Category: The Box

The mystery of The Box continues. (Just take my word for it)

"Skippy" the wild, blindfolded squirrel in his natural habitat. At least on Tuesday mornings...
“Skippy” the wild, blindfolded squirrel in his natural habitat. At least on Tuesday mornings…
Every Tuesday here at Siuslaw News, I re-enact the climactic scene from Clash of the Titans when, without warning, I suddenly holler: “RELEASE THE SQUIRREL!” And although “Skippy” the wild, blindfolded squirrel is no Kraken, he is just as terrifying to anyone trapped in our newsroom at the time of his release. Not only because I believe he is partially rabid, but also because it means it’s time for The Box: That mysterious collection of unidentified photographs that have remained unclaimed in our newsroom since the 1980s.

Each week, I randomly select a photo by dumping The Box of photographs onto the floor of our newsroom and then releasing “Skippy.” The photo closest to the person who screams first is chosen. Since our debut of The Box four weeks ago, we’ve lost three high school interns and a guy restocking the vending machine. This morning, no one quit or left the building screaming, which tells me I am slowly losing the element of surprise. So this morning I had to settle for the photo “Skippy” decided to chew on while defecating on the chair of a fellow reporter who will begin screaming shortly after she arrives. Continue reading The mystery of The Box continues. (Just take my word for it)

Today proves The Box is part of a higher power (or someone was high)

I'm not sure if "Skippy" bites. Actually, I'm not even sure if he's a squirrel. Or a "he."
I’m not sure if “Skippy” bites. Actually, I’m not even sure if he’s a squirrel. Or a “he.”
That scream you just heard, depending on you proximity to our newsroom, can only mean one thing! Ok, possibly two, but I haven’t written in the nude for at least a month. That means today’s scream was the result of releasing a wild, blindfolded squirrel into the newsroom.

Why?

Because it’s time once again to randomly choose a photo from our collection of decades-old unclaimed and unidentified photos in The Box here at Siuslaw News.

Before I reveal this week’s photo, I must admit I was shocked that an image of its importance and religious significance had been sitting in The Box for the last 20 to 30 years. I called The Vatican and was told a special team of trained investigators would be dispatched to verify the authenticity of this photo, just as soon as they were done disproving claims that Sean “Puffy” Combs is a deity. “Given that he is the only one to make these claims, it shouldn’t take long,” said the Vatican representative I spoke with. Continue reading Today proves The Box is part of a higher power (or someone was high)

Getting to the bottom of another random moment from The Box

After getting the blindfold on Tippy the wild squirrel last week, I've decided it's just easier to leave it on.
After getting the blindfold on Tippy the wild squirrel last week, I’ve decided it’s just easier to leave it on.
RELEASE THE SQUIRREL!
That’s right! It’s Tuesday, which means it’s not only a deadline day here in our newsroom, but also the day I quietly dump the contents of The Box — a collection of unclaimed photos dating back to the 1980s — onto the floor and randomly pick an image with the help of a wild, blindfolded squirrel. The photo closest to the person in the room who screams or gets bitten (quite possibly both) first is chosen! Given that last week was our first edition of this exciting new feature, I still maintained the element of surprise this morning, thanks to my stealthiness and what a fellow journalist called my, “gall to pull the same stunt that sent an intern screaming all the way to her guidance councilor.”

“HEY!” I offered in my defense, then drew a blank.

Which brings us to this week’s randomly selected photo from The Box… Continue reading Getting to the bottom of another random moment from The Box

Another random moment from “The Box” of unclaimed photos

The Box: home to old, unidentified photos that have remained unclaimed. Probably for good reason.
The Box, home to old, unidentified photos that have remained unclaimed. Probably for good reason.
Last week, we said goodbye to our weekly feature The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) and introduced The Box: a collection of odd, unidentified photos which — just like many items in our break room refrigerator — have remained unclaimed for 10 years or more. Each week, I will utilize my journalistic training, combined with the full extent of our 1980s computer technology, to explain the circumstance surrounding a randomly chosen photo from The Box. This random selection process is achieved by me quietly dumping the photos onto the floor and then, just as quietly, releasing a wild, blindfolded squirrel into the newsroom. The photo nearest the first reporter to scream is the winner!

I have to say, the selection process went extremely well for this first edition of The Box.

(In an entirely unrelated matter, if anyone is interested we are seeking a new intern.)

Now, let’s get to this week’s photo… Continue reading Another random moment from “The Box” of unclaimed photos