Tag: writing

Sorry everyone, I owe you all a Nickel’s Worth

image Much like the “perfect storm” that led to my pole-dancing fail earlier this week, I’m about to perform another face-plant — in literary terms at least (which is kind of good because, to be honest, I don’t think my nose could take another actual face-plant.) The good news is that an NPR affiliate in Eugene, Ore., radio station KLCC, wants to interview me about the book. A radio spot is a perfect venue for me because, well… C’mon, you’ve seen what I look like! This means doing some preparation before Monday morning.

And by “preparation,” I mean for the interview. Not my face; that would take more than a weekend. Continue reading Sorry everyone, I owe you all a Nickel’s Worth

Even a writer’s muse needs romance

I found this heart in my hair paste this morning; a gift from my Muse.
I found this heart in my hair paste this morning; a gift from my Muse.
Because this week’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing happens to fall on Valentine’s Day, it makes sense that we focus on tips for writing intimate love scenes. Or more specifically, how to effectively insert (see what I just did there?) descriptive phrases like:

“He grabbed her bare shoulders, caressing them with the kind of longing one only reserves for fresh-baked bread …”

And

“She de-pansed him in one quick motion, opening a floodgate of memories from freshman gym class…”

As you can see, this is a genre I am intimately familiar with because, as I’ve said before, you need to write what you know. And believe me, when it comes to intimacy no one knows it better than myself. That said, as a personal favor to 50 Shades author E.L. James, I will actually NOT be offering insights regarding the the ins-and-outs (See how I did that?) of writing descriptive lovemaking scenes. The reason is because her latest book, “14 Shades of Puce” is due out later today, and she is concerned many of you would recognize some of the techniques I would be discussing today.

In short, that “fresh bread” example wasn’t something I pulled out (are you following these?) just willy-nilly (Subtlety is important). Continue reading Even a writer’s muse needs romance

According to this review, my book could be the next Magic 8-Ball

Robyn Lawson, aka ""Blog Woman!" consults my book for its wisdom. Keep looking, Robyn...
Robyn L., aka “Blog Woman!” consults my book for its wisdom. Keep looking, Robyn…
Before getting to the most recent review of my book, I have been instructed by my lawyer to issue the following disclaimer:

Warning: Humor at the Speed of Life should not be considered a substitute for a certified life coach, or used as guide in making major life decisions, or even deciding on what to have for dinner. Should you decide to use it for this purpose by randomly picking passages in a fashion similar to a Magic 8-Ball, results may vary, particularly if you happen to choose anything from the section Women are from Venus and Men Won’t Ask for Directions.

That said, I’d like to thank Robyn L. from Blog Woman!!! for this insightful review that has made my lawyer more nervous than Justin Bieber getting dropped off in Compton… Continue reading According to this review, my book could be the next Magic 8-Ball

Evidence shows even “Grimm” actresses need humor between takes

image The elite HATSOL (Humor at the Speed of Life) Surveillance Team, utilizing a tiny camera cleverly hidden inside an inconspicuous fake poinsettia, has penetrated the high security that surrounds filming of NBC’s Grimm in Portland, Ore. After several hours and dozens of images of people pointing to the poinsettia with a quizzical expression, this photo of Grimm actress Jennifer Connor reading my book between takes was captured.

“I love your book, so I’m doing my best to get it out there in weird places. Or at least out of the bathroom,” Jennifer said to an anonymous HATSOL team member posing as a poinsettia wrangler on the set. “But really — a poinsettia?”

Hey, there was a clearance after the holidays…

This review explains why my book is a must-have for any bathroom

image It’s the kind of review every writer dreams of. Especially after a late-night binge of questionable Chinese leftovers you found at the back of the fridge, behind what might have been stuffing from Thanksgiving. I say this because only then could you dream of a review as creative as this one by writer, blogger and awesomeness crusader Tom Nardone, who posted his review of Humor at the Speed of Life yesterday. While I can’t say Tom is the first person to tell me my book has made their bathroom time more productive, his review is certainly the most in-depth analysis as to why…

I am Tom Nardone and I just spent a week with Ned Hickson. I don’t know what you did last week, but it was not as much fun as the time Ned and I had. Let me tell you what a great host he was.

Ned figuratively took me to places, and showed me things I never knew existed. He took me from the scene of the removal of a giant, dead, beached whale, to the set of a country music video. He took me to the United States Olympic Winter Games in Utah. He managed to cover this with me in detail. The amazing part of this is he was never there himself. I still can’t figure out how he did this. (Read the rest of the review here)

Do you feel a draft? It’s time to revise your manuscript

Do you feel a draft? Hey, it’s Friday! What? Still not good enough? What if I also told you it’s time for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing! Okay fine. But it’s still Friday and you should be happy. I know I am. Especially after Publisher’s Weekly recently called my Nickel’s Worth “…writing tips that are worth every penny, unless you factor in the cost of inflation.” So we obviously both have a lot to be thankful for today. However, before we get to this week’s NWOW, I’d like to point out how the image accompanying this post is…

Uhhh ladies? Eyes over here please.

