Join hundreds of journalists who use… The Door

The Door is Oregon's equivalent to a  journalistic Smithsonian. Pretty much.
The Door is Oregon’s equivalent to a journalistic Smithsonian. Pretty much.
While it’s true The Door is a weekly feature written by a journalist, about journalism, and inspired by clippings taped to a 50-year-old door that shields real journalists from dangerous emissions from a mostly-working commode located in an actual newsroom, it is — like the commode itself — available for anyone to enjoy! That’s because The Door does not judge. It does not discriminate. It does not prejudge.

It also does not seal properly, but that’s beside the point.

As regular followers of this feature know, The Door celebrates the best and worst in journalism since the 1970s, when reporters here at the Siuslaw News taped the first erroneous clipping to The Door in an effort to highlight the “shame, blame and brilliance” of journalism, as well as cover a fist-sized hole in The Door that, while a handy pass-through for toilet paper, made decorum nearly impossible.

Think of The Door as the Oregon Coast equivalent of a journalistic Smithsonian, except without all the pompous credibility and historic distinction. Journalist or not, join us now as we travel back to 1999, when Eugene’s Register-Guard printed a report from the Associated Press that falls under the rare “brilliance” category of The Door. Continue reading Join hundreds of journalists who use… The Door

Behind every country music star is a great soda wrangler

(Think of this week’s Flashback Sunday as my own version of “Looper,” where we encounter a younger version of myself from a mind-bending span of… two weeks ago. That’s when part one of this post,Shooting a Music Video? Avoid the Black-eyed Four-Stepfirst materialized from 2004 in our Sunday flashback. As you may recall, depending on how you spent last night, I was invited to the making of Adam Marshall’s country music video “Cowboy Hat,” which I quickly took him up on — and he just as quickly regretted. So now, as we do each week, let’s go back in time, back to when the only followers I had were promised free Sea Monkeys — and when I thought Freshly Pressed was a magazine for snooty French coffee drinkers…)

image As I mentioned several weeks ago, I was invited to participate in a music video by country singer Adam Marshall during the filming of his music video for “Cowboy Hat.” Though I haven’t actually seen the finished video yet, I can tell you the music is great, that everyone in it is attractive, and they can all dance really well. Which is why I can say, with some certainty, I am not in the final cut.

Yes, I was wearing a cowboy hat and boots.

Yes, I met Adam Marshall.

And no, I didn’t realize “Coyote Ugly” was a euphemism for someone at a singles bar who is highly attractive; at least not until I met my dance partner and politely introduced myself as “Wowwy.Continue reading Behind every country music star is a great soda wrangler

Before leaving the newsroom, four out of five journalists recommend using… The Door

The Door in all it's glory.
The Door in all it’s glory.
The above statement is more than just a flashy headline meant to hook you into reading this post. It’s a proven fact, based on a highly coordinated, in-depth poll taken over the course of three minutes here at the Siuslaw News.

I know what you’re asking yourself: Why not five out of five?

That’s because we actually only have four reporters in our newsroom. The fifth person in this poll isn’t “technically” a reporter because, technically speaking, he was already on the other side of The Door, jamming a plumbing snake down the commode. So, as a show of my journalistic integrity — and also because someone at the corporate office may read this and add more projects because of our “new five-person staff” — I couldn’t in good conscience claim 5-out-of-5 in my headline. Continue reading Before leaving the newsroom, four out of five journalists recommend using… The Door

Best gumbo west of the south was almost good enough for first place

image So when the chef’s aprons finally hit the floor at the end of yesterday’s firefighter cook-off, and I realized why I’d been feeling a draft all day, our team finished second with our chicken and sausage gumbo. The host team from Newport, with it’s briquet chili, took the top prize. I didn’t get a chance taste it, but it must’ve been amazing in order to beat out the Best Gumbo West of the South.

Our chicken and sausage gumbo, with dirty rice. How dirty? It wouldn't get a "G" rating, let's put it that way.
Our chicken and sausage gumbo, with dirty rice. How dirty? It wouldn’t get a “G” rating, let’s put it that way.
Rumor has it the reason the judging ran late was because they were trying to decide between our gumbo and Newport’s chili.

I think it’s also possible that, after eating both dishes, they went out for beers to counteract the spiciness.

Our team, Greg and Arda Stober, along with my wife and I. Our clear display boxes had small strobe lights covered in red and yellow tissue paper to look like flames. That's just how cool we are.
Our team, Greg and Arda Stober, along with my wife and I. Our clear display boxes had small strobe lights covered in red and yellow tissue paper to look like flames. That’s just how cool we are.
Either way, I couldn’t be more proud of our team, which included my lovely wife, and fellow firefighters Greg and Arda Stober. We also had support from Janet and Annette, who made the trip from our Florence fire station to show their support by attempting to sabotage Newport’s chili with pieces of chopped up fire boot insoles.

Nice try, girls. Continue reading Best gumbo west of the south was almost good enough for first place

Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on… Gumbo?

image I know what you’re thinking. But we can’t talk about that without changing the rating on this blog. So instead, we’ll talk about what I’m thinking, which is how I failed you this morning. For those loyal readers who checked for this week’s edition of Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, I’d like to apologize to the both of you. The good news, however, is that you won’t have to cough up a nickel this week; the bad news is that I will not be dispensing any sagely advice, although I did use a pinch of sage while spending the day in the firehouse kitchen making gumbo, dirty rice and chocolate lava cake for the annual firehouse cook-off tomorrow.

