Tag: publishing

Media fervor intensifies over new addition to… The Door

The Door: Sentinel of journalistic history, barrier to the commode.
The Door: Sentinel of journalistic history, barrier to the commode.
As expected, the lull in attention from major news outlets seeking an exclusive on The Door didn’t last. Morley Safer has resumed faxing images of his rear, which were mistaken for amateur photos of the moon’s surface until Misty, our front office person, noted that the moon doesn’t have trees. And now that his back has recovered from lifting a Sparkletts water bottle while disguised as delivery man in order to gain access to our newsroom, Keith Morrison has returned to his old tricks; today, he dressed as a meter reader for the local power company and blew the main breaker when his hidden camera fell into the power box.

Because of this kind of intense pressure, I was forced to leave the newsroom and post this week’s edition of The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) after business hours and away from the office at an undisclosed bar location.

Why the sudden resurgence in media attention? I mean in addition to the fact that The Door is home to the best and worst examples of journalism since reporters at Siuslaw News began taping clippings to The Door nearly four decades ago in an effort to preserve journalistic history while simultaneously insulating the bathroom door?

For the same reason Barbara Walters left a threatening message calling me a “Diswespectful Wittle Bwat” on my voicemail: Because word got out that today is going to be special. Continue reading Media fervor intensifies over new addition to… The Door

Yes, I pretty much did my own stunts for this book cover

image As with firefighting, when it came to creating my book cover, I insisted on doing my own stunts. In this case, it meant gripping the top of a race car speeding in excess of 120 mph while simultaneously — and this was the tricky part — not messing up my hair. Oh, and I also had to hold up a cardboard sign with my free hand. We considered the idea of holding the sign between my teeth, but that idea was scrapped on the first attempt after driving through a cloud of mosquitos…

OK, fine. None of that really happened. But I would almost rather risk my life on the hood of a speeding car with a mouth full of mosquitos than promote my book, which I’ll be doing for the first time this weekend at a local book festival. It’s not that I’m one of those authors who likes to write about — but who doesn’t like being around — actual people. In fact, I am very much a people person. Not in a Hannibal Lector kind of way, but because I truly enjoy talking with and meeting new people. My anxiety over attending the book festival also has nothing to do with any fear of talking in front of large crowd, or in my case, a handful of strangers looking for the restroom as I read excerpts from my book. The truth is, I volunteer as a host for several community fundraising events each year, so being in front of a crowd — or even several confused strangers — isn’t the issue.

So what is? Continue reading Yes, I pretty much did my own stunts for this book cover

Zombie apocalypse or writing world: survival skills are essentially the same

image Before we get to this week’s Nickels Worth on Writing, I have been told by the U.S. Postal Service that sending me your nickels taped to postcards is not acceptable. Apparently, it really messes with the sorting machines, which mistakenly re-direct them to the “Clothes for Miley Cyrus Fund.” So, until we get this figured out, hold on to your nickels; my NWOW is on the house!

Does that mean my advice, gleaned from 15 years as a columnist and referred to by some of today’s most influential writers as “the fertilizer in the garden of writing,” will be any less insightful?

Of course not.

Money or no money, I promise you my weekly advice could not be any less insightful — which is why authors like Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, John Grisham and E.L. James receive this post in their spam email every Friday, and why this weekly feature was recognized by Writers Digest magazine as “One of the few blogs that illustrates, with absolute clarity, why writers such as Hemingway became alcoholics.” Continue reading Zombie apocalypse or writing world: survival skills are essentially the same

Keith Morrison, Barbara Walters and others continue to seek… The Door

The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) is both sentinel of sacred journalistic history, and protector of commode users.
The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) is both sentinel of sacred journalistic history, and protector of commode users.
Since last week’s posting of The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance), I have received hundreds of emails from concerned readers asking if we followed up on the tip, which was about a potential murderer staying at a local hotel, brought to us by a woman who said she heard “murdering noises” from the room above her, and that, as our office girl Misty noted: “I think she was hearing them again while standing in our office lobby.”

And as it turns out, all 358 emails were from NBC Dateline’s Keith Morrison who, like countless other television correspondents, is seeking an exclusive to The Door in our newsroom. It was actually Misty who made the realization that Morrison was behind all the emails when, while checking our general voicemail box, she heard the message: Just checking to see if you got all the eeeemails I sent. This is an anonymous call by the wayyyyy.

“Hey,” said Misty, “isn’t that the creepy guy from Dateline Mysteries?”

So as it stands, The Door remains safe from Morrison, as well as Barbara Walters, Geraldo Rivera, Morley Safer and Anderson Cooper, each of whom has taken a crack at getting the exclusive to what Diane Sawyer described as “An awe-inspiring body of journalism… which reminds me, where’s Chris Cuomo?” Continue reading Keith Morrison, Barbara Walters and others continue to seek… The Door

Occasionally, you need to write naked… or at least out of your comfort zone

Writing naked is a great way to challenge yourself. It can also get you a private cubicle.
Writing naked is a great way to challenge yourself. It can also get you a private cubicle.
That unmistakable sound of jingling pocket change on Friday can only mean one thing: It’s time for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing! Unless Friday is your laundry day. Or the day you treat yourself to breakfast from the vending machine at work.