Thank you. As I was saying, the image is one I’m sure many of you remember — some in amazing detail. Although my wife still isn’t completely convinced, I’d like to clarify those are not my actual cheeks. Sorry. But as a journalist, I felt the need to explain that in the interest of full disclosure. And the image for THAT post will remain somewhere on my wife’s iPod. Just like the image above, this post — which is about the importance of manuscript revision — is probably one you remember.

Okay, just the cheeks then.

I still feel a need to explain why I’m re-running a post from last year instead of something new, the reasons for which are a mixed blessing. And by that I don’t mean there is a priest standing behind me with his hand raised saying, “Um, I’m still not sure about this, Ned. Let’s talk about your mid-20s again…” Continue reading Do you feel a draft? It’s time to revise your manuscript

Unidentified Canadian man, dog (also Canadian) caught with copy of my book

image Another compelling photo contributed by members of the elite HATSOL (Humor at the Speed of Life) surveillance team has arrived, providing evidence that 1) Canadians love sharing a laugh with their pets, and 2) Canadian pets aren’t as easily amused.

As always, we’ve gone to great lengths to protect the identity of the individuals in the photograph, utilizing the latest technology to ensure their privacy isn’t jeopardized. So don’t even bother asking me who it is because I won’t tell you. And definitely think twice before trying to trick me into revealing their identities with some clever device, such as pretending to ask an innocent question like, “Hey, isn’t that Whats-his-name and his dog So-and-so?”

Due to my years of training as an investigative journalist, my conditioned response will be a swift, “No, that isn’t Whats-his-name and his dog So-and-so, and I wouldn’t tell you it was Ross Murray and his dog Bella even if it was — so don’t even try.” Continue reading Unidentified Canadian man, dog (also Canadian) caught with copy of my book

My 2013 year in review (Or why I’m moving to Sydney)

The image from my most popular post for 2013, which was also Freshly Pressed. Apparently, a lot of people like VW vans.
The image from my most popular post for 2013, which was also Freshly Pressed. Apparently, a lot of people like VW vans.
My thanks to The WordPress.com stats helper-monkeys for preparing this 2013 wrap-up for my blog, but mostly I want to thank all of YOU for making this past year what it was — and this blog for what it has become. And even though I don’t know what that is exactly, I do know it is distracting 1,302 more people now than it was last year at this time. I also know the search term “Naked Ned” drove the most traffic here.

Mostly from Australia.

What this tells me is that, in addition to Australia’s obvious high standards in nude men named Ned, my chance at landing an Outback Steakhouse endorsement is still alive and well in 2014.

Here’s why I’m planning a visit to Australia…

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 33,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 12 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

And keep in mind that’s without any mention of showing off my Bloomin’ Onion.

Again, my sincerest thanks to everyone who not only found this corner of the blog-o-sphere in 2013 but, for reasons I’m sure are a frequent topic of discussion with your psychiatrists, keep coming back…

For the full Monty on the highlights of 2013, please click here

One of the biggest mistakes in my life? The time I quit writing

image Hello and welcome to what Modern Blogger Magazine has called “The Most Popular Weekly Feature on the Internet, at least on Fridays, for sites named Ned’s Blog, and not counting porn sites with the same name.” I’m obviously VERY excited about this distinction! Although, not being one of those sites, my excitement is a little more discreet. Not to say my excitement isn’t enormous! It’s actually huge!

Wait… this isn’t coming out right at all. I just mean that if you could see me right now, you’d know I’m very happy… DANG IT! I’m going to quit while I’m a head.

Anyway, for those who might be visiting for the first time, assuming you are still reading after that opening, my Nickel’s Worth on Writing is that day each week when I take insights gained through 15 years as a newspaper columnist and offer them up, much like a sampler platter at Applebee’s, except without one of those mysterious extra crispy French fries mixed in with your chicken strips. In fact, my NWOW has been mentioned by best-selling author John Grisham as “The first place I go when I need ideas for new lawsuit stories.”

High praise indeed! But enough with the accolades! Continue reading One of the biggest mistakes in my life? The time I quit writing

Join me for a blog hop and watch me pull a muscle

image As some of you know, in addition to this blog, I’m also a contributor at a literary website called Gliterary Girl. It’s an excellent website focusing primarily on women authors, book reviews and the publishing industry. Let’s be honest: I’m not a woman — and I’m pretty sure they know this. Assuming, of course, they are aware I am posting on their website. If not, they’ll find out soon because, in addition to being the only male contributor, I am also participating in Gliterary Girl’s Holiday Blog Hop.

As 50 Shades character Anastasia Steele, would say: “I’ve never done this before, so I should probably stretch first.”

In my case, however, the only stretching required will be revealing my personal holiday wish list. This is technically a stretch for me because I haven’t made a Christmas wish list since I was 9, when I asked for a fully posable Six Million Dollar Man action figure and received, instead, a more financially prudent and fully bendable six dollar art mannequin. Continue reading Join me for a blog hop and watch me pull a muscle