The other bad news is that if you literally have been coughing up a nickel each week, stop immediately and go see your physician.

In order to take today day off from the newspaper, I had to work approximately 42 hours, seven minutes and 13 seconds yesterday to finish what I would normally achieve in eight hours. Stephen Hawking, if you’re out there, please explain the science behind this phenomenon. Especially when you consider that seven of those hours are spent getting/drinking coffee, using the restroom and getting/drinking more coffee. As a result, I didn’t have time to write this week’s NWOW. Continue reading Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on… Gumbo?

This Just In!

image Journalism is about concrete facts. For example, did you know the first all-weather shoe was actually made of cement and worn by the Glug-Glug tribe of the West Indies, which disappeared 300 years ago while crossing a frozen lake? Blogger ddupre315 at Random Thoughts of Existance called me out on this rule after realizing my previous This Just In post failed to explain what kind of air freshener “The Voice” used to freshen up the bathroom after “Joe.”

As ddupre315 expressed, “How could you leave out an important detail in such an enthralling story? Disappointed…”

Soooooo
Tat-tat-tat-Tat-tat-tat-tat-Tat-Tat-tat-tat-Tat Continue reading This Just In!

This just in!

image Today, we begin a new feature here at Ned’s Blog called “This Just In!” which offers breaking news on strangely irrelevant moments in our newsroom. Think of it as a companion piece to The Door, except instead of looking to the past for “Shame, Blame and Brilliance,” you can experience up-to-the-minute coverage as it happens right now!

Wait…

Do you hear that? It’s an outdated tele-type machine!

TAT-tat-TAT-tat-tat-TAT-tat-tat-tat-TAT-tat-tat-tat… Continue reading This just in!

A glimpse of the zombie apocalypse on… The Door

The Door, in all its journalistic glory, as long as no one is flushing on the other side.
The Door, in all its journalistic glory, as long as no one is flushing on the other side.
Because we’re a smaller paper, many people don’t realize the Siuslaw News was the first to break the story on an impending zombie apocalypse, as this week’s edition of The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) will prove.

For those of you who are joining us for the first time, quite possibly because you have been preparing for the zombie hoard after seeing the people who shop at Wal-Mart after 10 p.m., The Door is an actual door in our newsroom where journalists at the Siuslaw News have been taping, tacking and, in some cases, using unidentified adhesives, to glorify the best and worst newspaper items since the 1970s. The Door is a journalist’s Mecca of sorts, to which we face each Tuesday and reverently ask The Great Editor:

How could yet let this happen?!?

Before we look upon The Door, we must follow a sacred ritual passed from generation to generation, beginning with this one, in which we join hands and repeat the following phrase in a monotoned voice similar to actors in a church youth group DVD about the virtues of abstinence:

The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.

Continue reading A glimpse of the zombie apocalypse on… The Door

Coming out to the ones you love about your alternative (writing) lifestyle

(Quick! Search your pockets! Or Between the couch cushions at home! or The ashtray/change holder in your car! Or even the seat next to you on the bus, keeping in mind you may get slapped if someone is still sitting there! Why are we doing this? I mean, aside from the obvious aerobic benefits? Because it’s Friday and time for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing! If this is your first time here, Ned’s NWOW is when I share the collective wisdom of 15 years of column writing experience. Join us now for a weekly feature that has been described as “literary pearls from a diver who needs more oxygen,” and “Worth every penny! As long as it doesn’t go over five cents…”)

Coffee knocked over copy It began with my parents of course, who held hands as I explained that I had always felt “different,” and that I wanted to embrace who I was, without shame, hopefully with their acceptance and approval. They both exchanged glances, my mother squeezing my father’s hand and offering him a worried smile before turning back to me. She knew what was coming and slowly blinked, nodding her head ever so slightly, encouraging me.

I cleared my throat. Took a deep breath.

“Mom… Dad… I think I might be a writer.”

It’s been many years since I came out of the closet. Or, in my case, the laundry room, which is where I did most of my writing until becoming a columnist in 1998. But before that — before I actually started getting paid to write — that conversation replayed itself many times over the years with family, friends and co-workers, most of whom thought of my writing as something akin to collecting salt and pepper shakers; a “unique” hobby that I was asked not to talk about at parties.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but for people who don’t know you — it makes them uncomfortable when your eyes light up like that.” Continue reading Coming out to the ones you love about your alternative (writing) lifestyle

Like Justin Bieber, I completely overlooked The Door

image It’s time once again to gather at The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) here in the newsroom, join hands and, while speaking in a monotone voice similar to anyone shopping at Wal-Mart after 2 a.m., repeat the following phrase:

The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.

Why do we say this? I mean, aside from the obvious health benefits of exercising your iambic pentameter? Because it’s our way of acknowledging the reporters who have come before and left their mark here at the Siuslaw News, at least in terms of what they’ve taped, pasted or otherwise found important enough to stick to The Door by any means necessary since the 1970s. Continue reading Like Justin Bieber, I completely overlooked The Door