As you might expect, being a writer is a life of excitement. How much excitement? Not to brag, but I think this seven-second video will give you some indication of the kind of pandemonium that breaks out when I arrive for a book signing. This was the scene yesterday as I entered Cottage Grove, Ore.
Indeed, this is when you know you have finally arrived as a writer.
Who cares if no one else knows? I mean besides the crickets and the guy I asked for directions…
Ask just about any man, and he’ll tell you this past week has been a tough one thanks to the triple-threat of Valentine’s Day, the release of 50 Shades of Grey AND (What’s my safe word!) confirmation of Magic Mike XXL — which I assume means the other 29 sequels to Magic Mike must’ve gone straight to DVD?
Whatever the case, producers say Magic Mike’s plan for a major release everywhere in July is firm, and any talk of an earlier release would be premature — and only through a soft opening.
My point is, all this talk has many men a bit shellshocked from trying to measure up to the unrealistic standards set by Christian Grey and Magic Mike. Especially while trying to compete with the experience of IMAX 3D and THX Surround Sound. Sadly, this has prompted some men to try duplicating the movie experience by using a Mr. Microphone and providing their lovers with a magnifying glass. Continue reading When it comes to 50 Shades of Magic Mike, let me be the voice of reason
Don’t bother giving your coffee an extra stir, or rubbing your eyes in disbelief, because you read it right! This week’s retrospective of The Door is offering THREE … Three…three (that’s an echo) examples of journalistic Shame, Blame and Brilliance!
For those of you knocking on The Door for the first time…
Go Away!
Haha! Just kidding! The more the merrier! In fact, “the more the merrier” is what the fire marshal has deemed to be the maximum occupancy level in our newsroom, depending on whether anyone in the group has eaten lunch at the Enfermo Taco.
Before we begin, as always, we must join hands and repeat the following mantra in a slow, monotoned voice similar to any character played by Kristen Stewart:
The Door serves as a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.
OK, come with me now as we go back in time through The Door, where journalists here at Siuslaw News have been taping and gluing their favorite newspaper faux pas since the 1970s. Continue reading Three more examples of why our newsroom has a Door
I know this is a little after the fact, but given that Valentine’s Day fell on a Saturday this year, I’m guessing that a lot of men are just beginning to realize they’re in serious trouble after coming home last night with nothing but a six-pac and an NBA game schedule. If you are one of these men, then there’s a good chance you are getting into Valentines’ Day mode right…
about…
NOW.
(Disclaimer: This blog is not responsible for any injuries, heart ailments or claims of memory loss occurring as a result of this information.)
Do not panic! As men, we will stick together and, through the power of the Internet, call upon the romantic wisdom of men from throughout the world and, hopefully, come up with at least ONE good idea. Continue reading Men: If you forgot Valentine’s Day it’s not too late if you know a good plumber
For regular readers of this blog, I know what you’re thinking:
“I’ve seen pictures of Ned before, and I remember him being… older. And slightly more Caucasian.”
That’s because it’s a photo of Alan W. King, whose work as a journalist and blogger is best described as continued excellence. I’ve been a follower of his for a while, so when he began an interview series last year called “Writers and Their Process,” I was thrilled when he asked me to be a part of it.
Okay, fine — I screamed like a 13-year-old girl who finds herself on an elevator with [please insert latest teen girl heart throb here.]
All kidding aside, it was a real honor to be a part of this series last February, which delves into the thought process of each writer and offers insights into how they approach their craft. In my case, he even got me to divulge my full name; that’s how good he is. Here’s a snippet, along with a link to the rest of the post, as well as links to his interviews with friend and world’s funniest bellman (it’s a highly competitive niche) Robert Hookey (aka The Hook) and the thoughtful and funny Zoe Valentine (aka Zoe Says).
Oh, and did I mention he recently updated the post with photos of me I thought (or hoped) had been destroyed? Continue reading Thanks to Alan King, this week’s Nickel’s Worth is on me… literally
(Here is this week’s installment in a special month-long restrospect on The Door in our newsroom, continuing each Wednesday through February. Possibly longer if someone brings donuts…)
I told her I was a big fan and extremely flattered but, “No.”
