Tag: blogging

Ice water in my veins? Ummm… not exactly

This would've been refreshing if we lived somewhere warmer
This would’ve been refreshing if we lived somewhere warmer like The Equator.
Ordinarily, my day doesn’t end with a bucket of ice water being dumped over my head by a junior varsity football team.

No, it’s true.

But thanks to a challenge issued by Adam Sendek at Long Awkward Pause, my plans to watch the sunset with my wife on the porch while drinking something icy and alcoholic turned into something else entirely.

Except for the icy part. There was actually plenty of that.

By now, most of you have seen at least one of ALS Ice Bucket Challenge videos circulating the Internet, during which [Spoiler Alert!] someone gets a bucket of ice water dumped on their head. What started out as a celebrities-only challenge to raise money for ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) research, has grown exponentially to include thousands of non-celebrities, all of whom are united in hope that, some day, everyone on the planet will be able to trace themselves back to Kevin Bacon. Continue reading Ice water in my veins? Ummm… not exactly

I’m 48 today AND it’s my 30th class reunion; way to rub it in, God

The kind of excitement my birthday is generating.
The kind of excitement my birthday is generating.
This morning, after unpinning my legs from under our Labrador, I pulled back the covers and rolled out of bed, bringing my feet to the floor for the first time as a 48-year-old.

So far, so good, I thought, then stretched, twisted and stood before sliding into my pants. I’ve always told myself, when I have to start sitting down to put my pants on, THAT’S when I’ll know I’m getting old. But this morning I realized that wasn’t entirely true: It’ll start long before that, when I can no longer get out from under the dog.

Naturally, the first thing my son asked me this morning is if I felt a year older. I told him I didn’t, but that I was starting to forget little things, like including his name in my will. And I might’ve accidentally worn his underwear while jogging yesterday. Plus, I may have posted a Justin Bieber link to his Facebook instead of his sister’s. But other than those minor memory glitches, I hadn’t noticed any real difference in becoming a year older. Continue reading I’m 48 today AND it’s my 30th class reunion; way to rub it in, God

Writing tips that will help you jump off the deep end

image Welcome to a special “Vacation Edition” of Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, which is just like any other edition of my NWOW, except that I’m holding a margarita in one hand. Sadly, this has no effect on my typing speed whatsoever. As I mentioned last week, I am spending part of my vacation sifting through two years of NWOW writing advice and organizing it into an eBook. And when I say “part of my vacation,” I mean the part that doesn’t include sleeping late, drinking margaritas, taking naps, having more margaritas and then falling asleep. But I promise: between 2:30 and 2:45 p.m. each day, I am diligently working on what I’m hoping will be a writer’s survival guide that offers writing insights as well as inspiration.

Then again, that could be the tequila talking.

In the meantime, I’ve hand-picked a couple of past NWOWs for the next two Fridays while I work on the book, which I plan to finish before my vacation ends next weekend. Or after I wake up from my next nap, whichever comes first… Continue reading Writing tips that will help you jump off the deep end

Your writing muse is always the last place you look

image Welcome to Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, that time each week when I rake up the scattered leaves of wisdom that have fallen from the tree of writing during my 15 years as a columnist, then offer them to you in a tightly sealed bag of literary knowledge, which happens to resemble a giant jack-o-lantern because we still haven’t used up the novelty trash bags we bought last Halloween.

It’s a weekly feature Publishers’ Digest has called “Insights every writer should know before deciding on a career in public sanitation,” and what The Master of Horror® Stephen King has heralded as “The kind of tips I would give, assuming I was still hooked on Percocet.”

But enough accolades!

When you consider that there were nine Muses in Greek mythology, you’d think finding yours would be pretty easy. In fact, I’m looking for mine right now. The Muses, as you probably know, were all extraordinarily beautiful women (remember, philosophers were all men back then), with names like Fallopia, Urethra, Tetracycline, Chlamydia, Herpes, etc., and were the daughters of mighty Zeus and the goddess of personified memory… uh, whose name escapes me. Each muse served as inspiration for different art forms, such as literature, oration, sculpture, music, Reuben sandwiches, and others. Continue reading Your writing muse is always the last place you look

Active descriptions are key to believable characters; Activia descriptions are not

image Around here, Fridays are reserved for my Nickel’s Worth on Writing, when I take the literary landfill of experience I’ve gained from 15 years as a newspaper columnist and break it down into handfuls of writing compost that Publisher’s Digest has called “…writing tips that are completely full of [fertilizer]…”

Or what The Master of Horror® Stephen King heralded as, “…literary soil that could bring back a dead cat…”

But enough accolades!

This two-part NWOW is about earning a reader’s trust through effective character dialogue and active description — and how earning that trust means the difference between a reader taking a leap of faith or a flying leap. Here’s a brief re-cap from the first part of this post, which focused on three forms of dialogue: Narrative dialogue, fictional dialogue based on a real person, and “real” dialogue from a fictional character… Continue reading Active descriptions are key to believable characters; Activia descriptions are not

As you might expect, I’m celebrating this milestone with a face-plant

image I know it’s Thursday, a day I don’t normally post. But WAIT! I can explain! Yes, I know I probably should’ve called first. But sometimes things happen that are out of our control. Like three pregnant Kardashians. Or when the dog rubs his butt on the carpet when we’re not home. In this case, however, what has happened is actually a happy thing. An exciting thing. And something that, for the most part, won’t leave a stain on the carpet or the next generation.

