By this time tomorrow, one of the staff members over at Long Awkward Pause will be cooler than the rest.
Except for Brainrants.
No one is cooler than ‘Rants. Mostly because you can leave off half his name and it still sounds cool. Try that with any other writers there and the result sounds like someone grunting in the bathroom stall next to you:
However, I don’t care. Why? Because tonight, while everyone else is lying awake wondering if Luke Skywalker is actually the new villian with the candelabra-style lightsaber in the Star Wars trailers, and if so does that mean Jewish people have more midiclorians than the rest of us, I will have the answer to that burning question and more.
Like how do Wookies reproduce when they don’t appear to have any sex organs? And at his age, has Han Solo become one of those old people you hate to get stuck behind because he flys so slow you can’t make the jump to lightspeed?
I will have these answers because at 7 p.m. (PST) tonight, I will be sitting in the movie theater and likely getting poked in the head with a plastic lightsaber by an overzealous fan during a special advanced screening of “Star Wars: The Force Awakens.”
I’m still not sure how I managed it. Or even if it’s legal. But there are two things I DO know:
First, when I come into the office tomorrow, I will go from looking like this…
… to looking like this
The other thing I know is that I will be
gloating giving a special report on the experience tomorrow morning at LAP. I promise it won’t have any spoilers. Unless aging Wookies develop a problem with sagging sex organs, in which case I’ll be obligated to at least warn people. Especially for those planning to watch the movie in 3D.
In the meantime, whether you’re right next door or in a galaxy far, far away, May the Force Be With You.
Unless it’s the police force.
See you tomorrow! I have foreseen it…