Tag: Ned Hickson

Photo suggests existence of car-stealing Leprechaun

"Skippy" the rabid, blindfolded squirrel.
“Skippy” the rabid, blindfolded squirrel.
There are a handful of battle cries that have become so deeply woven into the fabric of our culture that they are iconic and timeless:

“REMEMBER THE ALAMO!”
“WE FREE MEN!”
“BANZAI!”
“RELEASE THE SQUIRREL!”

Okay, so that last one may only be iconic on this blog. Nonetheless, it’s a battle cry that goes out every Tuesday, moments before I let “Skippy” the rabid, blindfolded squirrel loose in our newsroom. At first glance, this doesn’t seem to make any sense. But, just like one of those 3D paintings, keep looking at it and things become clear. If you continue staring, though, there’s a good chance Skippy will bite you. So to save time — and possibly a series of rabies vaccine injections — I’ll take a moment to explain what’s going on here.

Each Tuesday, I utilize my investigative journalism skills to determine the circumstances within a photo selected from The Box: a collection of unidentified photos that have remained unclaimed in our newsroom since the 1980s. Think of it as an early form of Snap-Chat, except without all the nude selfies. Continue reading Photo suggests existence of car-stealing Leprechaun

Caught on video: Proof of why I’ll never be a pole dancer

image The three elements of a “Perfect Storm” came together here on the Oregon coast today:

Extremely strong winds
Heavy rain
My weak acrobatic skills.

This is always a dangerous combination. Especially when my family suggests I do something funny, like pretend the wind is lifting me off the ground. Under normal circumstance — such as sitting on the couch, completely dry and nowhere near a pole — this would not have been a problem. But as we made our way through the school parking lot fighting the wind and rain, the third element of this Perfect Storm scenario developed.

“Honey, you should do that pole thing where you lift your legs up like it’s windy,” my wife suggested. “I’ll get a picture!”
“But it really IS windy,” I replied.”
“Exactly! It’ll look even funnier!”
Naturally, my response was what you’d expect from a 47-year-old man with limited health coverage.

“OKAY!”

After taking the above photo, we all had a good laugh. Then my loving wife suggested we take it up a notch. “Hey, let’s do a video of it!” Continue reading Caught on video: Proof of why I’ll never be a pole dancer

Rising injury rate causes Olympic Committee to question Met-Life sponsorship

(For those who are wondering how this post could qualify as a Flashback Sunday when, in fact, the Sochi Olympics are still going on, I say to you: Job well done. As I would expect from a reader of this blog, nothing gets past you. For those of you who aren’t even aware of the Olympics, I say to you: It’s time to put down your pirated copy of Flappy Birds and join the rest of us. Either way, today’s post is still a flashback of sorts, to earlier this morning, when I filed this Olympic report at Long Awkward Pause…)

image SOCHI, RUSSIA — Already being referred to as the “Ow-lympics” by many athletes, the Sochi games officially became the most injury-ridden winter Olympics ever when, late last night, Ukranian hockey player Watta Jerkoph broke his ankle. According to reports, the incident occurred when Bob Costas was returning to his room with a bucket of ice.

“From what we’ve been able to piece together, Mr. Costas, who was supposed to be confined to his room with an eye infection, accidentally spilled some cubes in the hallway,” said an investigator. “Several of the cubes landed near the room of Russian figure skater Ineeda Cleavitch, who Jerkoph had been visiting to discuss his slap shot. When the athlete was returning to his room, he encountered the melting ice and slipped.”

While the injury wasn’t immediately life threatening, one Olympic physician expressed the need for caution. “You never know how these injuries will go. Especially once his wife finds out.” (Read more here…)

Even a writer’s muse needs romance

I found this heart in my hair paste this morning; a gift from my Muse.
I found this heart in my hair paste this morning; a gift from my Muse.
Because this week’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing happens to fall on Valentine’s Day, it makes sense that we focus on tips for writing intimate love scenes. Or more specifically, how to effectively insert (see what I just did there?) descriptive phrases like:

“He grabbed her bare shoulders, caressing them with the kind of longing one only reserves for fresh-baked bread …”

And

“She de-pansed him in one quick motion, opening a floodgate of memories from freshman gym class…”

As you can see, this is a genre I am intimately familiar with because, as I’ve said before, you need to write what you know. And believe me, when it comes to intimacy no one knows it better than myself. That said, as a personal favor to 50 Shades author E.L. James, I will actually NOT be offering insights regarding the the ins-and-outs (See how I did that?) of writing descriptive lovemaking scenes. The reason is because her latest book, “14 Shades of Puce” is due out later today, and she is concerned many of you would recognize some of the techniques I would be discussing today.

In short, that “fresh bread” example wasn’t something I pulled out (are you following these?) just willy-nilly (Subtlety is important). Continue reading Even a writer’s muse needs romance

Aiken says he’s ‘Measure of a Man’ Congress needs

(Some of you may have noticed the new Long Awkward Pause badge off to the right. Go ahead and look… See? And although I would have put it there simply because it looks cool, it actually means I’ve become a regular contributor there beginning today. What follows is a snippet from my first hard-hitting assignment, which included driving to North Carolina to interview Clay Aiken. Here’s a snippet along with a link to the post at LAP. And I promise to never again say “snippet” and “link” together in the same sentence…)

image RALEIGH, N.C. —  My interview with singer and 2003 American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken began with a tour of North Carolina’s second Congressional district. As I sat on the back of his bedazzled Vespa motor scooter, Aiken seemed to take pride in his city, as well as take corners so sharply I had to squeeze his waist. Though he formally announced his bid for Congress a week ago, Aiken told me more than once that he’s no politician.

