Tag: writing

But seriously, folks…Thank you

image Some time between Friday night and Saturday morning, it happened. And let me just say the last time something this exciting happened while I was asleep, I was 11 years old.

In both cases, we’re talking about a personal milestone; although in this case I didn’t have a talk from my Dad the next morning about my reproductive system. No, this milestone is particularly important because it has come as a result of sharing it with you — which was another talk my Dad had with me, but again doesn’t apply here.

Last night, blogger Jim O’Sullivan at GingerFightBack, which is an extremely important blog dedicated to the plight of redheads, i.e. “gingers,” officially became my 1,000th follower. This, as you can imagine, comes with many fringe benefits, such as entry into the WordPress executive lounge at any Greyhound bus station, membership in the Prolific Speller Club, and a free iTunes download of the John Denver classic “Follow Me.” Continue reading But seriously, folks…Thank you

Following up with self-proclaimed best-selling author Ima Knowitall!

image With the release of her highly anticipated online novel Time-Traveling Vampires of Love just a few days away, I held little hope of getting a second interview with Ima Knowitall when I called her private number this morning. As I mentioned in my first interview, she is the author of more than 40 online novels this past year, and has received multiple awards, including the coveted Prolific Speller Award, the Hemmingway Award for “longest run-on sentence of 2012 and 2013” (same sentence) and, most recently, was honored by the Society of Illiterate Columnists (SIC) for her contributions to “…the advancement of people who write without the shackles of proper grammar.”

Despite knowing I had almost no chance of landing a second interview with an author of Knowitall’s caliber on the eve of her latest release, the fact that she had given me her private number meant I had to at least try. During our initial interview a month ago at a nondescript Del Taco location, she explained that her secret phone number is part of an elaborate system of security measures to protect her from hoards of overzealous paparazzi and fans. Nervously, I called the number and was ready when a man who identified himself as “Shizzle” answered from what sounded like the inside of a phone booth. Continue reading Following up with self-proclaimed best-selling author Ima Knowitall!

… This Just In …

image

…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our news room…]

Editor: “Did anyone get a photo of the Coast Guard retrieving the diving mannequin that sank after its head popped off?”

Jenna: “I was there covering the boat show and got one with my camera phone.”

Editor: “Great. Let’s do a photo with a deep cutline. Any ideas on what to put?”

Me: “How about, ‘Coast Guard exercise demonstrates why it’s important to not loose your head when drowning?”

Editor: “Get out.”

The photo in question, documenting the importance of keeping your head in the event of drowning. Especially if you are made of heavy plastic.
The photo in question, documenting the importance of keeping your head in the event of drowning. Especially if you are made of heavy plastic.

Join hundreds of journalists who use… The Door

The Door is Oregon's equivalent to a journalistic Smithsonian. Pretty much.
The Door is Oregon’s equivalent to a journalistic Smithsonian. Pretty much.
While it’s true The Door is a weekly feature written by a journalist, about journalism, and inspired by clippings taped to a 50-year-old door that shields real journalists from dangerous emissions from a mostly-working commode located in an actual newsroom, it is — like the commode itself — available for anyone to enjoy! That’s because The Door does not judge. It does not discriminate. It does not prejudge.

It also does not seal properly, but that’s beside the point.

As regular followers of this feature know, The Door celebrates the best and worst in journalism since the 1970s, when reporters here at the Siuslaw News taped the first erroneous clipping to The Door in an effort to highlight the “shame, blame and brilliance” of journalism, as well as cover a fist-sized hole in The Door that, while a handy pass-through for toilet paper, made decorum nearly impossible.

Think of The Door as the Oregon Coast equivalent of a journalistic Smithsonian, except without all the pompous credibility and historic distinction. Journalist or not, join us now as we travel back to 1999, when Eugene’s Register-Guard printed a report from the Associated Press that falls under the rare “brilliance” category of The Door. Continue reading Join hundreds of journalists who use… The Door

Tips to jump-start your writing (unless you’re in Arkansas)

They say change is good, especially if there’s a nickel involved. Why a nickel? Because that’s all you need each Friday for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing! For newcomers, this is the day I share my collective wisdom from 15 years as a columnist and share it with you, at half the price of my hourly wage! Here are a just a couple of testimonials from regular readers of Ned’s NWOW…

“I discovered this website totally by accident — I haven’t slept since”
“Thanks to what I’ve learned from Ned’s NWOW, I’m now pursuing a rewarding career cleaning hazard cones!”

Enough accolades! Let’s get to it…

image There’s nothing quite like staring at a blank page, knowing that with a few strokes of the keyboard you will transform a landscape devoid of life into a living, breathing thing of your own creation. There’s also nothing quite like finishing that fourth cup of coffee only to find that same blank page staring back at you. Sure, you may have typed several sentences — or maybe even the same sentence several times — in hopes of gaining some kind of momentum to carry you over that first hump, but the cursor repeatedly stalls out in the same spot, leaving you with the same blank page after riding the “delete” button back to the beginning.

That’s why it’s called a “cursor.” Continue reading Tips to jump-start your writing (unless you’re in Arkansas)

I swear I’m not an ungrateful jerk…

image I’d like to preface this post by saying, on the surface at least, I would appear to be an awards-receiving schmuck in the eyes of my fellow bloggers — so many of whom I admire and am inspired by on a daily basis. Yet in spite of this, I have successfully been unresponsive to six awards since March, which began when newly-christened grandmother Marcia at Bookin’ It presented me with the lovely “Shine On” award. A week later, National Harold-Gazette included me on its list of “15 Very Inspiring Bloggers” which, I suspect, came as a result of my repeated failed attempts to add a Facebook link to my account without crashing the entire WordPress platform.

