Tag: media

Tools for thought… or food for your toolbox… or something like that

image A while back, I talked about three of the most important tools a writer wields when it comes to establishing their voice. Does anyone remember what they were?

For the sake of time and my feelings, let’s just assume the rest of you remember what those tools were and, in a series of uncontrollable outbursts, begin shouting out the following:

TIMING!

TRUTHFULNESS!

and…

CUERVO!

No, the third tool is RELATIVITY — not Cuervo. Even though I think we can all agree Cuervo does have a way of making even the most abstract things seem relevant.

In this case, however, Relativity means ensuring the reader can relate to what we’re writing about. This is especially true when it comes to personal experience and family anecdotes. For example, that hilarious story about how Aunt Frida got mad and stomped through the garden won’t be nearly as entertaining to readers as it is to you unless, like you, they already know Aunt Frida was a mule. I realize that’s an overstatement, but unless you take time to lay the foundation of your story in a way that involves the reader, they will likely sit down and refuse to follow. Continue reading Tools for thought… or food for your toolbox… or something like that

I’m sorry, Colleen — you won a copy of my book. Can we still be friends?

imageDepending on how your office Christmas party went, some of you may remember last week’s Holiday Blog Hop, hosted by Gliterary Girl Media, and how fate — in the form of a random drawing involving nearly 50 names and a wild, blindfolded squirrel named “Skippy” — meant some unfortunate soul was going to win a free copy of my new book, Humor at the Speed of Life.

I’m here to report, after completing an arduous selection process with the help of “Skippy” (followed by a brief visit to the emergency room), an unsuspecting victim a lucky winner has been selected!

What is particularly exciting is that, even after being informed of what she won, Colleen at the blog Slow Writer is still willing to accept her prize! In fact, in that dizzying moment when she received the heart-pounding news, her exact words were: “Oh, great… Wait! Isn’t there a coupon for a free Bloomin’ Onion on the back?!?” Continue reading I’m sorry, Colleen — you won a copy of my book. Can we still be friends?

Hold on to that knob! It’s time to revisit The Door in our newsroom

The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance): Sentinel of journalistic history and guardian of our commode since 1971.
The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance): Sentinel of journalistic history and guardian of our commode since 1971.
There’s no need to rub your eyes or splash cold water on your face! And you, the one banging your head with a ream of copy paper: Stop that.

What you’re seeing is REAL.

That truly is The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance), which is the most important door in our two-door newsroom. Not just because it leads to the commode, but also because it displays the best and worst examples of print journalism clipped and taped there by reporters at Siuslaw News since the 1970s. We like to think of The Door as the Smithsonian of journalistic history, except with the occasional sound of flushing. As I mentioned a couple of months ago when I closed The Door after it’s year-long run as a weekly feature here, I would re-open it under the following conditions:

1) A new example of print journalism Shame, Blame or Brilliance has been deemed worthy of inclusion

And

2) Our delivery guy, “Joe,” hasn’t used the commode in at least two days

As you’ve probably guessed by now, each of these incredibly strict criteria has been met! (And if you haven’t guessed that by now, a position in Walmart security is waiting for you.) What this means is that we will be participating in an extremely rare induction ceremony for The Door, which hasn’t occurred since running out of glue sticks and adhesives in the mid 1980s. Continue reading Hold on to that knob! It’s time to revisit The Door in our newsroom

The Walking Dead may trip over this week’s edition of The Box

image Welcome to The Box, an exciting Tuesday feature that combines the drama of investigative journalism with the thrill of a wild, blindfolded squirrel. Think of it as “BJ and the Bear,” but with the potential of “Bear” biting “BJ” and giving him rabies.

Each week, I put my 15 years of journalistic experience to the test by identifying a randomly chosen photograph that has remained unclaimed in our newsroom since as far back as the 1980s. What makes this feature especially riveting, aside from its well-timed use of exclamation points! (see?!), is the selection process, which involves:

1) Me dumping The Box of photos directly onto the floor, and
2) Yelling “RELEASE THE SQUIRREL!” before turning “Skippy” loose in the newsroom.

The photo nearest the first person who screams is selected!

Make sense? Of course not! But that’s just the rabies talking. Continue reading The Walking Dead may trip over this week’s edition of The Box

The Box offers more proof the elderly can’t be trusted

Each week, "Skippy" helps us select a photo from The Box. At least, as long as we have health coverage.
Each week, “Skippy” helps us select a photo from The Box. At least, as long as we have health coverage.
It’s Tuesday! That means I have dumped the contents of The Box onto the floor of our newsroom and, in a few moments, I will RELEASE THE SQUIRREL!

However, as I mentioned last week, I have begun to lose the element of surprise now that my fellow reporters are familiar with this weekly ritual. So, to switch things up, I am going to cut the lights seconds before announcing the release of “Skippy,” our wild, blindfolded and slightly rabid squirrel.

Given that our newsroom has no windows, it will be pitch black once I flip the switch.

