Tag: journalism

Sometimes, just running the race is what matters most

image Well folks, after eight weeks of asking you to vote for me, and in some cases threatening dance on your front lawn in my red thong if you didn’t (You know who you are), my pursuit of “Performer of the Year” at The Public Blogger came to end yesterday after placing third in the latest round.

While I was disappointed at first for not reaching the finals, it quickly dissipated as I thought about what these past two months have meant to me in terms of how incredibly fortunate I am in my life to have so much support in what I do. From my family and friends, my home town to all of you in the blogosphere, each week I received so much incredible support and encouragament in this endeavor which, truth be told, was exhausting. There were a few times I questioned whether I had gotten myself into something beyond my scope. Being the only humor columnist in a group of poets, photographers and recording artists was a bit like being the only lamb at a coyote picnic; you can’t help but wonder if you’ve gotten the wrong invitation.  Continue reading Sometimes, just running the race is what matters most

Teaming up with my wife today (just like at night) has its perks

image As I mentioned in this morning’s post, for those of you following my pursuit of “Performer of the Year” in the the A Star is Born competition at The Public Blogger, this week’s round is a doubleheader in which I had the privilege of teaming up with my lovely wife.

For me, nothing as as good as when I can share it with her. Things are always better that way. And I’ll just leave it at that.

So, as much fun as it has been participating in this competition, having the chance to share the experience with her this week has been the best so far. The challenge for this round, which will determine the Final Two as we head into the last round next week, is called “Imitation of Life.” The objective being to demonstrate through words and a video, whether your art is an imitation of your life or a representation of it. For the first part of today’s challenge, my wife’s task was to offer an inside look to reveal “the truth” about who I am.

And without using any of that footage of me in a red thong.  Continue reading Teaming up with my wife today (just like at night) has its perks

Today, I’m at my wife’s mercy… and that’s OK with me

image As many of you know, I’ve spent the last seven weeks competing for “Perfomer of the year” at The Public Blogger.

As many of you also know, I’m crazy in love with my wife.

Today, the two come together.

That’s because my wife, along with family members of fellow nominees Rebecca Lemke and Oscar Alejandro Plascencia, were asked to submit their own video presentations as part of Round VIII: Imitation of Life.

I have no idea what my wife will be submitting on my behalf. All I know is that she does NOT have access to any of my red thong footage. I also know that I love and trust her implicitly. And that, as far as I can remember, she’s not mad at me about anything. Continue reading Today, I’m at my wife’s mercy… and that’s OK with me

How to prepare yourself to see ‘The Force Awakens’

(I’m over at Long Awkward Pause today, still giddy with a Star Wars hangover…)

image Last night I was among those relative few who, either through luck or Jedi mind trick, got to see the premier of what is arguably the biggest release in movie history. And by “arguably” I mean we could argue about it, but you would be wrong. Should you continue to argue, I will have a Wookie pull your arms out of their sockets.

While I’m not going to give away any surprises (Chewbacca sees an electrologist on Tatooine!), let me put your fears to rest that J.J. Abrams has created a perfect blend of nostalgia and new adventure, tied together with engaging characters who, unlike the last trilogy, don’t appear to be rehearsing for an episode of “The Young and the Restless.”

In short: I will be seeing this movie again.

Soon.

Likely several times. Or at least until someone notices I’ve been in the same theater for four straight days. Probably because of the smell. (More at Long Awkward Pause…)

Sorry, but ‘The Force’ will be with me sooner than you

imageBy this time tomorrow, one of the staff members over at Long Awkward Pause will be cooler than the rest.

Except for Brainrants.

No one is cooler than ‘Rants. Mostly because you can leave off half his name and it still sounds cool. Try that with any other writers there and the result sounds like someone grunting in the bathroom stall next to you:

“Awari!”

“Geish!”

“Ogdram!”

“Ned!”

However, I don’t care. Why? Because tonight, while everyone else is lying awake wondering if Luke Skywalker is actually the new villian with the candelabra-style lightsaber in the Star Wars trailers, and if so does that mean Jewish people have more midiclorians than the rest of us, I will have the answer to that burning question and more.  Continue reading Sorry, but ‘The Force’ will be with me sooner than you

Revealing myself… WAIT, it’s not what you think!

