Tag: musings

Don’t worry — the voting hasn’t started yet

image For anyone who might be panicking thinking the voting for Performance of the Year at The Public Blogger started 30 minutes ago and, thanks to having pre-celebratiry margaritas I passed out before I could post the link so you could vote for that good-looking guy from Hollywood — Don’t worry! He’s not as good looking in person. Or so I hope.

Anyway, the voting was knocked back 30 minutes and is supposed to begin at 7:30 p.m. I will put the link up as soon as it becomes available. I promise!

Assuming I haven’t passed out… Stay tuned!

“Performance of the Year” — The complete list and links to all 11 nominees as voting begins

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In two hours (7 p.m. PST), a special link will go live as the voting begins for 11 nominees vying for the 2015 “Performance of the Year” award at The Public Blogger. This will be the first round of eliminations that will continue until the winner is announced Dec. 30. This mix of nominated artists includes writers, photographers, hip-hop singers, poets and one humorist (for those with a weak heart, I won’t draw out the suspense and just let you know it’s me). Since yesterday, I’ve been featuring the works of my fellow nominees here and on my Facebook page because:

1) Giving as many people as possible the chance to see their terrific work is the right thing to do
2) It’s a real honor to be among this group. Period.
3) If I get voted out, I’m hoping for the “Congeniality Performance” award Continue reading “Performance of the Year” — The complete list and links to all 11 nominees as voting begins

Anew Duo — “Performance of the Year” nominee (Chicago, Ill.)

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The first round of voting for this year’s “Performance of the Year” begins TONIGHT at 7 p.m. (Pacific) at The Public Blogger. As I mentioned earlier, it’s sort of like the blogging world’s version of The Oscars, with a little American Idle thrown in. Which is better than throwing in “Bachelor in Paradise” because this would be an entirely different kind of awards show.

Anyway, there are 11 nominees, and one of us will be voted out each week until Dec. 30, beginning with the first round of voting tonight.

Yesterday, I began featuring each of the other nominees so you get a chance to see their work. There are five genres represented — artists, writers, photographers and singers. Oh, and one humorist. Probably because more than one could lead to disaster.

Please take the opportunity to vote tonight, even if it’s not for me. Details are at the bottom of this post… along with a printable $1 off coupon for Burger King’s new “Black Bunned Whopper,” which is naturally larger than the white-bunned Whopper. No need to thank me or let this influence your vote in any way.

In the meantime, meet Christian hip-hop recording artists Anew Duo… Continue reading Anew Duo — “Performance of the Year” nominee (Chicago, Ill.)

The Music of STEIS — “Performance of ther Year” nominee (Boston, Mass.)

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The first round of voting for this year’s “Performance of the Year” begins TONIGHT at 7 p.m. (Pacific) at The Public Blogger. As I mentioned earlier, it’s sort of like the blogging world’s version of The Oscars, with a little American Idle thrown in. Which is good, because if it was The Rap Awards my hip-hop name “2-White-2-Rap” would get me thrown out.

Anyway, there are 11 nominees, and one of us will be voted out each week until Dec. 30, beginning with the first round of voting tonight.

Yesterday, I began featuring each of the other nominees so you get a chance to see their work. There are five genres represented — artists, writers, photographers and singers. Oh, and one humorist. (There must be some kind of quota.)

Please take the opportunity to vote tonight, even if it’s not for me. Details are at the bottom of this post… as well as an elementary school photo of me with braces, buck teeth and rainbow suspenders that were often used for tying me up in the boys bathroom. But please — don’t let the torment of my youth influence your decision when you vote.

In the meantime, meet singer, songwriter and recording artist STEIS… Continue reading The Music of STEIS — “Performance of ther Year” nominee (Boston, Mass.)

Rob Goldstein — “Performance of the Year” nominee (San Francisco, Ca.)

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The first round of voting for this year’s “Performance of the Year” begins tomorrow at The Public Blogger. As I mentioned earlier, it’s sort of like the blogging world’s version of The Oscars, with a little American Idle thrown in. And for everyone’s sake it’s a good thing “So You Think You Can Dance” wasn’t a part of it. Otherwise, eliminations would be people going to the hospital after dancing with me.

Anyway, there are 11 nominees, and one of us will be voted out each week until Dec. 30.

Between now and tomorrow evening at 7 p.m., when voting begins, I’m going to feature each nominee so you get a chance to see their work. There are five genres represented — artists, writers, photographers and singers. Oh, and one humorist *puts hands in pockets and whistles off key*

Please take the opportunity to vote tomorrow, even if it’s not for me. Details are at the bottom of this post… along with a photo of my four teens looking proudly at their father. But please, don’t let the thought of their disappointment should I not get voted through influence your decision at all…

In the meantime, meet mental health activist, artist, blogger and poet Rob Goldstein. Continue reading Rob Goldstein — “Performance of the Year” nominee (San Francisco, Ca.)

Christian Marc — “Performance of the Year” nominee (Hollywood, Ca.)

