were also the first to witness me in a red thong.

I should clarify that this was for the big-screen premiere of a 6-minute spoof, Terminator: Nedisys.

As you might expect, the consensus from audience members was very positive…

“I laughed. I cried. I called my lawyer.”

“TWO THUMBS UP! But I’d rather not say where.”

“Any chance a Terminator will travel through time to make sure this movie never happened?”

“I really wish I’d held off on getting those corrective lenses.”

In all seriousness, what you see of me in a thong is extremely small. I mean, when compared to the film’s overall length. *sigh* I’m just saying don’t let my being in a thong scare you off, because it’s very tiny.

The scene, not…

Nevermind. Continue reading

I’m expecting a call from James Cameron any minute…

image

It all started a week ago with me in a red thong. No, not for the uh… re-tooling… of the Magic Mike franchise. I’m talking about the making of a video spoof called “Terminator: Nedisys,” which went live this morning. It started as just a crazy idea to have fun with the new Terminator movie, which comes out Tuesday. But then I had an idea about using it as a new kind of an advertising vehicle for our newspaper by promoting businesses through a funny video people would want to share.

Suddenly, our budget expanded exponentially. Special effects costs alone ballooned to a jaw-dropping $12.98.

Still, I’m happy to say our 6-minute film came in under budget in spite of our extensive shooting schedule of: 1 day.

Plus our generous post-production schedule of: 1 day. Continue reading

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into The Bat Cave

I should preface this movie trailer for my upcoming film, “The Shadow of Batman,” by assuring you there will not be any fighting with Superman.

Nor was Ben Affleck allowed anywhere near a Batsuit.

In fact, the lead role is portrayed by a relative unknown. And by “relative unknown,” I mean a family member unknown to anyone who doesn’t already follow this blog. The following trailer offers a glimpse of how we’ve returned to the more kitty gritty, mysterious caped crusader of the orgininal comic book — when the mere shadow of Batman was enough to send villains scurrying like mice…

For more on this, and a brand new music video by the multi-talented blogger Gunmetal Geisha, we have joined forces for today’s post over at Long Awkward Pause!

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40 years ago this week, “Jaws” made a bed-wetter out of me

image I was a few weeks short of my ninth birthday when Jaws premiered in our local theater. Even though I wasn’t old enough to see it, that didn’t keep us from sneaking into the darkened cinema to experience a movie that prolonged the bed-wetting experience by at least two years. Though I lived in Redondo Beach at the time, I was never a big fan of being on — or in — the ocean. To me, the sea was like a bees’ nest; naturally beautiful and the keeper of deliciousness, but I wasn’t going to stick my hand inside.

In the years since then, “Jaws” has become one of my favorite movies — an example of masterful storytelling by Steven Spielberg that is as engrossing today as it was 40 years ago. While I could identify most with Roy Scheider’s “Chief Brody,” it was Robert Shaw’s portrayal of “Quint” the shark hunter that I have come to appreciate the most — and whose telling of the “delivery of the bomb” still mesmerizes me every time. Continue reading

Geckos mean stickier tape — and one last action movie for Bruce Willis

(Given that it’s Mother’s Day, I realize there are a lot of you who, to celebrate the joy of motherhood, have already had one too many mimosas. But that’s OK! Because it’s also Flashback Sunday, that other special day when we dust off the archives and go into the past, back when I thought “Freshly Pressed” was something that happened to new inmates. Some of you may be thinking, “Ned, why didn’t you flashback to a Mother’s Day post?” And to you I say, “What mother doesn’t want to look at Bruce Willis?”)

Bruce Willis will team up with geckos for the new action movie “Van der Waal Forces,” due in time for the AARP’s 65th anniversary.

It’s true I sometimes make fun of scientific discoveries that, in my opinion, seem a little silly — such as genetically altering a mouse to glow in the dark. That’s because I just can’t see any benefit to creating a rodent with its own built-in night light. While it might make for goofy fun at the lab when all the lights are out, should one of these neon mice manage to escape and reproduce, I’ll be the one stuck taking my cat to therapy twice a week.

However, from time to time, there is a scientific breakthrough so significant, so far-reaching, so groundbreaking that even I — a trained humor columnist — must stop and say:

WOW! This is quite possibly the most important scientific discovery since….
…The glow-in-the-dark mouse!

(For me, the yardstick by which all modern scientific discoveries are measured.)

Thanks to researchers at Lewis and Clark University and the University of California Berkley, we are on the verge of another milestone in scientific achievement — something that could quite possibly change the world as we know it!

At least in terms of adhesiveness.

I’m talking, of course about Gecko Tape. Continue reading

Geckos mean stickier tape — and maybe a new action movie for Bruce Willis

Bruce Willis will team up with geckos for the new action movie “Van der Waal Forces,” due in time for the AARP’s 65th anniversary.

It’s true I sometimes make fun of scientific discoveries that, in my opinion, seem a little silly — such as genetically altering a mouse to glow in the dark. That’s because I just can’t see any benefit to creating a rodent with its own built-in night light. While it might make for goofy fun at the lab when all the lights are out, should one of these neon mice manage to escape and reproduce, I’ll be the one stuck taking my cat to therapy twice a week.

However, from time to time, there is a scientific breakthrough so significant, so far-reaching, so groundbreaking that even I — a trained humor columnist — must stop and say:

WOW! This is quite possibly the most important scientific discovery since….
…The glow-in-the-dark mouse!

(For me, the yardstick by which all modern scientific discoveries are measured.)

Thanks to researchers at Lewis and Clark University and the University of California Berkley, we are on the verge of another milestone in scientific achievement — something that could quite possibly change the world as we know it!

At least in terms of adhesiveness.

I’m talking, of course about Gecko Tape. Continue reading

Evidence links nacho-flavored Doritos and crazed squirrels

It was crazed squirrels, not the police, who drove Thelma and Louise off the Grand Canyon.

Several years ago while visiting the Grand Canyon, my chance to enjoy one of the world’s greatest natural wonders was marred by an unprovoked squirrel attack. Anyone who’s been there can tell you that the park is completely over run by hordes of crazed, hyperactive squirrels. It’s gotten so bad that the park service installed coin-operated food dispensers, the idea being that tourists could feed the squirrels while remaining blissfully unaware that the pellets were, in effect, simply a diversion meant to save their lives.

The problem is that the squirrels are now SICK of these pellets, which tourists still purchase, but now hurl directly at the squirrels while fleeing back to their cars. In most cases, they never get to see the Grand Canyon at all, choosing instead to escape by turning their windshield wipers on high and dislodging enough squirrels to navigate their way into the nearest Sequoia patch.

(Movie note: Thelma & Louise originally ended with them eluding the police, then tragically plunging into the Grand Canyon in a hail of gun fire, food pellets and flailing squirrels.) Continue reading