I told her I was a big fan and extremely flattered but, “No.”
To which she replied, “DWOP DEAD!” and hung up.
So what is The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) exactly? Quite literally, it is a living, breathing piece of journalistic history assembled over 40 years by reporters here at Siuslaw News. That said, it’s no mere coincidence that the other side of The Door leads to the commode, where those same reporters have been depositing a different kind of history — and where, in a fitting twist, nothing living can breathe.
Today, we have a new first on The Door: a two-part clipping, meaning that whoever put this piece together has earned the coveted “Twin Globes of Shame” award, which is named in part because of its rare “two-shames-in-one” distinction, and partly because the trophy once belonged to a failed cosmetic surgeon.
But as regular readers of this weekly feature know, we must first embark on a ritual that followers of The Door have practiced through the centuries, at least in dog years, meaning we must now join hands and, in a monotoned voice similar to Kristen Stewart’s dialogue coach, repeat the following:
The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism
Today’s clipping comes from the upper right corner of The Door. It was taken from The Bend Bulletin in Bend, Ore., in 1998, in an article that first stood out because of its headline, which demonstrated the expert use of an economy of words while, simultaneously, relaying painfully obvious information …
Yet upon further investigation, this well-intentioned article aimed at providing tips to surviving winter’s freezing temperatures reveals what happens when your proof reader has already frozen to death without anyone knowing…
And there you have it. Now if you’ll excuse me, Barbara Walters is calling again.
Ned's Blog 
You turned Baba Wawa down? You’re my hero!!
I think that’s “He-woh” 😉
Face-pwant. Oh, siwwy me!
HaHaHaHa! I want to make a t-shirt with Elmer Fudd landing face-first, with “Face-Pwant!” in huge letters 🙂
DO it!!!
I wonder if Bawbwa cwaps hewself in a bwanket to keep wawm?? Maybe she should call Kristen Stewarts’ dialogue coach!! Awesomeness….once again! (no raspberries were harmed during the reading of this post,but only because I haven’t had breakfast!)
LOL!!
All I know is that I don’t want to cwean up whatever Babawa might cwap, especially if precwuded by a wasbewy…
The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism and giving us a hint of the crap that lurks behind.
I don’t think the proof reader missed anything. Crapping yourself does work in a pinch (pun intended).
Remind me to never borrow your muff.
This might be the first time I am completely without a response… that I can give in pubic.
Either way, I’ll find a way to keep my hands warm.
I nether wood have guessed.
I can’t quite place your accent… Somewhere in the Nether Region?
Close. The Virgin Island.
HAHAHAHA! People are looking and I don’t care.
♫ Jimmy crapped corn and I don’t care ♫
I’m pretty sure that would mean Jimmy’s not a virgin anymore.
But he’s warm.
Probably why he’s not a virgin, not the other way around.
Oh HENRY!!!!!!!
You’ve never cwapped yourself in a bwanket? Excuse me, Barbara is now calling me….I agreed to the interview you passed up. SBYL. SORRY BOUT YA LUCK.
Go ahead. Wub it in.
I will.
You can always say you were fwirst.
But you turned her down. So…
Rut RO rel Roy.
WOOT WOOT
Fine.
And a “Rooby Rooby Roo!” to you, too 😉
Awe. Don’t get so huffed.
Is that from Scooby Doo!?
I don’t know that language.
I know Jetsons.
And don’t go all Star Trek on me.
HaHaHa! Yeah, I was a big Scooby and Jetsons fan. I wanted Astro for my dog really badly when I was a kid. My Boxer didn’t quite fit the bill. Even with the space collar I made her.
Hell.
I want Rosie NOW.
I’m sure there’s a creepy guy somewhere out there who feels the same way about Jane…
Hahahahahahahaha
Or creepy girl.
I’m glad you went there so I didn’t have to. And let’s agree right now to leave Elroy out of this.
Done. With tears rolling down my face. And legs.
My favorite part is holding hands before we all jump on the jagged rocks of journalism.
I’m getting rid of all the blankets before I get too old so I won’t have to worry about crap in them.
I like that part, too, although I usually get stuck with the person who has sweaty hands. And good plan on the blankets. I’d do they same with any Snuggy you might have, too — just to be safe 😉
“crap yourself in a blanket”?!! My water polo coach said all we could do was pee in the pool if we got cold, but the crap was restricted to the restroom, LOL.
Weird, our swimming coach said we could pee to stay warm but that “Baby Ruth Bars” could be used for a floatation device. I only lasted a week.
Hahahaha! “Baby Ruth Bars”!! I would have not lasted till he took his next breath lol. But we did pee… the heater was always broken
It kind of sounds like the “water heaters” were working fine! Lol! That could explain why he always filled all of you with Gatorade before you went into the pool 😉 and then “went” into the pool… 😉
I’m just mad that I have to wait until I’m old to crap myself in a blanket and have it be recommended by my doctor. Lame.
I think just like those people with therapy pets, you can get a special prescription.
It’s a natural fuel source and burns for hours as a heat source )
I’d say let’s market it and we’d be rich, but I think getting the patent rights would be tough.
Crap myself in a blanket?? I guess it would make it warmer for a little while, but wow. . GROSS!! lol
Yeah, I still prefer my electric blanket which, in my opinion, is still more environmentally friendly than the self-crapping method.
At some point I would feel the need to WIPE with the blanket, and that would kind of defeat the purpose. lol
You definitely don’t want to wipe with an electric blanket. 😉
The second article almost made me wrap myself.
Thanks for that. Just so you know, now I won’t be having the Subway chicken caesar crap for lunch.
Sorry. I’ll hold off my commenting until after you’re done with your lunch.
I thought about going a whole different direction and having breakfast for lunch, but someone ordered Pigs in a Blanket…
I just crapped myself in my office!
I really hope you had a good blanket 😉