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The first round of voting for this year’s “Performance of the Year” begins tomorrow at The Public Blogger. As I mentioned earlier, it’s sort of like the blogging world’s version of The Oscars, with a little American Idle thrown in. Except none of our mothers are going to tell the judges how talented we are even when we stink. Anyway, there are 11 nominees, and one of us will be voted out each week until Dec. 30.

Between now and tomorrow evening at 7 p.m., when voting begins, I’m going to feature each nominee so folks get a chance to see their work. There are five genres represented — artists, writers, photographers and singers. Oh, and one humorist *smiles creepily*

Please take the opportunity to vote tomorrow, even if it’s not for me.

Details are at the bottom of this post.

There’s also a short, but sad story about how I’ve never won anything since Mrs. Flipendorf’s sixth-grade “Draw The Female Reproductive System” contest. (I got extra credit for including the placenta, which was actually a spagetti stain from working at the dinner table. But hey — a win’s a win…)

In the meantime, meet writer, producer and all-around talented guy Christian Marc. It’s just too bad he’s so *cough cough* homely… Continue reading Christian Marc — “Performance of the Year” nominee (Hollywood, Ca.)

Charles Okpere — “Performance of the Year” nominee (Nigeria)

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As I mentioned yesterday, the first round of voting for this year’s “Performance of the Year” begins tomorrow at The Public Blogger. It’s sort of like the blogging world’s version of The Oscars, with a little American Idle thrown in. If The Sopranos gets added to the mix, it could be over by next weekend. Otherwise, there are 11 nominees, and one of us will be voted out each week until Dec. 30.

Between now and tomorrow evening at 7 p.m., when voting begins, I’m going to feature each nominee so that you can get a chance to see their work. There are five genres represented — artists, bloggers, photographers and singers. Oh, and one humorist. Please take the opportunity to vote tomorrow.

Even if it’s not for me.

I’ll have details at the bottom of this post.

Along with a very endearing photo of myself that will linger in your mind come voting time.

In the meantime, meet Charles Okpere, a young man from Nigeria whose persepctives and outlook on living life with optimism in the face of oppression is both illuminating and inspiring… Continue reading Charles Okpere — “Performance of the Year” nominee (Nigeria)

I’d like to thank my daughter for finding Nemo — then eating him

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As I mentioned earlier this week, I’m one of 11 nominees for Performance of the Year at The Public Blogger. While I’d like to believe it’s based on my body of work as a humorist (not the first time I’ve been told I have a funny looking body) I must recognize the fact that, had my daughter not eaten “Nemo,” I probably wouldn’t be here today. It was my third Freshly Pressed post and, by far, got the most responses. And not just from PETA. It helped put me on the Public Blogger radar — which is why I chose to include it as part of my first submission requirement to be voted on by the general public this Monday, Oct. 12 (details to come.)

We were also asked to explain, in one paragraph or less, what our art means to us (above). In truth, it really just says, “Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah… plus I get cookies.” I threw in the other stuff to sound intellectual. Continue reading I’d like to thank my daughter for finding Nemo — then eating him

Want to help kids at St. Judes? Drink your broccoli soda

image As I’m sure you can imagine, being a humor columnist, I am constantly working up a sweat. In fact, I can already feel perspiration forming. By the end of this paragraph, I will be a drippy, sweat-stained mess. Most people don’t know it can take hours to finish a column.

The reason has nothing to do with procrastination, writer’s block or even the ability to Google history of Star Wars universe; many of us humor columnists simply become too sweaty to operate our keyboards without sliding off and potentially endangering ourselves and others. Newsrooms everywhere understand this, which is why we are often placed in special cubicles that are refrigerated.

Or at the very least equipped with a drain pan.

Yet somehow, beverage companies continue to overlook us as potential thirst-quenching icons when developing trendy ad campaigns. Chances are, you’ll never see a commercial featuring a humor columnist at a keyboard with green Gatorade streaming out of every pore in his body. Or witness a humor columnist emerge from a droplet of Propel fitness water and do a back flip out of an office chair (which we often do, by the way, sometimes for no reason at all.) Continue reading Want to help kids at St. Judes? Drink your broccoli soda

Things have a way of working out. Unless it involves me and the gym

The only way I'll do push-ups.
Sort of like doing a workout with Dolly Parton.
Forgive me for I have sinned: It’s been nearly two months since my last workout.

That was my thought as I entered the gym last week, ready to pay my penance in the company of those who’d kept the faith in my absence. I had my moves planned: enter quickly, cut left and directly into the weight room, bypassing the front desk and the gym’s owner — a possible “confessional” situation.

But of course I couldn’t be that lucky.

“Hey there, Ned!”

I stopped in mid-stride; so close to the pivot that would’ve carried me to freedom. “Hey, Jim,” I said, smiling meekly. Apologetically.

Jim leaned forward on the desk, dressed in his usual sweatpants and T-shirt lightly stained with perspiration after a 50-minute aerobics workout that trimmed his ballooning body fat from .08 down to .05. He looked at me and folded his hands together on the desktop, as if ready to pray for me. “Haven’t seen you for a while.” Continue reading Things have a way of working out. Unless it involves me and the gym