Back on June 7, this blog celebrated a milestone of picking up its 4,500th follower. After the party (My thanks to all of you for staying to help clean up, by the way), I set a goal of seeing if this blog could reach 5,000 by Aug. 16, when I turn 38 40 45

FINE Then: 48!

I felt it was a bit of a stretch, but stretching is something I’m trying to do a lot more of lately, especially since it’s getting easier to throw my back out or pull a groin muscle. Over the last several weeks, I’ve watched in amazement realizing there was a good chance I might actually make that goal. When I woke this morning and saw this blog had actually surpassed 5,000, I sprang up out of my chair and hollered “OWWWWWW!” because I had pulled a groin muscle. Continue reading As you might expect, I’m celebrating this milestone with a face-plant

Even when making stuff up, honesty is still the best policy for writers

image It’s time for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, when we gather together and, in a politically correct manner, sit criss-cross Indian style as I share corn-like kernels of wisdom from 15 shucking years as a columnist.

I should point out this weekly feature has been recognized by Publishers Digestion as “…Tips that often get overlooked. Usually on purpose…” and what The Master of Horror® Stephen King has heralded as “…A weekly reminder of what scares me…”

But enough accolades!

Being a humor columnist, I am often asked:

“Where do you get this stuff?”
“How did you even think of that?”
“Do you just make this [censored] up?
“Isn’t marijuana legal in Oregon?”

The answer to all of those questions is a definitive “Yes,” particularly on Ballot Measure 5. However, each of the first three include an important addendum that reads as follows:

“While the consumption of humor shall be made available to everyone regardless of race, color, creed or whatever they happen to be eating that may unintentionally exit a nostril, the distributor of said humor is required to provide a basic standard of truthfulness, therefore guaranteeing consumers a more pure grade of laughter. At least until they try passing mixed-berry yogurt through their nose.” Continue reading Even when making stuff up, honesty is still the best policy for writers

Alligators, erotica and other interview styles (part 2)

image Welcome to another edition of Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, a weekly feature when I utilize my 15 years as a newspaper columnist to offer writing insights that Publishers Digestion has called “…nuggets of wisdom similar to McDonald’s Dippers; in either case, we aren’t sure where they come from…” Or what The Master of Horror® Stephen King has heralded as, “…The last word in writing advice. Just as soon as my lawyers get involved…”

But enough accolades!

As I mentioned last week, this two-part series is a bit of a departure from my normal NWOW. Not only because of the kinky search-term hits I’ll be receiving due to having “alligator” and “erotica” in the same title, but also because it’s the second half of a post focusing on how different interview styles get subjects to reveal different things about themselves. In scientific terms, think of me as the “control subject” while Marcia Meara and Eden Baylee are the variables. Or put another way, see how Marcia’s threat of unleashing an albino alligator prompts a different answer than Eden’s constant slapping of a feather whip against her chair leg. Continue reading Alligators, erotica and other interview styles (part 2)

What do Etta James, AC/DC and John Denver have in common? My Life in Six Songs.

image You may have heard of the My Life in Six Songs challenge at Running on Sober, where bloggers are invited to come tell their life story in six songs. Or less, depending on how quickly they go insane trying to pick the right songs. Obviously, the older you are the more difficult it is because 1) You’ve experienced more in your life, 2) You’ve heard more music, and 3) You keep forgetting which songs you’ve already picked. Being almost 30 40 45 FINE! 48! picking six songs and explaining why they best represent your life is a lot like picking an ice cream at Cold Stone: So many to choose from and, ultimately, you know you’re going to have a brain freeze.

In the end, my six song choices came down to music from Carole King, John Williams, Brad Paisley, Bill Withers, Etta James and AC/DC, with a bonus track from John Denver — my waffle cone, so to speak. I had the privilege of sharing the honor with Victoria at Neuronotes, who is a highly intelligent and well spoken woman who knows her way around science as much as she does the human condition — qualities that are a stark contrast to…

Well, me.

To experience this contrast firsthand, and understand how Etta James and AC/DC each play a role in my life’s soundtrack, just ask the DJ… here

Of alligators and erotica: Revealing myself to Marcia Meara and Eden Baylee (Part 1)

image It’s Friday, and we all know what that means… That’s right! It’s time to call in sick for a three-day weekend! It’s also time for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, which many bosses, especially editors, accept as a legitimate cause for illness. So go ahead and read this before making that phone call! For those who might be visiting for the first time, I should explain my weekly NWOW is when I take what I’ve learned from 15 years as a columnist and filter out the impurities, much like that water filter in your refrigerator that hasn’t been changed since you bought it, and offer you a refreshing glass of slightly sulfuric-smelling wisdom.

But don’t take my word for it! Publishers Digestion has called my NWOW, “…Writing advice you can’t find anywhere else. And we’d like to keep it that way…” and what The Master of Horror® Stephen King has heralded as “…Writing wisdom that keeps me awake at night…”

But enough accolades! Continue reading Of alligators and erotica: Revealing myself to Marcia Meara and Eden Baylee (Part 1)