The Door in our newsroom: History sentinel and commode shield. Though we have received a small respite from the constant barrage of angry Barbara Walters phone calls, emails from Brit Hume and booty faxes from Morley Safer seeking an exclusive on The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance), today’s post will undoubtedly change that. As regular readers of this weekly feature know, The Door is home to newspaper clippings posted by reporters here at Siuslaw News since the 1970s, highlighting the best and worst examples of print media moments for nearly four decades. It has been called a journalistic mecca; a reporter’s Rosetta Stone; or as Anderson Cooper so eloquently stated, “A sentinel with an impressively large door knob, waiting to be twisted.”
Today’s entry, however, is a first — and something that will undoubtedly have Barbara Walters putting us back on speed dial. But before revealing today’s entry, we must follow a protocol of tradition by joining hands and repeating in a monotone voice similar to Barbara Walters under hypnosis:
The Door is a beacon, dwawing us into the jagged wocks of journawism…
The Door, sentinel of journalistic history since the 1970s; preserver of privacy to the restroom.For the time being, it seems major news outlets like ABC, CBS, NBC and The 700 Club have backed off in their pursuit of an exclusive on The Door (of Shame Blame and Brilliance) here in our newsroom. It’s been more than a week since Barbara Walters has called and threatened to “DESTWOY your CAWEERS!” And thanks to a case of hemorrhoids, Morley Safer has stopped faxing us images of his rear, which were starting to resemble a topographical map of civil war battle sites.
We’ve also heard nothing from Anderson Cooper, who seemed to lose interest in what he called “Possibly the most important piece of journalistic history since Chris Cuomo” once he discovered the other side of The Door had a commode instead of a closet.
So let us continue on as we do each Tuesday, and highlight an example of journalistic shame, blame or brilliance from The Door, which reporters have been contributing to for nearly 40 years in an effort to preserve history and, thanks to four decades of glue and tape, keep The Door from collapsing in on itself. Continue reading Barbara Walters, Anderson Cooper back away from… The Door
The Door, preserving journalistic history and restroom privacy. After getting Freshly Pressed last week, pressure from the major news outlets for exclusive access to The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) has only escalated in our newsroom. And speaking of Freshly Pressed, retired ABC News reporter Morley Safer is still sending faxes of his rear with the words You Will Crack scrawled on them, hoping we will succumb to what he threatened would be “my dogged and relentless pursuit to get the story, as long as I don’t have to leave my study.”
This morning, CNN’s Anderson Cooper was the latest TV journalist to contact us for an exclusive, explaining that The Door is as historically significant to journalists as “the Geraldo Rivera mustache clippings I have preserved in my freezer.” Cooper went on to explain he felt particularly suited to preforming what he referred to as “the big reveal” of The Door to the rest of the world, and how he envisions the segment beginning with him coming out from the other side. Admittedly, I considered the idea but felt the need to explain that the other side of The Door is the newsroom commode.
“It’s not a closet?” Cooper asked.
“No, just a commode and small hand sink. And toilet paper. Usually.”
The Door: Cultural mecca; journalistic icon; restroom door. The media storm continues to swirl around us in the newsroom here at Siuslaw News, where we have denied access to all the major news outlets seeking an exclusive to The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance). Obviously, this has made us a lot of enemies at ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX and The 700 Club, all of which have sent their most prestigious correspondents to secure an exclusive to what Brian Williams has called, “Equal to the Rosetta Stone in terms of journalism — You know, if The Door wasn’t already in English.”
While Morley Safer is continuing to hound us for the exclusive by faxing images of his buttocks with the words “You will crack” written on them, Barbara Walters has been talking about us on The View, hoping to manipulate the public into thinking we have something to hide. As she said during this morning’s show, “What if we cwosed the Smithswonian to the pubwic? What are they twying to hide? It’s a weal twavesty.”
The fact is, we have nothing to hide. At least, not unless someone is on the other side of The Door using the commode. Just last week I spoke at the Boys and Girls Club about journalism, and how any one of them could become a successful journalist like me! Once the laughter faded, I ended my presentation by talking about The Door. Continue reading One group’s quest brings them to… The Door
The Door in our newsroom: a sentinel of newspaper clippings, held together by history and a lot of tape.For those who have been following The Door, particularly in the last few weeks, then you know that media powerhouses ABC, CBS, NBC and the 700 Club have been pressuring me for an interview and exclusive access to what Diane Sawyer called “A journalistic treasure equal to the late Barbara Walters, God rest her soul… hmm? Oh, sorry. I mean, if she were dead.”
Needless to say the pressure has been tremendous. Even Morley Safer was pulled out of retirement to hound me, which he has been doing by continuously faxing images of his rear with the words “I will make you crack.”
