Category: This Just In…

… This Just In …

image

…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our newsroom…]

Coming back from lunch, I walked into the newsroom to find a fellow journalist and three individuals in mid-interview. As I took my seat across the room, I felt my blood run cold as I overheard their accusations about the nightmare scenario our government shutdown is leading to.

“Dear GOD!” I said, sending my chair against the wall as I stood. “How can this happen here?! In AMERICA?!? Men being sterilized in processing plants! We have to tell people!”

After an awkward silence, one of the individuals exchanged glances with the rest of the group. “Um, we’re talking about MAIL sterilizing and processing plants, not male sterilizing plants.”

Sometimes, there’s no graceful way to exit a room…

… This Just In …

image

…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our newsroom…]

“Who is that behind you? Jesus?” my editor asked, noticing my son’s artwork from several years ago on the wall behind me.

“No, it’s George Lucas,” I replied. “You can raise and lower him with this little tab in the back.”

I demonstrated the Amazing Ascension Action! capability of my son’s art piece. Continue reading … This Just In …

… This Just In …

image

…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our news room…]

A few moments ago, democratic congressman Peter DeFazio left our newsroom following a 45-minute visit. Congressman DeFazio comes to our office two or three times a year with the intention of treating us to an informative, low-key press conference of sorts. And each time, my editor takes an audible gulp whenever I open my mouth to speak. On today’s list of topics was dredging of small ports, school funding and helium reserves.

That’s right: helium reserves.

Which topic do you think I chose to weigh in on..? Continue reading … This Just In …

… This Just In …

image

…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our news room…]

It’s Friday. A deadline day. Tomorrow’s readers will benefit from today’s laser-like focus in our newsroom — plus whatever it is I do. Today, in addition to the normal pressures and distractions that accompany a deadline day, such as a phone call from the local bridge club or the unexpected arrival of free donuts, I have THIS to contend with… Continue reading … This Just In …

… This Just In …

image

…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our news room…]

As our editor passes through the newsroom, a reporter looks up from her computer screen.

Reporter: “Have you assigned anyone to cover the Psychic Fair this weekend?”

Editor: “I was thinking about doing it.”

Reporter: “Really?”

Editor: “No, not really. And you’re obviously not psychic, so it won’t be you.”

Me: [remaining quiet and still]

Editor: “This sounds like you’re beat.”

Me: [Dropping back in my chair] “Really? Why me?”

Editor: “How did you know I meant you? Obviously you must be psychic. Therefore it’s your assignment.”

Me: “I think my life line just shrank.”

Editor: “You should get that looked at while you’re there.”

(Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. You can write to him at nhickson@thesiuslawnews.com, or at Siuslaw News, P.O. Box 10, Florence, Ore. 97439)

… This Just In …

image

…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our news room…]

Walking into my editor’s office, I stare at the newly-refurbished computer monitor on her desk, complete with “Good working condition certification” sticker.

Me: Wow, It looks like something from Star Trek.

Editor: Have you seen “Into Darkness?”

Me: I’m talking about the TV show. I think this was part of Sulu’s console. Wait, is that a tribble?

Editor: Get out before I set this stapler for “stun.”

… This Just In …

image

…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our news room…]

Editor: “Is THIS all we have for obits? Just one tiny paragraph?!? How are we supposed to fill today’s news hole?!?”

Me: “Hey, you want me to go out and kill some people? Haha!”

Editor: *long, creepy silence…*

… This Just In…

image

…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our news room…]

Editor: “It says here that this year’s Holistic and Psychic Fair is going to be…”

Me: WAIT!! Don’t tell me….

[An anticipatory silence in the newsroom]

Me: “… Sorry — I got nothin'”

Editor: “Just for that, it’s your assignment now.”

Me: “Somehow, I knew that.”

… This Just In …

image

…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our news room…]

Editor: “Did anyone get a photo of the Coast Guard retrieving the diving mannequin that sank after its head popped off?”

Jenna: “I was there covering the boat show and got one with my camera phone.”

Editor: “Great. Let’s do a photo with a deep cutline. Any ideas on what to put?”

Me: “How about, ‘Coast Guard exercise demonstrates why it’s important to not loose your head when drowning?”

Editor: “Get out.”

The photo in question, documenting the importance of keeping your head in the event of drowning. Especially if you are made of heavy plastic.
The photo in question, documenting the importance of keeping your head in the event of drowning. Especially if you are made of heavy plastic.

This Just In!

image Journalism is about concrete facts. For example, did you know the first all-weather shoe was actually made of cement and worn by the Glug-Glug tribe of the West Indies, which disappeared 300 years ago while crossing a frozen lake? Blogger ddupre315 at Random Thoughts of Existance called me out on this rule after realizing my previous This Just In post failed to explain what kind of air freshener “The Voice” used to freshen up the bathroom after “Joe.”

As ddupre315 expressed, “How could you leave out an important detail in such an enthralling story? Disappointed…”

Soooooo
Tat-tat-tat-Tat-tat-tat-tat-Tat-Tat-tat-tat-Tat Continue reading This Just In!