Tag: writing

My review of a book that doesn’t actually exist

Eclipsed Sunset cover So let’s say you’re a HUGE Twilight fan. And let’s say you’re looking through the literary website Gliterary Girl in search of the latest book reviews in order to find a good book for spring break…. When suddenly, and without warning, you stumble across a review about the new Twilight book YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WAS BEING RELEASED?!? How could this HAPPEN?!? Who is RESPONSIBLE?! Why was there nothing in my Twilight Fan Club email?!

That was the catalyst for my review of Eclipsed Sunset, the latest book in the Twilight series which, as it so happens, doesn’t actually exist. My friend Sara, who is the editor and a contributor at Gliterary Girl, posted it this morning at 8 a.m. London time.

Didn’t you hear the screaming?

Unlike this post, there was no such introduction.

This could be fun… Continue reading My review of a book that doesn’t actually exist

On our newsroom door…

Our actual door Our newsroom has a door. But that’s not the point of this post. Over the years, this door has become more than just a way in or out, or something that occasionally gets “stuck” with our editor on the other side. It has also become a Mecca of sorts. A place where journalists since the 1970s have taped, glued and pasted headlines that are either badly written, clever or misspelled.

It is a beacon, really, harkening us into the jagged rocks.

Since I can’t afford to fly all of you here to see it, and because there are still many of you who did not receive the Mexican mocha I sent after my 100th post, I have nixed the idea of detaching the door and sending it to each of you to see for yourselves. Therefore, starting today, I’ll be coming to your homes or places of employment to show you my Door of Shame, Blame and Brilliance favorites. It will be just like having me standing there with my door. Except, you know — I’ll be doing it from here. Continue reading On our newsroom door…

Parents: Lung capacity is key when choosing inflatable toy

(Note: Judging from the response to last week’s launch of “Flashback Sundays,” I think we’re on to something! Or at least many of you were on something at the time. In either case, with spring break on the way, here’s another post from the early archives, back when I thought “Freshly Pressed” was the tagline for a fashion blogger…)

Inflated whale We live less than 15 minutes from our favorite lake. The problem is, it also happens to be everyone else’s favorite lake, which means in order to get a spot within the vicinity of actual water, you have to be there when the gates open at noon and participate in something similar to the Oklahoma Land Rush. It’s not uncommon to see small children strapped to inflatable toys and tossed ahead of the crowd in order to claim prime territory.

As a parent, it’s not a gamble I’m willing to take with my child. Especially since, as a general rule, it only counts if your child is in an upright position once they skid to a stop.

The good news is that once the initial pandemonium is over, things generally settle into a state of peaceful co-existence as, one by one, parents begin passing out while blowing up inflatable toys. Sadly, the evolutionary process has not been able to keep up with the growing demand for larger and larger inflatable animals. Unless you are a pearl diver by trade, chances are your lung capacity is nowhere near what it needs to be in order to fully inflate your child’s favorite water toy. Continue reading Parents: Lung capacity is key when choosing inflatable toy

My review of a ‘Twilight’ book that doesn’t actually exist

Eclipsed Sunset cover So let’s say you’re a HUGE Twilight fan. And let’s further say you’re looking for a good book for summer when suddenly, and without warning… BAM! you stumble across a review about the new Twilight book YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WAS BEING RELEASED?!? How could this HAPPEN?!? Who is RESPONSIBLE?! Why was there nothing in my Twilight Fan Club email?!

That was the catalyst for my “review” of Eclipsed Sunset, the latest book in the Twilight series which, as it so happens, doesn’t actually exist. My friend Sara, who is the editor and a contributor at Gliterary Girl, posted it this morning at 8 a.m. London time.

Didn’t you hear the screaming?

Unlike this post, there was no such introduction.

This could be fun… Continue reading My review of a ‘Twilight’ book that doesn’t actually exist

Like exercise, regular writing can shape your (literary) thighs

Bike typewriter copy Last week, in my continued saga at Gliterary Girl on the hazards rewards advantages realities of being a writer, we spoke about some of the tools you need to develop your writing “Voice.” This week, we’re going to talk about making regular use of those tools by establishing a writing “Routine.”

