Three more examples of why our newsroom has a Door

image Don’t bother giving your coffee an extra stir, or rubbing your eyes in disbelief, because you read it right! This week’s retrospective of The Door is offering THREE … Three…three (that’s an echo) examples of journalistic Shame, Blame and Brilliance!

For those of you knocking on The Door for the first time…

Go Away!

Haha! Just kidding! The more the merrier! In fact, “the more the merrier” is what the fire marshal has deemed to be the maximum occupancy level in our newsroom, depending on whether anyone in the group has eaten lunch at the Enfermo Taco.

Before we begin, as always, we must join hands and repeat the following mantra in a slow, monotoned voice similar to any character played by Kristen Stewart:

The Door serves as a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.

OK, come with me now as we go back in time through The Door, where journalists here at Siuslaw News have been taping and gluing their favorite newspaper faux pas since the 1970s. Continue reading Three more examples of why our newsroom has a Door

Cats may have their own wine but Bowser can crack open a brewsky

image As you might expect, since writing about Japan’s new line of wines made specifically for cats a couple of weeks ago, I have received dozens of emails from unhappy readers denouncing what they believe is blatant discrimination against members of the canine population. All of them feel wine for cats is a really bad idea that will only increase the air of superiority cats already have. Coincidentally, most of these emails arrived through my “Fetch” account.

Here are just a few examples:

If I hear Mittens talk about the ‘rich bouquet’ of her stupid wine one more time, I’m leaving something with rich bouquet in her cat dish.”
— Buford

My sense of smell is 100 times greater than my owner’s. She doesn’t have to smell Mr. Whiskers’ horrible wine breath. Well, I DO! Then she gets MAD when I barf on the carpet.” — Fifi

Cats are dumb.” — Butch

They say for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, meaning that for every cat sipping a glass of wine there is a dog lapping up a special libation. And not just from the toilet. As it turns out, dogs have had Bowser Beer available to them since 2012, long before “Mr. Frisky” ever thought of getting stemware, comparing tannins or going out and spraying the town. In the same way cat wine is made specifically for a cat’s discriminating taste, the makers of Bowser Beer have created a flavor profile that compliments a dog’s natural pallet — meaning the only thing that isn’t in the brew is an actual shipping pallet. Continue reading Cats may have their own wine but Bowser can crack open a brewsky

Men: If you forgot Valentine’s Day it’s not too late if you know a good plumber

image I know this is a little after the fact, but given that Valentine’s Day fell on a Saturday this year, I’m guessing that a lot of men are just beginning to realize they’re in serious trouble after coming home last night with nothing but a six-pac and an NBA game schedule. If you are one of these men, then there’s a good chance you are getting into Valentines’ Day mode right…

about…

NOW.

(Disclaimer: This blog is not responsible for any injuries, heart ailments or claims of memory loss occurring as a result of this information.)

Do not panic! As men, we will stick together and, through the power of the Internet, call upon the romantic wisdom of men from throughout the world and, hopefully, come up with at least ONE good idea. Continue reading Men: If you forgot Valentine’s Day it’s not too late if you know a good plumber

A saucy Valentine exchange with my wife

Admittedly, stopping in for some Cinnabon Delights at a Taco Bell on Valentine’s Day doesn’t sound particularly romantic. One might even see it as a precurser to the end of a relationship. But when I am with my wife, a romantic moment can happen anytime, anywhere.

Love has a way of doing that. Even in a random handful of hot sauce packets…

image

Happy Valentine’s Day from us to you

And speaking of beer for dogs…

image By now we’ve all heard about the new Japanese wine for felines. If you haven’t, it could explain why your cat has started using your favorite shoes as a litter box. Not to point fingers, but I did write about this a few weeks ago, so you only have yourself to blame. Or at least, that’s probably what you cat would tell you.

Regardless, since then I have receieved dozens of emails about what some see as discrimination against canines for not providing them with their own special libation. As it turns out, they have. And as you might expect, I’d be the one to hear about it — which is why it will be the topic of this Monday’s upcoming post:

Cats May Have Their Own Wine, But Bowser Can Crack Open a Brewsky

As with every Friday, here is an audio preview of this Moday’s post. (Warning: For those of you with cats, I’d advise against letting them hear this)… Continue reading And speaking of beer for dogs…

It might be time to take a stand on sitting

image You may want to stand up before reading this. That’s because, according to a recent study published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, sitting increases your chances of premature death. And no, I’m not talking about accidentally sitting on a rattlesnake or Christian Bale’s car hood. I’m talking about the normal, everyday kind of sitting we all do — at work, in the car, at the end of a long day, while playing basketball — that a group of Toronto researchers says increases our chance of health “issues” that can lead to death.