But let’s assume you’re here for my weekly writing tip, which is offered up from 15 years as a newspaper columnist. And let’s further assume that kind of writing pedigree was extremely impressive. Then you would understand why some of today’s most respected fictional writers and equally fictional educators have referred to my NWOW as:

Advice you’d expect from someone who is indeed a professional. Wait, I said in need of a professional…

and

Required reading for my students whenever I’m mad at them or too hung over to actually teach…

Admittedly, I am a bit embarrassed. Not only by those gushing accolades, but also because I am writing this post while naked — which brings us to this week’s Nickel’s Worth. At this moment, you’re probably asking yourself, “Why is he writing naked?!” Unless of course — and this is understandable — you didn’t actually notice. I should clarify the sum of 5 cents and my being naked aren’t related. At least not directly. What I will say is this: If I were a stripper, I would be the only one with a change belt instead of a money pouch. And we’ll just leave it at that. Continue reading Occasionally, you need to write naked… or at least out of your comfort zone

Four members every good writers’ group should avoid

image If you are at this very moment digging between the couch cushions for coins, or replacing the Tooth Fairy change under your child’s pillow for an “IOU,” then you already know it’s time for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing.

OK, sure. It could also mean you’re short on cash for a Starbuck’s, or trying to scrounge up gas money for your morning commute. Whatever the reason, please stop immediately because this week’s NWOW is on the house.

That’s right! You can save your nickel towards that next mocha Grande!

I realize some of you are looking at me as if to say:

Is this going to be like the time I “won” a free getaway weekend and ended up buying a time share in Rotgut, Alabama?

No. I assure you this week’s Nickel’s Worth is absolutely free. So don’t bother taping that nickel to a post card and sending it in. Why? Because last week many of you were left standing nickel-in-hand after I failed to get my post up. This has never happened to me before. Although many of you told me it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, and that it happens to everyone from time to time, it’s never happened to me — and I felt the least I could do is offer an apology with a complementary look at my NWOW. Continue reading Four members every good writers’ group should avoid

It’s my 47th birthday and the excitement is tangible

As you can see, these kids who crashed my birthday party can barely contain their enthusiasm.
As you can see, these kids who crashed my birthday party can barely contain their enthusiasm.
This week’s edition of Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing is brought to you by a 47-year-old man! [Please note the exclamation point! (Hey, there’s another one!)] Why am I excited about this? And why am I not calling in sick while lining up shot glasses on the kitchen table?!? Because, in addition to my birthday falling on an NWOW Friday, I feel GREAT!

I’m in my PRIME!

And I want the whole world to know how, through positive thinking and the repetitious use of exclamation points, you can believe it too!!

To celebrate, I dressed in my favorite AC/DC T-shirt, jeans and smokey grey Vans. Oh, and Dos Equis underwear. Um, to clarify, those are underneath my jeans, not on top (I haven’t had that much to drink). I also took a moment to record the occasion for posterity by taking a photo. Which isn’t to say I took a picture of my butt. But I did stand next to the only other thing in our newsroom older than me (until my editor gets here), which is The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance). Continue reading It’s my 47th birthday and the excitement is tangible

If you want to be a writer, you really need to talk to someone

image Yes, it’s true: Friday is finally here! And so is Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, both of which are awaited for with equal amounts of anticipation! Just like French toast and mustard; your favorite TV show and a power outage; or a great hair day and tornado warning. Why so much anticipation? Because this weekly feature on writing, culled from my 15 years as a columnist and presented to readers for a mere nickel, has been referred to by Consumer Reports as “worth every penny, unless it’s Canadian.” That’s right. Many of today’s most influential writers got their start right HERE. Or at least in this general vicinity, most definitely somewhere on the planet. Here’s what some of them have to say… (and by “them,” I mean some of the greatest fictitious writers of our time):

“I set my clock by his post. Without it, I wouldn’t know when my Matlock reruns come on…”

“Each week, he offers an oyster with a pearl inside. And each week I say to myself, ‘shuck it.'”

“If you have writing questions, Ned’s Nickel’s Worth has answers. Just not about writing…”

The accolades go on, but enough of that! Let’s get to this week’s edition of Ned’s NWOW, brought to you by this yesterday’s coffee, today’s deadline and my friends at Gliterary Girl, where my NWOW also appears each week. At least until they change the passcode… Continue reading If you want to be a writer, you really need to talk to someone

… This Just In …

image

…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our news room…]

It’s Friday. A deadline day. Tomorrow’s readers will benefit from today’s laser-like focus in our newsroom — plus whatever it is I do. Today, in addition to the normal pressures and distractions that accompany a deadline day, such as a phone call from the local bridge club or the unexpected arrival of free donuts, I have THIS to contend with… Continue reading … This Just In …

… This Just In …

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…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our news room…]

As our editor passes through the newsroom, a reporter looks up from her computer screen.

Reporter: “Have you assigned anyone to cover the Psychic Fair this weekend?”

Editor: “I was thinking about doing it.”

Reporter: “Really?”

Editor: “No, not really. And you’re obviously not psychic, so it won’t be you.”

Me: [remaining quiet and still]

Editor: “This sounds like you’re beat.”

Me: [Dropping back in my chair] “Really? Why me?”

Editor: “How did you know I meant you? Obviously you must be psychic. Therefore it’s your assignment.”

Me: “I think my life line just shrank.”

Editor: “You should get that looked at while you’re there.”

(Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. You can write to him at nhickson@thesiuslawnews.com, or at Siuslaw News, P.O. Box 10, Florence, Ore. 97439)