So, yes — things have been a little tense here in the Siuslaw News editorial room, where The Door remains safe from blatant commercialism and media hype, while continuing to serve its dual purpose as both a journalistic mecca and restroom door. For those who may be visiting for the first time, perhaps because you have just been rescued from a deserted island along with a volleyball named “Wilson,” I should explain that The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance), is home to a collection of the best and worst examples of newspaper journalism, taped there by reporters at the Siuslaw News since the 1970s, back when most interviews took place while sitting naked in a grassy field. Each week, we highlight one of those historic examples, after which we wash our hands repeatedly. Continue reading Journalists can’t wait to be shown… The Door
The Door in our newsroom. No, really…Even after turning down an angry Barbara Walters (“DWOP DEAD!”) and a still-sleeping Brit Hume (“Phhhhhhhh-zzzzzzzz”), major news networks like ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX and The 700 Club are continuing to call me about The Door, hoping to get an exclusive on what Brian Williams called “The most important contribution to journalism since that new girl on ‘Wipe-Out.'” Just this morning, John Quinones called my cell phone, demanding access to our newsroom with a camera crew, saying, “What would YOU do — if I kicked your skinny white CULO!”
For those of you wondering what all the fuss is about, I should explain that The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) is located in our newsroom and is home to a collection of the best and worst examples of newspaper journalism, clipped and pasted to it by reporters here at Siuslaw News since the 1970s — back when truth was defined in black and white, yet the line between nose hair and mustaches was a little grey. For more than 40 years, The Door has served as a sentinel, preserving journalistic history while, simultaneously, preserving breathable air serving as the door to our commode. Continue reading Even major news outlets are asking for… The Door
The Door which spellcheck appropriately enough keeps suggesting I call The Odor.Some of you may remember the request from Barbara Walters last week for an interview about what she described as The Door’s “Journa-wistic and histowical impowtance,” and how, after denying her request for an interview, she told me to “DWOP DEAD!” Then you can imagine my surprise when, early this morning, the sleepy-eyed Brit Hume called just long enough to introduce himself before promptly falling asleep on the other end of the line. For any of you who have tried calling me this morning only to get a busy signal for the last two hours, it’s because the line is still open, with Hume snoring on the other end. Hopefully, someone will wake him for hair and make-up soon.
In the meantime, for those of you who may be new to The Door because, for example, you stumbled onto this post looking for home improvement tips, I’ll tell you it is a weekly feature that spotlights the best and worst in journalism that reporters here at Siuslaw News have been clipping and gluing to our newsroom door since the 1970s, back when journalists were looking for any excuse to open a tube of glue. Each Tuesday, we spotlight an entry from our newsroom door which, in addition to being the equivalent to a journalistic Smithsonian here on the Oregon coast, is also a time capsule of sorts, sealing up a different kind of journalistic history once the commode is flushed on the other side. Continue reading This post proves even God likes to use… The Door
Our actual newsroom door, and the envy of Barbara Walters. It seems comments about The Door among journalists and bloggers — much like your favorite cream cheese or many Hollywood audition hopefuls — have been spreading quickly. Just yesterday, I got a call from Barbara Walters, asking if I would be interested in talking with her about what she called “Those wonderfuwwy wacky and whimsical journa-wistic pieces of histowy.”
I told her I was a big fan and extremely flattered but, “No.”
To which she replied, “DWOP DEAD!” and hung up.
So what is The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) exactly? Quite literally, it is a living, breathing piece of journalistic history assembled over 40 years by reporters here at Siuslaw News. That said, it’s no mere coincidence that the other side of The Door leads to the commode, where those same reporters have been depositing a different kind of history — and where, in a fitting twist, nothing living can breathe.
Today, we have a new first on The Door: a two-part clipping, meaning that whoever put this piece together has earned the coveted “Twin Globes of Shame” award, which is named in part because of its rare “two-shames-in-one” distinction, and partly because the trophy once belonged to a failed cosmetic surgeon. Continue reading Every good journalist wants to be shown… The Door
The Door is Oregon’s equivalent to a journalistic Smithsonian. Pretty much. While it’s true The Door is a weekly feature written by a journalist, about journalism, and inspired by clippings taped to a 50-year-old door that shields real journalists from dangerous emissions from a mostly-working commode located in an actual newsroom, it is — like the commode itself — available for anyone to enjoy! That’s because The Door does not judge. It does not discriminate. It does not prejudge.
It also does not seal properly, but that’s beside the point.
As regular followers of this feature know, The Door celebrates the best and worst in journalism since the 1970s, when reporters here at the Siuslaw News taped the first erroneous clipping to The Door in an effort to highlight the “shame, blame and brilliance” of journalism, as well as cover a fist-sized hole in The Door that, while a handy pass-through for toilet paper, made decorum nearly impossible.
Think of The Door as the Oregon Coast equivalent of a journalistic Smithsonian, except without all the pompous credibility and historic distinction. Journalist or not, join us now as we travel back to 1999, when Eugene’s Register-Guard printed a report from the Associated Press that falls under the rare “brilliance” category of The Door. Continue reading Join hundreds of journalists who use… The Door
The Door in all it’s glory. The above statement is more than just a flashy headline meant to hook you into reading this post. It’s a proven fact, based on a highly coordinated, in-depth poll taken over the course of three minutes here at the Siuslaw News.
I know what you’re asking yourself: Why not five out of five?
That’s because we actually only have four reporters in our newsroom. The fifth person in this poll isn’t “technically” a reporter because, technically speaking, he was already on the other side of The Door, jamming a plumbing snake down the commode. So, as a show of my journalistic integrity — and also because someone at the corporate office may read this and add more projects because of our “new five-person staff” — I couldn’t in good conscience claim 5-out-of-5 in my headline. Continue reading Before leaving the newsroom, four out of five journalists recommend using… The Door
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