I’m no doctor, but even I know death is a pretty serious health issue.

The report was based on analysis of 47 studies of sedentary behavior, particularly the act of sitting. “Our modern world is constructed to keep people sitting down — and it’s literally killing us,” said one researcher who now travels long distance only by Segway. “I used to take the metro but people kept offering me a seat. I think they were trying to kill me.” Continue reading It might be time to take a stand on sitting

Sounding off about the dangers of sitting

image Last Friday, I offered a “sneak preview” audio snippet of Monday’s upcoming column/blog post. Everyone seemed to like this idea so, naturally, I got very excited and wasted no time in accidentally deleting my SoundCloud account. I went ahead and started a new account, which I plan to fill with full versions of my columns read by James Earl Jones. In the meantime, I’ll keep offering Friday “sneak preview” snippets because it’s fun.

And also, James Earl Jones still isn’t answering my calls.

Monday’s column, It Might be Time To Take a Stand on Sitting, is about a new study released from the Annals of Internal Medicine (Yes, I realize how that sounnds) that suggests sitting dramatically increases our chances of premature death, even if we exercise regularly.

And yes, I have now been standing for 78 hours. Continue reading Sounding off about the dangers of sitting

Just what we need: intoxicated cats

image As if we didn’t have enough to worry about with North Korea, ISIS and the very real threat of another Justin Bieber album, now we can add “drunken cats” to our terrorist watch list. That’s right. Because it’s not like cats didn’t already have enough attitude, right?

Thanks to Japanese manufacturer B&H Lifes, cats can now get drunk and REALLY disagreeable while drinking a new wine developed specifically for the feline palette.

According to B&H Lifes, the wine is made from a combination of Cabernet grapes and catnip, two flavors cats find irresistible — and the second of which manufacturers explain “helps cats release their inhibitions.”

Apparently cat inhibition is a big problem in Japan. Continue reading Just what we need: intoxicated cats

Ratings decline may require Oscars to get jiggy before things go wack

image As you’ve probably noticed, we have entered the annual “awards show” season, which officially began with the Golden Globe Awards, and is due to wrap up some time in April, when David Hasselhoff hosts the coveted Intoxicated Karaoke Performance Awards live from Tijuana, Mexico.

Every year, I watch at least some of these awards shows because, as a columnist, it’s important for me to keep up with cultural trends. I also watch because seeing Nicki Minaj always makes me feel better about the way I dress. However, according to a recent poll, ratings for awards shows have actually dropped. So much so that programming executives are calling it “an alarming trend.”

Personally, I think the word “alarming” is a little strong.

Coolant levels steadily leaking from a nuclear reactor — THAT’S alarming; a decline in the number of people tuning in to see how long it takes for a fight to break out at the Rapp Awards is actually pretty encouraging. The obvious reason ratings are down is because the number of awards shows is up. The entertainment industry must ask itself if it really needs The Golden Globes, The Oscars and The Peoples’ Choice Awards in order to single out Hollywood’s finest when they could just as easily save time and money by combining all three into, say…

The Peoples’ Globes Awards.

Okay, bad example (Although, it does sound like something that’s probably available on cable.) Continue reading Ratings decline may require Oscars to get jiggy before things go wack

The sound and the furry (or why my cat may kill me)

imageThose of you who have a cat, please raise your hand…

WOW! Look at those scratch marks! But we’ll get to that in a minute.

Sadly, many of you probably noticed yesterday that I didn’t post this week’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, which is when I share pearls of writing wisdom gained from 16 years as shucking a columnist.

*crickets*

Anyway, the reason was because our office server was down the entire day. That left me with some idle time, which I spent learning how to use a new sound recording app. For me, this is like calculating a trajectory to Mars. I’m not a technological thinker. In fact, even with those little symbols in our TV remote, I still get the batteries in backwards half the time and end up turning off our neighbor’s pacemaker.

So, what does any of this have to do with CATS, you ask? First, if you still have your hand raised, feel free to put it down now. Continue reading The sound and the furry (or why my cat may kill me)