In a way, establishing this routine is a lot like going to the gym. Except that you don’t get sweaty, never leave a seated position and, unless you write romance or erotica, you probably won’t increase your heart rate much.

But aside from that, it’s just like going to the gym.

When I first started writing in an actual newsroom, my routine consisted of sitting at my desk, staring blankly at the screen and banging on my keys as quickly as possible until it was time to go home, where I would do my actual writing.

Why did I do this? Continue reading Like exercise, regular writing can shape your (literary) thighs

Finding your writing ‘voice’ (Unless you’re William Hung)

Typewriter at mic (Note: This is part of a weekly series from the website Gliterary Girl, where I’m a regular contributor on the subject of writing. And highly suggestive quilting patterns. But mostly writing.)

There are nearly 8 billion people inhabiting the earth. Most are capable of stringing together a sequence of words in order to communicate an idea or feeling.

Occasionally, this even includes lawyers.

At this very moment, if you were to log on to any social network, you’d find thousands of people writing about any number of topics, including vacations, sex, parenting, mental illness…

Hmmm. Looking back over that last sequence, I see a definite pattern.

Anyway, with all of these people writing, what determines the difference between someone who writes and a writer?

There really is a difference and, as with any art form, deciding between “good” and “poor” writing comes down to personal taste and interpretation. Or possibly an interpreter if you’re reading Ozzy Osbourne’s biography.  Continue reading Finding your writing ‘voice’ (Unless you’re William Hung)

A city where I could make a difference…

City sewersThere aren’t many jobs where you are virtually assured of a rapid promotional pace. However, I feel fairly confident that if I were to get hired at this particular Public Works department, I could be running it in less than a week.

Getting started as a columnist (or why I avoid Rhode Island)

Note: As I promised last week in my 100th post celebration (I understand some of still haven’t received your free Mexican mocha — sorry about that), here is the first installment from the writing and literary website Gliteray Girl, where I’m a regular contributor on the subject of writing. They wouldn’t let me contribute on the subject of sex therapy, so I went with the writing thing…

Coffee knocked over copy When I first started querying newspapers about carrying my column, I was getting one or two rejections in my email box every week. In frustration, I turned to the Internet and discovered, with a little planning and organization, I could be rejected by every newspaper in the state of Louisiana all in one afternoon.

In 2002, I began my unofficial “Internet promotional tour” across the United States by emailing a basic cover letter and a few sample columns to newspapers here in my home state of Oregon. Today, the column is running in 60 papers in 11 states and Canada. What follows are a few simple truths, mixed with some suggestions, that will help distinguish your email query from the hundreds of male enhancement offers editors receive each day. Continue reading Getting started as a columnist (or why I avoid Rhode Island)

This committee never lacks volunteers

Marijuana I expect this investigation will require a long time to conduct in order to understand the scope of the issue and quantify any conclusions the committee will reach. Oh, and it will also require a lot of Cheetos.

To mark this blogging milestone, I hope you like coffee

Coffee knocked over copy For anyone about to read this, I suggest sitting down and gripping the sides of your chair. And maybe even strapping on a helmet. That’s because this post marks an exciting milestone of COLOSSAL proportions!

No, I’m not writing about the Biggest Loser.

As if it wasn’t enough that this blog began six months ago TODAY, this also happens to be its 100th post!

Mere coincidence? I DON’T THINK SO!

… OK, yeah — it probably is. In fact, I’d guarantee it because, to be honest, I’m just not that organized.

But it’s still worth celebrating, right?!?

As I sat staring bleary-eyed at the monitor sipping my Mexican mocha, contemplating the appropriate way to mark this occasion, inspiration struck! So, some time in the next 10 minutes, each of you will be receiving your very own Mexican mocha! I can’t guarantee it will still be hot, or that the whipped cream won’t have turned to cottage cheese, but I can guarantee, when it arrives, the only person who will be more surprised than you is me. Continue reading To mark this blogging milestone, I hope you like coffee