Tag: The Public Blogger

A sneak peek at my 24-hour Canadian citizenship

image Who doesn’t LOVE Canada, AY? Moose. Mounties. Molson. Maple syrup. Mike Meyers. And lots of other uniquely Canadian things that begin with the letter “M.”

Which is why I was excited to be given Canada (yes, the whole country) as my guest for the next round in The Public Blogger’s “Performer of the Year” competition tomorrow!

I actually have several readers who claim to be from Canada — and hey, I believe them. In fact one of them, fellow humorist and tireless thespian rights activist Ross Murray, actually sent me a can of real maple syrup once! And I know it was genuine because the label was written in actual Canadian-uh-ish. Plus, the contents were measured in metric kilograms.

Or millimeters.

No, pentagrams.

Anyway, he was also gracious enough to make a brief cameo in my video for tomorrow night’s competition. Not that he’s wearing briefs in the actual video, just so we’re clear. Continue reading A sneak peek at my 24-hour Canadian citizenship

Exhausted and appreciative isn’t a bad way to end the night

image After a six-hour delay, three glasses of wine, a short nap and waking up to our Labrador sniffing my face (just glad I wasn’t laying on my stomach), the final results from the fourth round of The Public Blogger’s “Performer of the Year” competition were revealed a short time ago on my Facebook page. It took me a while to comprehend it. Not because of the wine, but from the sheer appreciation I feel for all of your support. The next glass I raise will simply be as a toast to all of you. Thank You all so much… I’m heading to bed — exhausted and deeply appreciative.

Care to join me in limbo? There’s a seat open…

imageFor those of you following my pursuit of “Performer of the Year” at The Public Blogger, and wondering how today’s voting went… you’re not alone. As of 4 p.m. the final tallies for the top six, as well as who will be elminiated in this round, have not been revealed. And I swear I didn’t fall asleep and miss something. Here’s the information I received a short time ago on my Facebook page from the show.

Dear Ned — You were eliminated three weeks ago. Why are you still here?

Ha! Ha! ! What a kidder!

Oh, here it is…

Special Announcement: ‪#‎AStarisBorn‬ and Falling Star

Good afternoon fans, supporters, neighbors and followers of A Star is Born. The delay has caught everyone off guard, but solutions are never far. A formal announcement will be made by 5PM PST Today, and I assure you, within the next 24 hours one of the seven Artists… will be thrown from the stage. Your patience is appreciated as the show will go on. – thepublicblogger

Drama! Supense! Intrigue! Danger! And by that last one I mean the danger of interfering with my dinner schedule. I promise to keep you up to date as informatin becomes available. But as of right now, you share the same loop as I do.

Scary, I know.

In the meantime, I want to thank you for your patience and, most of all, your continued support here and at the voting polls each week. I truly and deeply appreciate it. It really does mean a lot having you out there. And trust me, it’s better to be out there than in here with me…

— Ned

Another performance that took me 90 seconds or less

image Tomorrow night, I and the other six remaining nominees in the “Performance of the Year” competition at The Public Blogger will reveal the results of our Fourth Challenge: “Star Turn.” And although several of us are utilizing video, as far as I know there will be no red thongs involved. At least on my end. Or front. Or whatever.

This week’s challenge required us to incorporate four things into our creation:

1) Written words (350 max)

2) Our recorded voice (60 seconds max)

3) Images created/photographed by us

4) Presentation should reveal something about why we chose to pursue our art form.

Undoubtedly, many of are breathing a sigh of relief that my chosen art form isn’t nude self-portraits, even though it would ultimately still qualify as humor. Regardless, my presentation has been submitted and will be revealed in its entirety, along with the other six nominees’ work, tomorrow night at 7 p.m. when voting goes live for this round. The total time allowed for our presentations is 90 seconds or less, which coincidentally matches my own personal best time in… well, it doesn’t really matter. Continue reading Another performance that took me 90 seconds or less

Please accept my preemptive apology in advance beforehand

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As the intensity of “Performance of the Year” competition at The Public Blogger increases, I’d like to apologize for some things, beginning with how infrequent my visits to other people’s blogs, websites and Facebook pages has been lately. I have a running list of posts saved to my email that keeps growing — Mollytopia, The Hook, Ross Murray, Rouged Mount, Lizzi, Rarasuar, Hasty Words, List of X, Miz Yank, She’s a Maineiac, Lipstick and Laundry, The Sisterwives, to name a few. I am looking forward to the day in a few weeks when I can sit back and spend an entire day catching up on my drinking reading all of the posts I have saved to savor later. I just wanted you to know that I’m well aware of what I’m missing, and that my absense is not an indication of disinterest or an elitist attitude.

Simply put: I’m just getting my butt kicked. Continue reading Please accept my preemptive apology in advance beforehand

Good news travels fast! Until it reaches my blog, apparently

image It’s been more than five hours since the little graphic to the left appeared on my Facebook page after the final votes and judges’ scores were tabbula tabulei added up for this week’s round of Performance of the Year competition at The Public Blogger.

Why the delay?

I’d like to say it was because, after several margaritas and a donkey  ride (at least I think it was a donkey) in Tijuana, Mexico,  (at least I think it was a Tijuana) in celebration, I passed out in wheel barrow and was being carried back through customs when I was detained for slurring and yelling “Mi esssss Numero UNO, senior Policia!” over an over until I lost my enchiladas on the shoes of a border patrol agent.

