Our Dempublican National Convention was sort of overlooked

imageEven though our Dempublican Party Convention was purposely held after the RNC but before the DNC, on Saturday afternoon, between 1:30 and 2:15 p.m., in the seating area of the Fred Meyer deli, it was still somehow overlooked by the media!

Although I’m pretty sure someone was live-streaming us on Facebook with their iPod.

By accident.

As they walked by, grocery shopping with their infant.

Anyway, now that the conventions are over, some of you may still be undecided about who to vote for this November. Or, like a lot of Americans, you feel as though you’re not voting FOR someone as much as you are voting against Trump someone else?

Is THAT what our forefathers had in mind when they took the risk of gathering together in secret to get drunk at Christiana Campbell’s Tavern and write the Declaration of Independence?!?

I don’t think so!

And did our forefathers like bacon? Yes! (If they still had their teeth). So, if YOU like bacon, and THEY liked bacon, then the Dempublican Party is YOUR party because bacon is a huge part of our platform! In fact, we tried to make a speaking platform out of actual bacon but, well…

We ate most of it. 

Instead, during rallies, we just wave a bacon strip around during speeches for added emphasis.

As I’m sure you can imagine, campaign funding has been extremely tough since Hormel is our only real sponsor, and most of that money goes to quite the lobbiests from the American Association of Cardiologists. So, aside from a few T-shirts and campaign buttons, and a can of Bac-Os someone from the Green Party threw at us, we don’t have much in the way of a promotional material.

Except for this video…



I think that pretty much defines our goals as a political party, and what you can expect my priorities to be as your president. Wow! I get goosebumps just typing that!

*Gets up and closes window*

That’s better.

My fellow Americans, if you are still undecided about who to vote for this November, especially if you’re Canadian, I hope you’ll consider joining me and the Dempublican Party.

The world is a funny place; elect someone with experience…







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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

25 thoughts on “Our Dempublican National Convention was sort of overlooked”

  1. Ummm, I don’t know Ned – you have some pretty shaky sponsors – like Americans who don’t use turn signals. You do know that they are a powerful cartel that is a division of Americans who refuse to drive sensibly and legally? This group has been sought by the authorities for decades but they are like a many headed hydra – jail one head and another pops up to take its place. The money they save in not having to replace turn signal bulbs is funneled into special interest groups that will benefit their illegal activities. How you can use all that money from unburnt bulbs to further your cause seems unethical to me. In fact the American Turn Signal Bulb Association (ATSBA) has been lobbying to increase the punishment for not signaling to lethal injection. Oh, best of luck in the election (and awesome video Ned – hilarious)

    1. Haha! The money saved in not replacing turn signal bulbs will be used to pay off the national debt. Based on the numbers, I predict we’ll be in the black within my first 100 days.

  2. Still roaring at the video! I’m Canadian yes, but I follow American politics very seriously. And I want you to know I’d vote for you in a heartbeat Ned. You are certainly the most qualified candidate.
    Other than you, the choices aren’t stellar. I can see how it becomes more about who not to vote for than who to vote for. God Bless the USA, particularly come November. 🙂

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