“I’m no politician!” he shouted over his shoulder, then swerved to avoid a cloud of mosquitoes. “Woooo! Shields down!”

Some speculate that his run against Republican incumbent Renee Ellmers is a publicity stunt aimed at putting him back in the spotlight for the release of his next album, Aiken for Change, which coincidentally happens to be his campaign slogan. When asked about this, the American Idol star abruptly brought the scooter to a stop in a rundown South Raleigh neighborhood known for its high crime rate and low employment. He removed his helmet and raised a finger, prepared to reply with a well-thought rebuttal, then quickly put his helmet back on.

“Oh darn,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to stop in THIS neighborhood!” (More here at LAP)

Evidence found in our newsroom suggests ‘Rose’ looked nothing like Kate Winslet

"Skippy" the rabid, blindfolded squirrel.
“Skippy” the rabid, blindfolded squirrel.
RELEASE THE SQUIRREL!!

Wait! Before you start rifling through your official Winter Olympics program in search of an event that neither you nor the Olympic Committee knew existed because it’s on at 3 a.m., I should clarify that this battle cry has nothing to do with an Alabama-style Biathlon with live squirrels.

What it means is that it’s time once again for The Box, an exciting Tuesday feature that combines the drama of investigative journalism with the thrill of a wild, blindfolded squirrel. Think of Keith Morrison teaming up with John Quinones, except that Keith Morrison has rabies and might bite John Quinones.

Each week, I put my 15 years of journalistic experience to the test by identifying a randomly chosen photograph that has remained unclaimed in our newsroom since as far back as the 1980s. What makes this weekly feature unique is the photo selection process, which involves:

1) Me dumping The Box of photos directly onto the floor, and;

2) Yelling “RELEASE THE SQUIRREL!” before turning “Skippy” loose in our newsroom.

The photo nearest the first person who screams is selected! Continue reading Evidence found in our newsroom suggests ‘Rose’ looked nothing like Kate Winslet

Men: time is runing out if you want to avoid being a Love Dunce

As a public service to men everywhere, I am hereby issuing the following announcement:

Love Dunce Valentine’s Day is this FRIDAY!

If you are married, have a girlfriend or, for reasons of your own, feel a need to continue the charade of dating a Swedish airline stewardess who is always out of town, it’s time to start planning something romantic. For those of you in the latter category, this will be easy since the only person you have to worry about pleasing is yourself.

And, yes — I plan to clarify that last statement immediately.

What I mean is that every male currently in a relationship with an actual living female could, by Feb. 15, all be dating the same fictitious Swedish airline stewardess should they fail to impress their Valentines. As a result, men everywhere are panicking because we know that impressing the women in our lives isn’t easy. We realize that you are complicated creatures who need more than a physical connection when it comes to romance; you also need an emotional outlet in order to feel satisfied.

Men, on the other hand, just need an outlet located near the television. Continue reading Men: time is runing out if you want to avoid being a Love Dunce

Thanks to Alan King, this week’s Nickel’s Worth is on me. Literally.

Alan W. King (photo by Marlene Hawthorne Thomas)
Alan W. King (photo by Marlene Hawthorne Thomas)

For regular readers of this blog, I know what you’re thinking:
“I’ve seen pictures of Ned before, and I remember him being… older. And slightly more Caucasian.”

That’s because it’s a photo of Alan W. King, whose work as a journalist and blogger is best described as continued excellence. I’ve been a follower of his for a while, so when he recently began an interview series called “Writers and Their Process,” I was thrilled when he asked me to be a part of it.

Okay, fine — I screamed like a 13-year-old girl who finds herself on an elevator with Harry Styles. Continue reading Thanks to Alan King, this week’s Nickel’s Worth is on me. Literally.

New Olympic events promise even fewer viewers for biathlon

image Welcome to the final installment of our four-part Winter Olympic preview, 20 Reasons to Be a Summer Olympian! Today, we’ll be introducing the six new and exciting events making their debut — or five really, since one of them is another biathlon event. Okay, four if you consider Team Figure Skating. Of course, there’s also the new Luge Team Relay, which proves there’s no “I” in Luge Team; because unless I can’t find the remote, “I” probably won’t be watching.

But hey! That doesn’t mean we aren’t going to offer the same in-depth look at these events as we are Women’s Ski Jumping, mens and women’s Ski Halfpipe, and the Sochi Commode Relay, which pits the endurance needed for Russian cuisine against a limited number of working toilets. Continue reading New Olympic events promise even fewer viewers for biathlon

Is Pluto a planet or whiner? This and four other questions I answered for The Hook

image Today I had the privilege of riding an elevator with a hotel bellman who simply goes by the name of The Hook. I can only assume it’s a nickname based on his ability to multitask with people’s luggage, and not in reference to a past crime he may or may not have committed. Regardless of the reason, he is a genuinely nice guy with an exceptional sense of humor who likes to ask a lot of questions. By the time we reached my room on the second floor, we had discussed everything from whether Pluto is getting a raw deal, to the best thing about being Justin Bieber. Believe it or not, I actually had answers to those along with three other equally penetrating questions — which I swear isn’t as painful as it sounds.

Here’s the link to our conversation on The Hook…