To which she replied, “DWOP DEAD!” and hung up.
So what is The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) exactly? Quite literally, it is a living, breathing piece of journalistic history assembled over 40 years by reporters here at Siuslaw News. That said, it’s no mere coincidence that the other side of The Door leads to the commode, where those same reporters have been depositing a different kind of history — and where, in a fitting twist, nothing living can breathe.
Today, we have a new first on The Door: a two-part clipping, meaning that whoever put this piece together has earned the coveted “Twin Globes of Shame” award, which is named in part because of its rare “two-shames-in-one” distinction, and partly because the trophy once belonged to a failed cosmetic surgeon. Continue reading Even Barbara Walters wants to be shown ‘The Door’ in our newsroom
Our newsroom has a door. But that’s not the point of this post. Over the years, this door has become more than just a way in or out, or something that occasionally gets “stuck” with our editor on the other side. It has also become a Mecca of sorts. A place where journalists since the 1970s have taped, glued, pasted or otherwise adhered (you don’t want to know) headlines that are either badly written, clever or misspelled.
It is a beacon, really, harkening us into the jagged rocks of journalism.
Since the final edition of this weekly feature was posted exactly two years ago today, nearly 3,000 folks — reluctantly, accidentally, regrettably or otherwise — have started following this blog with little or no knowledge of The Door and it’s historical significance to journalism.
Until now.
Through the month of February, I thought it would be fun revisit our newsroom door each Wednesday to highlight some of the best of the worst headlines that grace it’s simulated wood- paneled surface. Since I can’t afford to fly all of you here to see it, and because I have nixed the idea of detaching the door and sending it to each of you to see for yourselves, I’ll be coming to your homes or places of employment to show you my favorites. It will be just like having me standing there next to you with our newsroom door! Except not as creepy. Continue reading Stepping back through our newsroom door
Welcome to Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, that special day each week when I offer writing tips that Publishers’ Monthly has called, “The last word in writing advice. Or so we hope.” And what 50 Shades author E.L. James has refered to as “The inspiration for most of my safe words.”
But enough accolades!
This week’s NWOW was inspired by a good and talanted blogging friend who shall remain synonymous, so we shall call her Michelle, who experienced her first truly negative response to something she posted. The reader in question was somewhat offended by what was essentilly a lighthearted post about accidentally being seen naked by a stranger. I felt Michelle’s approach was tasteful and humorous. Regardless, the reader’s response caught her off guard and caused her to momentarily question her judgement as a writer — something that readers of this blog question every day. Continue reading Writers should develop a tough skin (but still remember to moisturize)
Last Friday, I offered a “sneak preview” audio snippet of Monday’s upcoming column/blog post. Everyone seemed to like this idea so, naturally, I got very excited and wasted no time in accidentally deleting my SoundCloud account. I went ahead and started a new account, which I plan to fill with full versions of my columns read by James Earl Jones. In the meantime, I’ll keep offering Friday “sneak preview” snippets because it’s fun.
And also, James Earl Jones still isn’t answering my calls.
Monday’s column, It Might be Time To Take a Stand on Sitting, is about a new study released from the Annals of Internal Medicine (Yes, I realize how that sounnds) that suggests sitting dramatically increases our chances of premature death, even if we exercise regularly.
And yes, I have now been standing for 78 hours. Continue reading Sounding off about the dangers of sitting
As if we didn’t have enough to worry about with North Korea, ISIS and the very real threat of another Justin Bieber album, now we can add “drunken cats” to our terrorist watch list. That’s right. Because it’s not like cats didn’t already have enough attitude, right?
Thanks to Japanese manufacturer B&H Lifes, cats can now get drunk and REALLY disagreeable while drinking a new wine developed specifically for the feline palette.
According to B&H Lifes, the wine is made from a combination of Cabernet grapes and catnip, two flavors cats find irresistible — and the second of which manufacturers explain “helps cats release their inhibitions.”
Apparently cat inhibition is a big problem in Japan. Continue reading Just what we need: intoxicated cats
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