I had the privilege of being asked to participate in an online comedy event. Now it’s too late for them to change their minds! I hope you’ll stop in and heckle me by throwing popcorn at your monitor. The Comedy Show will feature Jess Clackum, Rich Green, Jean Marc Toledano and Me on Sunday, March 30, 12:01 a.m. (PST) only at thepublicblogger.com.
Tag: humor
I need to actively clarify my passive writing advice
Listen closely…
There it is again! Did you hear it that time? All the whistling and excited hollering? That’s the sound of people who have just realized it’s Friday! Now, keep listening as I remind them that, in addition to being the end of the work week, it’s also time for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing!
* clears throat *
“HEY, EVERYONE! It’s time for my NWOW!”
* distant sound of baby crying *
See what I mean? Obviously, everyone is busy getting online! For those who might be visiting for the first time, I should explain that my Nickel’s Worth is when I open myself like an oyster and share pearls of writing wisdom gained from 15 years as a shucking columnist. It’s a weekly feature that has been called “…insightful,” “…thought provoking,” “…life changing,” and “…Suspected in several cases of food-borne illness.”
But enough with the accolades! Continue reading I need to actively clarify my passive writing advice
Static in your marriage can lead to poor TV reception
It’s time for another exciting edition of Post Traumatic Sunday, which are posts written during my first marriage. None have appeared on this blog before, and only a couple were included in my book. Please understand that this is not about venting or vindictiveness; I was simply someone dealing with an unhappy marriage in the best way I knew how: Through humor.
Eight years later, I am happily re-married (ridiculously so) and constantly inspired to laugh for the right reasons.
Now we can all laugh together…
* * * * * * * *
After getting the kids to bed last night, my wife and I settled onto the couch for some much-needed down time only to find that our television was having transmission problems — beginning with the remote. My wife is the only one in our family qualified to operate it. Being a male, the longer I fool with it the further I revert along the evolutionary scale, until I’m reduced to beating the remote on the coffee table like a chimp trying to open a Super Ball. Continue reading Static in your marriage can lead to poor TV reception
Writers: Battle passive voice like a Jedi! (not counting Yoda)
Don’t bother tapping your watches! It really IS time for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, a weekly feature written by a writer, for writers, that is occasionally mistaken as insightful. NWOW is when I utilize my 15 years as a newspaper columnist to offer writing advice that Hunger Games author Suzanne Collins has called “…a literary appetite suppressant,” and what Simon & Schuster recently credited with “The inspiration behind streamlining our rejection letters.”
But enough with the accolades!
This week, we will be talking about “passive voice.” To clarify, this is not when, after having too many margaritas at your favorite Mexican restaurant, someone tells you to stop showing everyone your flauta. Continue reading Writers: Battle passive voice like a Jedi! (not counting Yoda)
A woman’s ability to remember is only equalled by… oh heck, I forget
It’s time for this week’s edition of Post Traumatic Sunday, which are posts involving my ex-wife. None of them have appeared on this blog before, and only a couple were included in my book. Though none of these posts will be mean-spirited or vindictive, I was someone doing his best to deal with an unhappy marriage through humor.
Eight years later, I am happily re-married (my friends are sick of hearing about it, actually) and constantly inspired to laugh for the right reasons.
Now we can laugh together…
* * * * * * * *
Thanks to an exciting discovery published by the National Academy of Sciences, we’re one step closer to understanding an important, fundamental difference between men and women — which is that women have better memories, particularly when it comes to remembering why they’re mad at their husbands.
This earth-shattering discovery was made by psychology professors at Stony Brook University in New York, the same university that brought us groundbreaking data on the yawning habits of the domesticated yak. Continue reading A woman’s ability to remember is only equalled by… oh heck, I forget
Celebrating a year of somewhat questionable writing advice
Welcome to a special Anniversary Edition of Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing! It was a year ago this week that the first edition of my weekly NWOW was completely overlooked heralded by Writer’s Digest as “A literary hazard cone…” and by Publisher’s Weekly as “Our measuring stick for excellent writing, if we were on the metric system.” As if that weren’t enough, I received a congratulatory email this morning from The Master of Horror® Stephen King:
I consider myself an expert on corpses, so you can believe me when I say your body of work speaks for itself.”
High praise indeed.
But enough accolades! It’s time to prepare yourself. Why? Because in just a few moments I will push the button on a special remote, releasing balloons and confetti on you! That’s right! While you were sleeping, special crews (most of which were licensed, bonded and documented citizens) were busy installing compartments of spring-loaded balloons and confetti in your ceiling! And you thought it was creepy rats! Haha! So count down with me as we prepare to release balloons and confetti on 3,432 folks, some of whom don’t read this blog regularly and will be totally freaked out! Continue reading Celebrating a year of somewhat questionable writing advice
… This Just In …
…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…
[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our newsroom…]
Being a journalist at a small newspaper means, in addition to writing stories and taking photos, you also layout and build the pages. And clean the toilets. But for purposes of this post, we’ll stick to this afternoon’s page-building incident, which began when I made a “filler ad” to take up a tiny space on the page too small for anything else… Continue reading … This Just In …
When it comes to looking ahead, look no further than your behind
You should be aware that the idea of promoting an important issue through a week of “National Awareness” has gotten… How can I put this tactfully..?
Really stupid.
There was a time when, in order to command the attention of our entire country for a whole week, you actually needed to have an issue that was important. It needed to be something that could save lives, improve society or, at the very least, boost the sale of Hallmark cards.
But not anymore.
I say this because, as you may or may not know, we’re in the middle of “National Psychic Week.” What? You didn’t know? Don’t worry! There’s actually another one in August. That’s the good news. The bad news is that there’s a good chance you are not psychic. According to one website, the purpose of each week-long focus is to: “dispel skepticism [of psychics] through factual awareness.”
Thanks to an article that appeared in the Eugene Register-Guard, I have a better understanding of how it might take an entire week to dispel all that skepticism — especially after reading about Ulf Buck, a blind psychic from Meldorf, Germany, who claims he can read people’s futures by feeling their naked buttocks. Continue reading When it comes to looking ahead, look no further than your behind
Who knew navigating heavy traffic meant being in the right hemisphere?
Welcome to this week’s edition of Post Traumatic Sunday, which are all posts involving my ex-wife. None of them have appeared on this blog before, and only a couple were included in my book. Though none of these posts will be mean-spirited or vindictive, it’s easy to recognize I was someone coping with an unhappy marriage through humor. Eight years later, I am happily re-married (ridiculously so) and inspired to write — and laugh — for the right reasons.
Finally, we can all laugh together…
* * * * * *
It’s a well-known fact that men and women think differently. This is because of the right and left hemispheres of the brain. While women tend to rely on the more creative, right hemisphere of the brain, which is responsible for verbal skills and abstract thoughts, men favor the more technical left side of the brain, which is mainly reserved for thoughts of sports and beer. Continue reading Who knew navigating heavy traffic meant being in the right hemisphere?
The night my rump was roasted — a hindsight retrospective
“A complete…time.”
And
“(Not a)…waste…”
Or as The Master of Horror® Stephen King calls it, “My lawyer’s first stop every morning.”
But enough with the accolades! For those who might be visiting for the first time, I’d like to welcome you! I’d also like a note from your mother explaining where you’ve been. Please have it by next Friday. Or like my kids, just wait, knowing I’ll probably have forgotten by then. Although I do eventually remember who they are. Continue reading The night my rump was roasted — a hindsight retrospective
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