Here it goes…. Continue reading The Box offers more proof the elderly can’t be trusted

The mystery of The Box continues. (Just take my word for it)

"Skippy" the wild, blindfolded squirrel in his natural habitat. At least on Tuesday mornings...
“Skippy” the wild, blindfolded squirrel in his natural habitat. At least on Tuesday mornings…
Every Tuesday here at Siuslaw News, I re-enact the climactic scene from Clash of the Titans when, without warning, I suddenly holler: “RELEASE THE SQUIRREL!” And although “Skippy” the wild, blindfolded squirrel is no Kraken, he is just as terrifying to anyone trapped in our newsroom at the time of his release. Not only because I believe he is partially rabid, but also because it means it’s time for The Box: That mysterious collection of unidentified photographs that have remained unclaimed in our newsroom since the 1980s.

Each week, I randomly select a photo by dumping The Box of photographs onto the floor of our newsroom and then releasing “Skippy.” The photo closest to the person who screams first is chosen. Since our debut of The Box four weeks ago, we’ve lost three high school interns and a guy restocking the vending machine. This morning, no one quit or left the building screaming, which tells me I am slowly losing the element of surprise. So this morning I had to settle for the photo “Skippy” decided to chew on while defecating on the chair of a fellow reporter who will begin screaming shortly after she arrives. Continue reading The mystery of The Box continues. (Just take my word for it)

Don’t become your own expendable character; utilize writer survivor skills

image I think we can all agree it’s Friday! For those who can’t agree, you are welcome to think it’s Thursday. But don’t come crying to the rest of us when you show up to an empty office tomorrow dressed in jeans and a casual dress shirt. For the rest of you, today is also the day I dispense my Nickel’s Worth on Writing: a weekly feature on writing that has been recognized by the prestigious trade magazine Publishers Weekly as “…a weekly post…each and every week…”

But you didn’t come here to read gushing accolades!

Over the years, my wife has gotten used to my (admittedly bad) habit of leaning over and whispering “expendable character” whenever I see someone who I know is going to die. I should clarify I only make these predictions while watching movies, and not, as a general rule, at the grocery store, in hospital waiting rooms or at family reunions. That’s because in movies, these types of characters are easy to spot. Continue reading Don’t become your own expendable character; utilize writer survivor skills

Today proves The Box is part of a higher power (or someone was high)

I'm not sure if "Skippy" bites. Actually, I'm not even sure if he's a squirrel. Or a "he."
I’m not sure if “Skippy” bites. Actually, I’m not even sure if he’s a squirrel. Or a “he.”
That scream you just heard, depending on you proximity to our newsroom, can only mean one thing! Ok, possibly two, but I haven’t written in the nude for at least a month. That means today’s scream was the result of releasing a wild, blindfolded squirrel into the newsroom.

Why?

Because it’s time once again to randomly choose a photo from our collection of decades-old unclaimed and unidentified photos in The Box here at Siuslaw News.

Before I reveal this week’s photo, I must admit I was shocked that an image of its importance and religious significance had been sitting in The Box for the last 20 to 30 years. I called The Vatican and was told a special team of trained investigators would be dispatched to verify the authenticity of this photo, just as soon as they were done disproving claims that Sean “Puffy” Combs is a deity. “Given that he is the only one to make these claims, it shouldn’t take long,” said the Vatican representative I spoke with. Continue reading Today proves The Box is part of a higher power (or someone was high)

Giving a good interview means revealing yourself (and other reasons I won’t be in Playgirl)

It’s time once again for Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, a weekly feature in which I utilize my 15 years as a columnist to offer advice that has been heralded by Oprah Winfrey as “possibly someone in our Book Club, I think.” This week’s NWOW is going to be a bit of a departure. Not because Oprah is flying us all to Chicago, but because I had the privilege of being interviewed by A Drip of Truth, a blog about writers and writing, hosted by the talented R.G. Dole. It’s also a departure because, after looking back over this interview, I realized I actually said some things that could be interpreted as helpful…

image 1) What’s your name? Where can we find you? Blog? Twitter? Facebook?

Without question, the introduction part of this interview would be a lot better if I had a really cool name like “Blaze” or “Vin.”

My name is Ned, which doesn’t set an exciting tone.

However, if all goes well, we’ve just passed through the low point of this interview. I’ve been a newspaper humor columnist for 15 years, the last year of which has been in syndication through News Media Corporation. A began blogging a little over a year ago and, after careful consideration and meeting with a team of marketing analysts, titled my blog with the compelling name: Ned’s Blog. I’m also on Twitter and Facebook. To be honest, I’m still not sure why — but I’m told it will help me establish a media empire rivaling our local public access channel… (Read more here)

… This Just In …

image

…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…

[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our newsroom…]

Each week, our entire editorial staff — all four of us — gathers for a meeting to discuss what we’ll be reporting on, any upcoming news-worthy events, and individual assignments. After 15 years, my editor has learned to stop asking why I attend these meetings. Case in point: Today’s editorial meeting… Continue reading … This Just In …