Yes, that really is me (on the left)
Yes, that really is me (on the left)

When other people talk about me, it’s usually behind my back. Not that I’m paranoid.

I just… know it.

So naturally, our next challenge in the “Performer of the Year” competition at The Public Blogger is to put together a special two-part presentation revealing who we are through the eyes of others. As you might expect, this meant soliciting people to talk about me in front of my back — the objective being to offer a revealing look into whether we are an imitation or representation of our art.

I don’t know what all that means, but I’m repeating it here in hope of sounding highly sophisticated and artistic.

Now before I show you the clips below, I promise you that “revealing” who I am does not involve any undergarments. This time.  Continue reading Revealing myself… WAIT, it’s not what you think!

In case you missed it, I was elected President last night. Sort of…

image

If you follow me on Facebook along with 20,000 other….

Hold on a second. Sorry, the cat walked across the keyboard.

I mean, 200 other people, then you probably already know our “Dempublican Campaign” submission won this week’s round in the “Performance of the Year” competition at The Public Blogger — Ranking me back at No. 1 as we head into Round 8 this Sunday.

However, if you don’t follow me on Facebook along with 200,000,000 others (no cat this time), then you probably haven’t slept all night because you’ve been writhing with anticipation! If there’s any other kind of writhing involved from last night, please keep it to yourself.  Continue reading In case you missed it, I was elected President last night. Sort of…

It’s time for change in politics (unless you’re wearing a diaper)

image As I mentioned Friday, as a candidate representing the new Dempublican Party, I am running for President of the United States.

Tonight.

No, you didn’t pull a VanWinkle and sleep through the last year while watching reruns of The Kardashians. My campaign is part of this week’s challenge to win “Performer of the Year” in The Public Blogger’s A Star is Born competition. Think of it as The Oscars of the blogging world meets The Apprentice, then gets dropped into Hell’s Kitchen — except hosted by Ryan Seacrest.

Unbeknownst (I can mark that word off my bucket list now) to us, the competition actually began months ago with 700 bloggers from around the world, all of whom were judged by an “Inner Circle” of panelists based on our individual artistic merits.

Yes, I see your mouth has dropped open much like mine, but I assure you my inclusion as the only humorist to reach the final 12 wasn’t a mistake. And if it was, it’s too late now. I already bought stationary and I’m not taking it back.  Continue reading It’s time for change in politics (unless you’re wearing a diaper)

Yes, you heard it right; I’m running for President (this week)

image If you’ve been following me in my pursuit of “Performer of the Year” in the A Star is Born competition at The Public Blogger, then you know I’ve made the Final Four!

*sound of old dog stretching*

If you haven’t been following because you’ve had more important things to do, such as flipping your couch cushions and wiping down the power chords, I understand.

Shame on you.

But I still understand.

To bring you up to speed, we are now in week 49… ok, it’s actually week 7, but it feels like 49. Or at least I feel like 49. Probably because I am. Which I usually don’t. But my back has been bothering me lately and I think I have a growth near my… oh wait, I think that’s actually supposed to be there.

Whew! Feeling better already!  Continue reading Yes, you heard it right; I’m running for President (this week)

Ned’s Low-cal holiday treats that won’t cause vomiting

imageUnless you’re a hyperactive nine-year-old fueled by Pixie Sticks and Hostess Cupcakes without an ounce of concern for weight-gain because concern is the ONLY ounce you’re going to gain this holiday season, then you’re like the rest of us trying to get through the next six weeks without looking like Jabba the Hutt’s stunt double.

What this means is finding a healthy balance between satisfying your God-given right to partake in all of those delicious holiday treats while, at the same time, adhering to the God-given Commandment to avoid gluttony.

Yes, the Lord does indeed work in mysterious ways. Take fruitcake for example…

No, seriously. Please take mine.

That’s because over the next few weeks I’ll be sharing quick and easy holiday recipe tips that are both low-calorie and delicious! And not just because “quick and easy” is my pet name.

Today, I am going to show you how to make a cup of hot chocolate that you can drink as an alternative to buttered rum or egg nog, which are not only high in calories but also lead to drunken fights about that time you — again, after too many buttered rums — made a snow angel in the front yard wearing nothing but a Santa hat.

In August.  Continue reading Ned’s Low-cal holiday treats that won’t cause vomiting