As I sat at my desk the next day feeling both appreciative and humbled by the nods from fellow bloggers, Reflections of a Single Girl, who has educated me about modern single life with a mix of whimsy, wit and WTF, graciously awarded me my second Liebster. At that point, I was already teetering on the brink of feeling overwhelmed by the need to respond with something brilliant to no fewer than three bloggers and 35 personal questions. At most, there are four interesting things about myself, three of which took place before I was conceived. Continue reading I swear I’m not an ungrateful jerk…

Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on… Gumbo?

image I know what you’re thinking. But we can’t talk about that without changing the rating on this blog. So instead, we’ll talk about what I’m thinking, which is how I failed you this morning. For those loyal readers who checked for this week’s edition of Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, I’d like to apologize to the both of you. The good news, however, is that you won’t have to cough up a nickel this week; the bad news is that I will not be dispensing any sagely advice, although I did use a pinch of sage while spending the day in the firehouse kitchen making gumbo, dirty rice and chocolate lava cake for the annual firehouse cook-off tomorrow.

The other bad news is that if you literally have been coughing up a nickel each week, stop immediately and go see your physician.

In order to take today day off from the newspaper, I had to work approximately 42 hours, seven minutes and 13 seconds yesterday to finish what I would normally achieve in eight hours. Stephen Hawking, if you’re out there, please explain the science behind this phenomenon. Especially when you consider that seven of those hours are spent getting/drinking coffee, using the restroom and getting/drinking more coffee. As a result, I didn’t have time to write this week’s NWOW. Continue reading Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on… Gumbo?

A glimpse of the zombie apocalypse on… The Door

The Door, in all its journalistic glory, as long as no one is flushing on the other side.
The Door, in all its journalistic glory, as long as no one is flushing on the other side.
Because we’re a smaller paper, many people don’t realize the Siuslaw News was the first to break the story on an impending zombie apocalypse, as this week’s edition of The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) will prove.

For those of you who are joining us for the first time, quite possibly because you have been preparing for the zombie hoard after seeing the people who shop at Wal-Mart after 10 p.m., The Door is an actual door in our newsroom where journalists at the Siuslaw News have been taping, tacking and, in some cases, using unidentified adhesives, to glorify the best and worst newspaper items since the 1970s. The Door is a journalist’s Mecca of sorts, to which we face each Tuesday and reverently ask The Great Editor:

How could yet let this happen?!?

Before we look upon The Door, we must follow a sacred ritual passed from generation to generation, beginning with this one, in which we join hands and repeat the following phrase in a monotoned voice similar to actors in a church youth group DVD about the virtues of abstinence:

The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.

Continue reading A glimpse of the zombie apocalypse on… The Door

Coming out to the ones you love about your alternative (writing) lifestyle

(Quick! Search your pockets! Or Between the couch cushions at home! or The ashtray/change holder in your car! Or even the seat next to you on the bus, keeping in mind you may get slapped if someone is still sitting there! Why are we doing this? I mean, aside from the obvious aerobic benefits? Because it’s Friday and time for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing! If this is your first time here, Ned’s NWOW is when I share the collective wisdom of 15 years of column writing experience. Join us now for a weekly feature that has been described as “literary pearls from a diver who needs more oxygen,” and “Worth every penny! As long as it doesn’t go over five cents…”)

Coffee knocked over copy It began with my parents of course, who held hands as I explained that I had always felt “different,” and that I wanted to embrace who I was, without shame, hopefully with their acceptance and approval. They both exchanged glances, my mother squeezing my father’s hand and offering him a worried smile before turning back to me. She knew what was coming and slowly blinked, nodding her head ever so slightly, encouraging me.

I cleared my throat. Took a deep breath.

“Mom… Dad… I think I might be a writer.”

It’s been many years since I came out of the closet. Or, in my case, the laundry room, which is where I did most of my writing until becoming a columnist in 1998. But before that — before I actually started getting paid to write — that conversation replayed itself many times over the years with family, friends and co-workers, most of whom thought of my writing as something akin to collecting salt and pepper shakers; a “unique” hobby that I was asked not to talk about at parties.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but for people who don’t know you — it makes them uncomfortable when your eyes light up like that.” Continue reading Coming out to the ones you love about your alternative (writing) lifestyle

More tools for thought… or food for your toolbox… or something like that

(According to my blogging friend Ross Murray, who lives on the edge of a sink hole in Canada, my weekly Nickels’s Worth on Writing is actually worth 8 cents over there thanks to the exchange rate. Which sounds great at first, and potentially like a good reason to move there since I could increase the net worth of my writing by nearly 50 percent! That was until Ross explained how, because of international law and a complicated revenue formula involving the metric system, it actually meant I owe Canadians three cents every time they read my NWOW. Because I have a lot of readers in Canada, this could add up to… uh… if I understand Canadian currency correctly… about 100 centimeters every week. For this reason, my Nickel’s Worth on Writing is now called “Ned’s Duty-Free Thoughts on Writing, Eh?” in Canada. My thanks to Ross for the heads-up on this before anyone at the IRS found out…)

image In one of my first columns at Gliterary Girl, I talked about three of the most important tools a writer wields when it comes to establishing their voice. Does anyone remember what they were?

Anyone under the age of 40 who still has a fully-functional memory?

Yes! You in the back with the “Nouns of the Baskerville” T-shirt.

Um… No. I’m sorry. Cuervo was not one of them.

Anyone else?

Yes, you — the one waving your hands enthusiastically!

Sure, the restroom is down the hall to the left, next to the drinking fountain. And yes, the reason the water gurgles when someone flushes is because it’s the same water. Help yourself, but we’re not waiting for you. Continue reading More tools for thought… or food for your toolbox… or something like that