Tag: publishing

Lawn-mowing frenzy linked to distracted reader

A new law may prohibit my book from being read while driving a riding mower.
HATSOL Surveillance Team members managed to get this photo before police closed the area.
According to a court summons I just received, my book is now under scrutiny following an incident in which a woman went on a riding-mower spree that cut large swaths through nearly four acres of neighboring yards, including several flower beds and three mailboxes. The woman, who would only identify herself as “MamaMickTerry,” was clutching a copy of Humor at the Speed of Life when police traced her to an equipment shed behind her home, where she was still sitting on the industrial-sized mower in question.

“She kept repeating a passage from the book. Something about mowing over Ned Hickson’s hibachi,” said officer Bill Schlependorf, head of the local landscape crimes division. “We tracked her down by forming a grid. Then we stepped out of the grid and followed a six-foot wide path of debris through a series of hydrangea bushes to her shed. That’s where we found her, still clutching the book and mumbling that she would ‘…show Ned what a REAL mower looks like!'” Continue reading Lawn-mowing frenzy linked to distracted reader

According to this review, my book could be the next Magic 8-Ball

Robyn Lawson, aka ""Blog Woman!" consults my book for its wisdom. Keep looking, Robyn...
Robyn L., aka “Blog Woman!” consults my book for its wisdom. Keep looking, Robyn…
Before getting to the most recent review of my book, I have been instructed by my lawyer to issue the following disclaimer:

Warning: Humor at the Speed of Life should not be considered a substitute for a certified life coach, or used as guide in making major life decisions, or even deciding on what to have for dinner. Should you decide to use it for this purpose by randomly picking passages in a fashion similar to a Magic 8-Ball, results may vary, particularly if you happen to choose anything from the section Women are from Venus and Men Won’t Ask for Directions.

That said, I’d like to thank Robyn L. from Blog Woman!!! for this insightful review that has made my lawyer more nervous than Justin Bieber getting dropped off in Compton… Continue reading According to this review, my book could be the next Magic 8-Ball

If you’re a writer without a rejection letter, you’re doing something wrong

image Do you hear that? Shhhhh! Listen again…

That’s right — NOTHING! Now that my flu is almost gone, I no longer sound like a partially submerged Ford Fiesta backfiring in a swamp! At least not when I cough.

I’d like to apologize again for last week’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, which was a good example of why some people shouldn’t be allowed near a keyboard while under medication. For those who missed it, I think it’s best summed up in this comment left by The Master of Horror® Stephen King:

Ned. You’re even scaring me with this sh@%. Stop it.”
— The Master of Horror® Stephen King

With that, it’s time for an influenza-free edition of my NWOW, which Editor’s Weekly recently called “…something that has become an integral part of our screening process whenever we hire a proof reader.”

High prays in deed. Continue reading If you’re a writer without a rejection letter, you’re doing something wrong

That time I was interviewed by Suz Jones while her cat ate my book

Catnip ink is cheaper, but there are drawbacks.
Catnip ink is cheaper, but there are drawbacks.
This morning I had the privilege of being interviewed by Suz Jones over at It Goes On as this week’s Fellow Blogger guest. She asked a lot of great questions and I revealed some things I normally wouldn’t, which taught me a valuable lesson about not wearing baggy shorts when being interviewed.

I also learned that my book seems to be as popular with cats as it is with dogs. Maybe it’s the section on pets (Why Is the Dog Wearing Cowboy Boots?), or maybe it’s that the quality of writing appeals to the standard reading level of most house pets. Whatever the reason, Suz’s cat really ate up my book. Starting with the corners.

I’d like to thank Suz for having me as a guest, and for going to the extra trouble of making authentic Australian “shrimp on the barbie.” I’m also glad her cat liked my book so much, which meant more shrimp for me.

Here’s an excerpt from today’s interview, along with a link to the rest at Suz’s blog… Continue reading That time I was interviewed by Suz Jones while her cat ate my book

Evidence shows even “Grimm” actresses need humor between takes

image The elite HATSOL (Humor at the Speed of Life) Surveillance Team, utilizing a tiny camera cleverly hidden inside an inconspicuous fake poinsettia, has penetrated the high security that surrounds filming of NBC’s Grimm in Portland, Ore. After several hours and dozens of images of people pointing to the poinsettia with a quizzical expression, this photo of Grimm actress Jennifer Connor reading my book between takes was captured.

“I love your book, so I’m doing my best to get it out there in weird places. Or at least out of the bathroom,” Jennifer said to an anonymous HATSOL team member posing as a poinsettia wrangler on the set. “But really — a poinsettia?”