I’d like to say that, but the reason for the delay is much less colorful and, admittedly, a lot less forgivable:

I got sidetracked with work on an early deadline after posting the results on my *sigh* Facebook page.

I’m aware that many of you don’t follow Facebook, which is all the more reason I should have made sure to post this hours ago, when Michelle Terry at Lipstick and Laundry commented: “Was that YOU I saw in Mexico?” Continue reading Good news travels fast! Until it reaches my blog, apparently

Where I sit in the current standings… or something like that

image With less than two hours remaining before voting closes in the third round of the Performance of the Year competition at The Public Blogger, I thought I’d share an update on where I am in the rankings — and thank you for keeping me in the top three against some stiff competition. I suppose it’s too late to add a stanza to my poem that reads:

Judges are wonderful,
judges carry our hopes,
if they score me well,
I promise to loosen their ropes.

The judges’ scoring, which accounts for 30% of our total score, hasn’t been included yet. That means, depending on how they score my poem (and judging by their initial scoring, it won’t be much), I could drop me a little further depending on how many more votes roll in before the 10 a.m. deadline.

Either way, I still feel fairly confident I’ll make it through this round somewhere IN THE TOP 7! I say that with ALL-CAPS and an EXCLAMATION point to sound CONFIDENT! Even though, as I write this, I am in a fetal position under my desk…

Just kidding! Ha!Ha! It’s really more like a cannon ball position because my desk is really small. Continue reading Where I sit in the current standings… or something like that

Roses are red, violets are blue… I’m ready to vote. How about you?

image For those of you following my pursuit of Performance of the Year, voting for round three has opened! This week, each of us has been asked to submit something out of our genre and comfort zone. I chose poetry, which is well beyond my comfort zone and borders on The Twilight Zone. Especially since I was not allowed to use any humor in writing an introstpective piece called “At The River’s Edge.”

My goal was to create something visual, relatable and rhythmic that was perfectly measured — 5-word stanzas, 5 stanzas, all adding up to an equal number (including the title and byline) which is 100. I also wanted it to be a journey, to a place and back again, finishing where it started but with a new perspective — like T.S. Elliot’s famous quote about exploring, and returning the beginning only to rediscover it.

The result of my poetic endeavor, as well as the other seven talented nominees’submmissions, are on this week’s episode of “A Star Is Born.” Last week, in addition to having the honor of becoming a finalist in this talented group of artists, I also remained in the No. 1 spot for the second straight week. Thank You ALL so much for that. This week, in addition to public voting, the competition will also include three judges whose decision also weighs in on who stays and who goes — so your votes are especially important now.

You can cast your vote between now and 10 a.m. tomorrow morning (Oct. 26). Final results — and the next nominee to be eliminated — will be revealed at noon.

Below you’ll find the link for voting. It will take you to my Facebook page first. Please “Like” the FB link (accounts for 25% of our score) and then follow it to The Public Blogger to vote (70% of our score). As I mentioned last week, even if you don’t vote for me, please DO vote. It’s a terrific group of folks who have become my friends.

And they’ll still be my friends even if I get voted out. Assuming they’ll answer my calls.

Again, my sincere and appreciative THANK YOU to all of you for helping get this far.

Now please… Vote HERE (Look for this image on my FB page)

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Tonight I’m attempting poetry for your vote; please be gentle

image For tonight’s third round of Performance of the Year competition at The Public Blogger, each of us remaining eight nominees has been asked to submit a piece in a genre outside of our comfort zone; but something we’d like to become better at. As I learned while wearing a red thong, me doing anything in a genre involving being nearly naked simply makes everyone ELSE uncomfortable. So artisticly expressive nude selfies were definitely out.

At a young age, I was inspired by the amazing imagery of T.S. Elliot. For this reason, I chose poetry. I wasn’t allowed to include humor in it, which meant I had to dig deeply. My first few attempts weren’t that great.

For examle:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Poetry is hard
See what I mean?

At any rate, I submitted my five-stanza poetry piece called “At The River’s Edge” and it will premier tonight at 7 p.m., along with the other talented nominees’ new works in areas outside of their normal genre of creativity. There will be sculpture, videos, music, paintings and song lyrics.

Incidentally, no one chose “humor writing,” by the way.

Just saying… *cough cough* Continue reading Tonight I’m attempting poetry for your vote; please be gentle

Every politician wishes they had this kind of support. And probably Dolly Parton, too.

imageThe final results for round two of voting are in for “Performance of the Year” at The Public Blogger. We aren’t told anything until the announcement shows up on each of our Facebook pages. Usually within 10 minutes after the close of voting. I was at work, drinking coffee at my desk when this showed up on my screen. Unfortunately, I was also using my coffee to wash down a rather large piece of apple fritter when it appeared.

I won’t get into the details, but take my word when I say it IS physically possible for a fritter to move through your entire nasal passage in less than seven seconds.

It’s also why I’ll be asking, “Is it just me or does everything smell like apples?” for a few days.

Once again, I am incredibly humbled and appreciative of all your support in helping me stay at the top for a second week. As most of you know, I don’t normally do awards, and I’m not really interested in competing with anyone other than myself.

And yes, armwrestling gets a little tricky. Continue reading Every politician wishes they had this kind of support. And probably Dolly Parton, too.