As I mentioned last Sunday, I have somehow ended up among a group of men ranked as “The Sexiest” on The Public Blogger’s international stage of artists known and The Neighborhood.
I know what you’re thinking: There goes The Neighborhood.
But the fact that I’ve reached the top six out of 100 men just goes to show that Trump’s campaign may not be the strangest thing we’ve seen this year. For example, with two rounds remaining, I am somehow ranked 1st after Sunday’s round of competition: “Sexy Poetry.” I’d like to say it’s because of my command of love language and ability to create sexually charged imagery that makes the heart beat faster; I’d like to say it’s because my machismo transcends the written word and internal passion that each of us carries, just waiting to be ignited; I’d like to say something really sexy right now but as you can see it’s not working.
What I CAN say is that I appreciate all the votes and support. Unlike when I was part of A Star is Born, I’m just having fun with this one and seeing what happens. Partly because competing under the moniker of being “sexy” honestly makes me uncomfortable. Besides, if you’ve seen me in that red thong, you know why I’m a humor columnist instead of an underwear model. However, if there’s an opportunity to demonstrate the value and importance of humor — whether as an art form among other types of artists, or to offer a different perspective on the definition of “sexiness” — I’ll do my best to represent it.
At least until I get caught.
For those of you who contacted me to apologize for not voting because you didn’t know about it, I truly appreciate that — but please don’t apologize! I purposely haven’t talked about it much here because I want to keep my blog what it is: a place to come have a laugh. Possible two, if I’m really on my game. I don’t want any of you to come here feeling like it’s a headquarters for my “sexiness campaign.”
That’s what my bedroom is for *cough cough*
Anyway, if you’d like to follow me during the last two rounds, there will be posts on my Facebook page. Otherwise, I’ll only be posting a few brief updates here.
That being said, I mentioned the latest round required writing sexy poetry. I knew I needed to tap (see what I did there?) into something that stirs my emotional and physical passion without also embarrassing my wife. Apparently, people felt it had a lot of sizzle…
This poem really saved my bacon…
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Ned's Blog 
LOL! Congratulations.
Bacon is very sexy. So is possessing the remote control. At least that’s what my husband says. All I have to do is hand him the remote control and plate of bacon and he’ll hand me complete world domination. It’s win/win for both of us. 🙂
Haha! Sounds like a fair trade to me 😉
Hum, a question on ‘The Family Feud’ game show was “What flavor should a woman’s lipstick be to make a man kiss her?” So… It’s BACON! Who knew?
Oh, I definitely knew, Shiela… 😉
Thanks Heavens!
I don’t know what we’d do without your bacon, Ned…
Thanks, Robert. I’m just trying to avoid become thick cut.
You and me both, buddy.
I trust the beautiful Alicia doesn’t mind that I love you dearly. Pretty sure she doesn’t, because my love derives from laughing at you. In all the best ways, of course. ❤
Whew! Saved your bacon that time. You haven’t lived until you have tried Maple bacon – bacon flavored with Maple Syrup. Ross can elaborate as he lives in Maple sugar country.
I’ve had my share of that delicious creation living in Georgia, along with brown sugar bacon… Damn, just drooled on my keyboard. Again…
LOVE LOVE LOVE!! It’s AWESOME!!!!!! 😀
Bacon has that effect on people 😉
Ned… About the only thing sexier then a big plate of warm sweet and smoky bacon,(and you)… Would be a big plate of bacon heartily dipped in delicious, melt in your mouth, sweet smelling, velvety milk chocolate!!! I know my honey is getting a big heart shaped tin next Valentine’s Day and inside wrapped in pretty piggy paper will be…. You got it… Bacon dipped in different flavored good old fashioned Belgian or creamy swiss milk chocolate!!! He already have his heart to me… Hopefully my gift WON’T give him a heart attack!!!
Keep up the poetry…. it really is some sexy stuff…. Mmmmmm bacon how I love thee
Judy, even if he does have a heart attack, what a way to go…
Congratulations!! I am not surprised at all. Bacon and Ned go together like Fr. Robert and Fruitcake 🙂
Thanks for keeping us posted – I’m a Facebook vacation for a couple of weeks – it’s free and no sunscreen required 🙂
Thanks, Michelle — and for the record, Facebook vacations are the best 😉 Have fun, with or without the fruitcake. But bacon is required…
That’s the best poem I’ve read in years. It’s also possibly the only poem I’ve read in years, but surely that’s even more of an accolade!
What a coincidence, Piper! It’s the first poem I’ve written in years! In both our cases, I credit the bacon 😉 Good to see you, btw!
I’ve been mia but I’m working my way back in
Glad to hear it, Piper. Welcome back nice and slowly 😉
Now. Let me get this straight, when you say… “I’ll only be posting a few brief updates here.” … will said updates include pictures of you modelling these briefs?
Ha! Not if I want to keep my “G” rating on this blog 😉
i’d like to call you the baconator
I’m ok with that.
I knew the poem was about Alicia from the beginning, but when did you start calling her “Bacon”???
Haha! Actually, she’s my little “Tocina.”
I heard bacon..
Congrats…yay for bacon and humor. 🙂
My two favorite things… After my wife 😉
It’s called ‘pandering’…
As long as there’s bacon involved, I can live with that…
Mmmmm….. panda bacon…
Oops, I must have landed here in error. I was sure I was coming to visit the headquarters for sexiness campaign. 🙂
hahahaha you’re hilarious!
Nice we crack each other up! LOL 🙂
OMG, seriously…BACON????????? ALWAYS bacon!
Sorry… It was as sexy as I can get.
lol, at least you made me snort my drink out. That was fun!
Talk about sexy…! Lol!
Have you seen my newsletter profile? I am the height of sexy p[ahahahaha NOT!