Hey, there was a clearance after the holidays…

This review explains why my book is a must-have for any bathroom

image It’s the kind of review every writer dreams of. Especially after a late-night binge of questionable Chinese leftovers you found at the back of the fridge, behind what might have been stuffing from Thanksgiving. I say this because only then could you dream of a review as creative as this one by writer, blogger and awesomeness crusader Tom Nardone, who posted his review of Humor at the Speed of Life yesterday. While I can’t say Tom is the first person to tell me my book has made their bathroom time more productive, his review is certainly the most in-depth analysis as to why…

I am Tom Nardone and I just spent a week with Ned Hickson. I don’t know what you did last week, but it was not as much fun as the time Ned and I had. Let me tell you what a great host he was.

Ned figuratively took me to places, and showed me things I never knew existed. He took me from the scene of the removal of a giant, dead, beached whale, to the set of a country music video. He took me to the United States Olympic Winter Games in Utah. He managed to cover this with me in detail. The amazing part of this is he was never there himself. I still can’t figure out how he did this. (Read the rest of the review here)

World’s smartest (looking) dog praises my book; denies any treats involved

Literary critic Nicholas H. Sheltie personally presents the Distinguished Dookie Award
Literary critic Nicholas H. Sheltie personally presents the Dookie of Distinction Award

As copies of Humor at the Speed of Life continue to wash up arrive on both coasts here in the U.S., as well as in countries generally accessible only by boat, so has praise from some of the literary world’s most respected critics. Among them, Nicholas H. Sheltie, who has awarded HATSOL with the coveted Dookie of Distinction Award after calling it:

“Arfuably the best backyard reading I have encountered since my days at the kennel. Inspirational. Three poos up, way up!

Though the notoriously reclusive Sheltie was unavailable for further comment, his press agent, S. Henry DaFrankmann, said “The Dookie of Distinction Award is so coveted because it is handed out with irregularity.” Continue reading World’s smartest (looking) dog praises my book; denies any treats involved

Do you feel a draft? It’s time to revise your manuscript

Do you feel a draft? Hey, it’s Friday! What? Still not good enough? What if I also told you it’s time for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing! Okay fine. But it’s still Friday and you should be happy. I know I am. Especially after Publisher’s Weekly recently called my Nickel’s Worth “…writing tips that are worth every penny, unless you factor in the cost of inflation.” So we obviously both have a lot to be thankful for today. However, before we get to this week’s NWOW, I’d like to point out how the image accompanying this post is…

Uhhh ladies? Eyes over here please.

Thank you. As I was saying, the image is one I’m sure many of you remember — some in amazing detail. Although my wife still isn’t completely convinced, I’d like to clarify those are not my actual cheeks. Sorry. But as a journalist, I felt the need to explain that in the interest of full disclosure. And the image for THAT post will remain somewhere on my wife’s iPod. Just like the image above, this post — which is about the importance of manuscript revision — is probably one you remember.

Okay, just the cheeks then.

I still feel a need to explain why I’m re-running a post from last year instead of something new, the reasons for which are a mixed blessing. And by that I don’t mean there is a priest standing behind me with his hand raised saying, “Um, I’m still not sure about this, Ned. Let’s talk about your mid-20s again…” Continue reading Do you feel a draft? It’s time to revise your manuscript

Unidentified Canadian man, dog (also Canadian) caught with copy of my book

image Another compelling photo contributed by members of the elite HATSOL (Humor at the Speed of Life) surveillance team has arrived, providing evidence that 1) Canadians love sharing a laugh with their pets, and 2) Canadian pets aren’t as easily amused.

As always, we’ve gone to great lengths to protect the identity of the individuals in the photograph, utilizing the latest technology to ensure their privacy isn’t jeopardized. So don’t even bother asking me who it is because I won’t tell you. And definitely think twice before trying to trick me into revealing their identities with some clever device, such as pretending to ask an innocent question like, “Hey, isn’t that Whats-his-name and his dog So-and-so?”

Due to my years of training as an investigative journalist, my conditioned response will be a swift, “No, that isn’t Whats-his-name and his dog So-and-so, and I wouldn’t tell you it was Ross Murray and his dog Bella even if it was — so don’t even try.” Continue reading Unidentified Canadian man, dog (also Canadian) caught with copy of my book

Me, myself and why: Learn to avoid yourself when writing in first-person

image It’s time for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, a weekly feature that Publishers Digest has called “Tips from a writer worth his salt. And we all know how expensive salt is…” For those who might be visiting for the first time, perhaps at gun point (thanks Mom!), this is when I draw upon my 15 years as a newspaper columnist to offer writing tips some people have mistaken as insightful. Occasionally even inflammatory. Depending on what they ate the night before. I’d like to point out that today’s topic actually came from blogger Michelle at MamaMickTerry, who asked:

What are the compositional and elemental changes in astral rock once it passes through a solar flare?

Since she is the first person to ever ask me that question, we will be talking about first-person perspective in writing, and why it’s important to avoid overuse of “I” “Me” “My” and “Astral Rock.” Continue reading Me, myself and why: Learn to avoid yourself when writing in first-person